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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why this driver beeped his horn at me?

241 replies

HangingBasketCase · 10/12/2014 13:47

Driving home from work I decided to overtake a van in front of me that was going really slowly. It's a 60mph road but the van must have only been doing 40 at the very most, I was almost bumper to bumper with it and I was doing 40! So I waited for a long straight stretch of road that's known locally as the straight mile, indicated and overtook him. It was perfectly safe to do so, nothing was coming in the opposite direction, no double lines in the middle of the road, perfect driving conditions but for some reason the git started beeping his horn at me as I passed him! Then once I'd passed him I could see him shaking his head in my rear mirror!

Now I'm really questioning myself. I use this I road daily, I've been overtaken by other drivers on it myself, no problems. I was always under the impression that overtaking is perfectly legal as long as it safe to do so. Which from where I was sitting it was? What did I do wrong? I felt a bit intimidated if I'm honest, which probably sounds stupid. But there you go.

OP posts:

GoofyIsACow · 10/12/2014 14:39

Aside from it being illegal for blueberry to have been using her hazards in her situation, she would have been perfectly within her right to drive at 35 if she so wished. Yes, it would be annoying if you were in a rush but overtake safely, don't tailgate to teach her a lesson

MaidOfStars · 10/12/2014 14:39

Have only read the OP's posts....sorry if this repeats PPs

He was driving at 40mph and dictating that you drive at that speed. So you are following at 40mph.

You can choose to follow him at an appropriate distance or you can choose to follow him bumper-to-bumper.

You are not going any faster, or getting any further along, by choosing the bumper-to-bumper option. The only thing you are achieving here is pissing him off. It is perfectly avoidable to not go bumper-to-bumper - you slow a little, let the space open, then get back to your original speed, which is no faster/slower than it was when you were right up his arse.

That's why he beeped - you weren't "unavoidably tailgating", you were driving aggressively in a effort to what? force him to speed up?

I hope you didn't move out to overtake from the bumper-to-bumper position?

pictish · 10/12/2014 14:42

OP the fact that you say
I was almost bumper to bumper with it and I was doing 40!

then go on to express confusion as to why you got beeped at, says to me that you are ignorant as to what your tailgating entails for other drivers. Wake the fuck up. Tailgating is stupid, dangerous and aggressive driving. I can't believe that after 10 YEARS you do not know this!
I just passed my test in Spetember there, and I know more than you!

You are never justified in doing it, and no one will ever thank you for doing so either.

Don't do it again.

ToAvoidConversation · 10/12/2014 14:44

You were driving poorly. It doesn't matter how stupidly the person in front of you is driving you don't tailgate them.

MistyMistletoe · 10/12/2014 14:45

Sorry 'BasketCase ive misquoted you in my previous post ( Where would you go 'But there you go'. Nonetheless I stand by my recommendation.

Original poster

HangingBasketCase · 10/12/2014 14:46

No, it's not a reverse. Definitely happened to me today. Do people really make reverse threads? I can't see the point in that really?

BTW, bumper to bumper was an exaggeration, though I possibly was a bit too close. It was just incredibly frustrating as I needed to get home. Before I came upon the van my speed was at 55-60mph.

I don't think you can compare cyclists and tractors as they can't physically go any faster. I always give cyclists lots of room when passing. I'd never forgive myself if I knocked someone off their bike.

OP posts:

pictish · 10/12/2014 14:46

It was just incredibly frustrating as I needed to get home.

Tough shit!!!

Topseyt · 10/12/2014 14:47

I'm sure the OP will be back to declare the Highway Code wrong.

Very likely she will, because tailgaters and others who like to bully other drivers usually see nothing wrong with their own driving. They tend to think it is superb, and everyone else is out of step except them.

Tailgaters are one of my pet hates when out driving. You can always tell when you have got an arsehole behind you. They also often overtake in dangerous places.

As for speed limits, clearly there seem to be people who do not understand the difference between a limit and a target. It is 30 through our small town, but that is nearly always too fast as there are shops, vehicles parking, pulling in and out, pedestrians and children around, occasionally buses stopping too. Look at winding country roads where national speed limit applies. Plenty of those around here, and you'd end up rolling your car into a field if you even tried to do 60 on them, not to mention the danger you would pose to any oncoming vehicles too.

BrereRabbit · 10/12/2014 14:48

How big a spade would you like me to pass you?

Original poster

HangingBasketCase · 10/12/2014 14:52

I didn't overtake in a dangerous place! It was a straight road where I could see ahead of me for about a mile or so (the clue is in the OP, the straight mile). I'd never overtake on road that wasn't safe to do so.

OP posts:

pictish · 10/12/2014 14:52

I am open mouthed at this thread...I really am.

How...how can anyone be so wilfully ignorant in the face of something so basic?!

