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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why this driver beeped his horn at me?

241 replies

HangingBasketCase · 10/12/2014 13:47

Driving home from work I decided to overtake a van in front of me that was going really slowly. It's a 60mph road but the van must have only been doing 40 at the very most, I was almost bumper to bumper with it and I was doing 40! So I waited for a long straight stretch of road that's known locally as the straight mile, indicated and overtook him. It was perfectly safe to do so, nothing was coming in the opposite direction, no double lines in the middle of the road, perfect driving conditions but for some reason the git started beeping his horn at me as I passed him! Then once I'd passed him I could see him shaking his head in my rear mirror!

Now I'm really questioning myself. I use this I road daily, I've been overtaken by other drivers on it myself, no problems. I was always under the impression that overtaking is perfectly legal as long as it safe to do so. Which from where I was sitting it was? What did I do wrong? I felt a bit intimidated if I'm honest, which probably sounds stupid. But there you go.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 10/12/2014 19:07

Wow! YWBU, what awful driving, the speed limit is the maximum allowed.

FreeWee · 10/12/2014 19:41

Visiting a friend near Rugby the other week - there's a straight mile there. Speed limit is 50mph to avoid drag racing and the like which apparently happened with national speed limit don't know if that's true as I'm not local

I was doing 50 on the nose and got over taken by a tailgating 4x4 (so intimidating lights in my rear view mirror) who raced off at at least 60 but I wasn't in my work's van so couldn't have been me OP Are you sure the limit was 60? And even if it wasn't, tailgating still loses you the AIBU question.

Madamecastafiore · 10/12/2014 19:44

You are unbelievably stupid and dangerous.

If someone is driving slowly you still have to abide by braking distances.

If you are seen tailgating by a policeman you will be fined and be given penalty points and rightly so.

Preciousbane · 10/12/2014 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/12/2014 20:03

" I hate tailgating and always try and avoid it, but if you have a slow coach in front of you what do you do? Any slower and I'd have stopped!"

Oh, HangingBasketCase - what a ridiculous thing to say! Firstly, if you were doing 40mph, you would have to slow down a lot to be at a standstill - florid hyperbole does not help your case.

Secondly, any good driver can tell you, that what you needed to do was to slow down temporarily, until there was a sufficient distance between you and the van, and then accelerate back up to the same speed as the van!

The fact that people have had to tell you this leads me to believe that you should not be driving at all!

ghostyslovesheep · 10/12/2014 20:15

Preciousbane totally off topic but please tell me your name is after the book Grin

SlimJiminy · 10/12/2014 20:25

What did I do wrong?

You drove too closely to the vehicle in front of you.

Next time you're in this situation, hang back. No-one has ever looked in their mirror, seen someone tailgating them and thought "oooh better go a bit quicker then - glad they got right up close to make their point" - it's just never gonna happen.

What could happen though, is that the car in front of you has to break suddenly - for any number of reasons - and you plough straight into the back of them because you haven't left enough space to stop safely at the speed you're doing. At best, you have a load of nightmare paperwork to sort out and an insurance premium leap. And at worst, you're responsible (and from a legal standpoint, you would be) for the death/injury of an innocent person - or people. Do you really think you could live with that? Because plenty of people have to live with exactly that every day.

The kind of driving that you have admitted to kills and injures people every day. You could assume arrogantly that it won't happen to you, or you could accept that it is could happen and take reasonable steps to prevent it. Please take some time to reflect on the advice that others have given on this thread and change your attitude towards your own driving now that others have said YABU. Seriously, go and have a read of the Highway Code.

I'm another one who was advised when learning to drive (not in an advanced class, just by my normal driving instructor) to slow down if the car behind got too close. So, while I wouldn't have done the beeped/head shaking, I would probably have slowed down to at least 30mph if I was the van driver in the situation you described. Have a read of Supplementary Note 26 here if you want to better understand this concept.

Pipbin · 10/12/2014 20:38

If he didn't want me to get so close to him then he should have put his foot down

So it was his fault you were tailgating?

BrereRabbit · 10/12/2014 21:09

Jesus I can't believe this is still going. Rarely on an AIBU do you see such widespread and sensible unity. Everyone's raised such valid points and agreed and some of us have even learned a thing or two (50 for vans). Put us out of our misery OP and tell us you've booked onto an IAM course, or an eye test.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 10/12/2014 21:20

It's so very very rare to get a unanimous YABU, and I'm not going go against the grain.

OP: The national speed limit for vehicles over 3.5 tonnes is 50, for 7.5 tonnes it's 40. When we hit a private car of average size, or it hits us, there isn't even a jerk. I threw a Mazda 30 feet when it drove into my rear bar; it was only seeing it facing backwards on the verge that alerted me. The driver was quite astonished that I lost 3 inches of paint and nothing else.

