Would I be unreasonable to say no to this request from my brother?

[Ilovechocspread]

My brother and his wife of 14 years split up a few months ago. This was all very unexpected and sudden to the rest of the family. I have struggled to understand this as very little detail was given for the reason of the split. This is fine as I totally understand it is private between them both.

My brother already has a new girlfriend who he has completly fallen in love with. I have never seen him so happy. But I still feel very loyal to my sister in law and we are very good friends. So for this reason I have had no desire to meet the new girlfriend.

Anyway today he has asked if he and the new girlfriend can come over near Christmas to give presents to my DC and for her to meet me. I haven't even told my DC that they have split up let alone the fact he has a new lady. My first thought was to say no as I just don't feel ready to move on from how it used to be. I don't feel ready to meet her yet even though I know none of the marriage break down was her fault.

So would I be unreasonable to say no I'm not ready yet or would this start me off on a bad foot with the new girlfriend? If you were in this situation either as me or the new lady how would you feel? Any thoughts much appreciated.

[ProveMeWrong]

I would be tempted to say you'd really like him to come with his kids so dc can see their cousins as it might be a bit awkward for your SIL to come to your house for a little while/ever. Would he do that and then leave this new woman out of it? Too months after a 14 year marriage is a bit too soon, especially round Christmas time. I would also mention to him that you have only just broken news to your kids. He has to see that his split has repercussions on the whole family, including his nieces/nephews. I felt bad when I broke up with a boyfriend and had to explain that to my three year old niece who liked him! Never mind a long standing auntie!

[QueenTilly]

YANBU. It's not fair on his children for yours to meet her first, and Christmas, to me, is a family occasion. She's not family yet. It's a new relationship, and it sounds very much like he's trying to present her as Auntie So-and-so already. No go.

But most importantly, you feel really awkward about it. People instinctively side with siblings over ex-in-laws, without a thought, even when the sibling is unreasonable, so the fact you're not is worthy of comment. Respect your instinct to be careful here. If you feel it would be disloyal, then I think SIL would find it disloyal too.

[Lomega]

YABU - what if the new girlfriend becomes the new love of his life and they get married/have DC? You'll need to meet her and get along with her then.

You can still be friends with both this new lady and your SIL...it may be awkward to start, but if you are firm with things like "No bitching about each other please behind backs to me" then I think you'll be fine.

I have only just realised this thread has 9 pages so I am probably late to the party, but based on your OP I would say YABU

[ArcheryAnnie]

I think it's ok to say you aren't rejecting her, just don't feel ready yet, and if this person is going to be part of your family you want it to happen when you are all ready for it.

Might it be possible to meet at your brother's place instead? Then the presence or otherwise of his GF is nothing to do with you, and is less likely to hurt your SiL and her kids.