Boomtownsurprise · 10/12/2014 14:53

It's a limit not a target ya muppet (wvm parlance)

Just coz you ain't been caught yet doesn't make ya clean either....

fluffyraggies · 10/12/2014 14:54

Well obviously that's ok then -

because every rule in the highway code is followed by the caveat ....

'' .... unless you are incredibly frustrated and want to get home''.

Original poster

HangingBasketCase · 10/12/2014 14:56

I didn't think personal insults were allowed Boomtown? Though I do think it's slightly ironic that a poster using text speak is calling someone else a muppet....

OP posts:

Mulligrubs · 10/12/2014 14:56

Don't drive aggressively behind people and they won't beep you, it's simple. Be careful you don't end up doing this to someone who is as awful a driver as you who brake checks you. I've seen it happen.

BrereRabbit · 10/12/2014 14:56

Passes a large one

Boomtown hahaha! Brilliant.

Op can I recommend a visit to specsavers? Because you can't see anything wrong can you. Is that why you were driving so close?

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 10/12/2014 14:56

It was just incredibly frustrating as I needed to get home.

What was so important that it was worth risking your life for those few extra minutes OP? Was your house on fire?

On one of the several 'driver safety' courses I have done at work, the instructor said something that I always bear in mind.

'If you overtake someone, chances are you will come across another slow vehicle or other obstruction, within a few minutes/miles', ie the actual gain from that overtaking manouvere is always going to be very small and is not likely to significantly impact on your total journey time, so is often not worth bothering with.

Icimoi · 10/12/2014 14:58

The thing is, OP, there is just no point getting "incredibly frustrated" because someone is driving slowly and holding you up. They may have a good reason for it, they may have no reason at all and be total arseholes. Either way, they're not going to be persuaded to drive any faster by you coming up too close behind them. The only response is to leave a safe distance behind them and pass safely when you can.

Topseyt · 10/12/2014 14:58

I didn't state that you DID overtake in a dangerous place. I was not there to judge. I said that arseholes who tailgate VERY OFTEN overtake is stupid places.

Early in the thread you did admit you were bumper to bumper with him, and that is tailgating. It is dangerous. You are also now trying to backtrack by saying that "bumper to bumper" might have been an exaggeration. You haven't had the validation for your actions that you were hoping for on here.

BrereRabbit · 10/12/2014 15:00

I genuinely wonder if people stopped tailgating completely what the overall percentage reduction on accidents would be. I bet it's the cause of a he'll of a lot of them.

VitalStollenFix · 10/12/2014 15:00

Did you not think about the reasons the van might have been going slowly?

driver unfamiliar with the road - if you're never travelled a route before you are always more cautious. You don't know every twist and turn.
Van has a heavy load
Van has a light load of breakable things and the driver is being cautious
etc etc

Yes, maybe the van could physically have gone faster, (or maybe it couldn't, who knows) but it was going the speed the driver assessed as being safe and suitable and is it right for you to decide that he does not have the right to determine for himself what speed is appropriate? It's never right to attempt to force someone to go a speed that you want them to drive at. And that's what driving in an intimidating fashion, too close, or aggressively is trying to do.

And yes, it can be frustrating if you're stuck behind someone who is slow. I'm not saint vital here I pass when safe. But before it is safe to pass (if it becomes safe at all) it is important to drive safely and not in a way that has the potential to cause another driver anxiety.

After all, you are behind them! Do you want to be the reason they make a mistake and involve you in an accident because you were pushing them into driving in a way that they would not otherwise have chosen?

AvonCallingBarksdale · 10/12/2014 15:00

If he didn't want me to get so close to him then he should have put his foot down and drove at the speed limit!

Ah, OP, do you actually have a valid driving license??! You are absolutely the kind of tailgating driver for whom I take great pleasure in putting my brakes on. You are, I presume, familiar with the term "stopping distance"? He doesn't need to have driven at the speed limit - it's a limit, not a target, but after 5 pages, I would imagine you know that by now.

SassySugarCane · 10/12/2014 15:02

It's a limit not a target.

SnowSpot · 10/12/2014 15:02

It sounds like you overtook in a thoughtful place - if you haven't had an accident and have a clean licence in 10 years, then clearly you have good driving skills and so I can see why you are defending them.

Equally, I think being frustrated can lead to driving like a bit of a loon. I know I've done some not-so-sterling driving when I've been irritated, few of us could say we are always saintly on the road. You've taken a bit of a bashing on this thread and I'd say that the answer was that although you were driving 'a bit close' you were probably driving way too close. It's probably a case of live and learn.

Butterpuff · 10/12/2014 15:03

What was so important that it was worth risking your life for those few extra minutes OP? Was your house on fire?

We actually did follow a slow moving fire engine home once slightly miffed that it was going so slowly given that it was our house on fire. No tailgating though, we had enough drama to deal with already.

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