You keep on OP, and eventually a large cynical man will stand in a witness box and describe your driving as "grossly incompetent". If you're lucky, you might be in the dock to listen to him.There's a lamp post near me that I tie a bouquet to once a year, in memory of a friend I never made because an impatient twat killed him.

Preciousbane · 10/12/2014 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JackSkellington · 10/12/2014 23:58

YWBVU, of course. I have been driving for a long time but would never tailgate. You sound like a very aggressive driver and regardless of causing no accidents (yet), quite unsafe.

You're lucky he only beeped, I would have been giving the police your licence plate number as soon as it was safe to pull over and call.

BumpAndGrind · 11/12/2014 01:16

clear skies with the low sun at this time of year is not good driving conditions. Some people would class it as a hazard.

OrangeOwl · 11/12/2014 06:37

I've been driving for over 30 years on all types of road. I've been tailgated, head shaken at, rear-ended, fist shaken at (2 men got out of car and stood at window) odd scrapes, animals ran out, seen some nasty crashes, helped at accidents.

What I always try and think (even though it's a bit cheesy) is you're only as good a driver as the journey you just made. My driving instructor used to constantly say 'consideration to other road users'.

People will always drive differently to yourself and if you are behind them you have to drive like that for a while with what I would call a 'patient gap'. It's not forever. I think OP you did wait for a safe place to overtake, but maybe your frustration came across to the other driver, hence he shook his head.

I do try and keep the emotion out of my driving now and I actually 'thank' the two guys who shook their fists at me years ago (I did invite it by making a gesture!) as the incident made me a calmer driver. I'm not perfect and I often remind myself out loud to think about what I'm doing when I'm driving. I do try and give other drivers the benefit of the doubt too, even the tailgaters.

GoldfishSpy · 11/12/2014 06:57

I was being tailgated once on the M1. I had left a big gap in front of me. There was an accident in front and I was able to move into the hard shoulder to avoid it. The car that had been tailgating me crashed into it.

OverAndAbove · 11/12/2014 07:05

I don't understand what advantage you thought you would gain by being so close to him anyway? You can't go any faster so why not hang back with a safe distance, and then you can actually see when it's safe to pull out and overtake?

It's a wind-up, isn't it? I've been sucked in!

Sirzy · 11/12/2014 07:15

The op is exactly why I think that people should have to do some sort of refresher test every 10 years. This "I have been driving for x years so im safe" is such a scary attitude to have.

londonrach · 11/12/2014 07:15

Tailgating. Yabvvvvu and very unsafe. Leave a bigger stopping distance between you and the next car unless you fancy riding in his back seat. If the police had seen you and had time they would have stopped you for dangerous driving. Bumper to bumper!!!!!!!

s113 · 11/12/2014 07:40

In any case, we need more public information and videos about tailgating. For many people, keeping a safe distance is merely a technicality from the Highway Code, something that has to be memorised for the theory test. It's not emphasised enough why it's important.

One way that might motivate people more are some videos to explain how following too closely plays straight into the hands of "crash for cash" fraudsters.

Let's all stop tailgating so we can beat the "crash for cash" gangs at their own game! When they pick their victims, they will pick drivers who are following them too closely.

"Flash for cash" likewise (where a driver flashes their lights to invite someone to go, and then deliberately crashes into them; the law is totally on the "flashing driver's" side, because flashing headlights is not an official signal): if someone flashes me to go, I wait until they've slowed to almost a dead stop before I turn.

HumptyDumptyBumpty · 11/12/2014 08:30

OP, you've stumbled on the wrong AIBU thread. The one I was on last week, called something like 'AIBU to think you can't just drive at whatever speed you fancy' absolutely slated slower drivers. There was talk of 'if you're too slow to drive at 60 on a NSL, get off the roads'.

Perhaps you'd be more comfortable on that thread?

sanfairyanne · 11/12/2014 09:10

to be fair though, that thread wasnt full of people advocating tailgating
slow drivers can be a pain in the arse, yes, but the response is not to drive aggressively right up their arse

pictish · 11/12/2014 09:15

Exactly - I've already said how I curse the slow buggers in my head (and sometimes out loud) fucking and cunting them to hell...but drive with my nose up their arse - no way!
I like to avoid crashing into other cars wherever possible.

TooHasty · 11/12/2014 09:24

whatever happened to 'only a fool breaks teh 2 second rule'

specialsubject · 11/12/2014 10:35

I mentioned it on this thread!

lots of people here who must get free petrol and free car maintenance with all the braking and accelerating they do. And free insurance with all the accidents they are having.

funerals aren't free...

MyLeftElbow · 11/12/2014 10:50

I passed my test a year ago, and my instructor gave me a book called "Mind Driving" - it's fantastic, and by reading that I've realised that driving is a skill that is constantly being updated, you're constantly learning, regardless of how long you have been driving.

It points out that becoming complacent is the very worst thing you can do, because your driving skills reach a certain point and if you sit back and never evolve from there then you run the risk of bad habits sticking.

It's well worth a read anyway, regardless of how long you've been driving :)