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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to be exempt from present buying at 7 mos pregnant?

55 replies

BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:09

I'm from a big arse Catholic family and have spent £200 in order to spend our last Christmas baby free with them. That's 13 hours travel each way as we're getting the boat to Dublin then up to Belfast. We're doing this as flights became too expensive and I'm pretty uncomfortable already.

My son is due in February and I am trying to save as much as I can til then. AIBU to not buy my 6 immediate family Christmas presents this year? I feel like I am...

OP posts:
SpringBreaker · 08/12/2014 20:13

So long as you tell them and dont expect presents off them then yanbu.

I would probably get vouchers, rather than give nothing though. Are they likely to all give you gifts when the baby is born too?

If you feel like you are being unreasonable, then you are going to feel more unreasonable if you turn up empty handed and are given lots of presents. If you get vouchers you can at least say you were too tired to trawl the shops, and that you are sorry it isnt much but you are on a budget, and I am sure they would understand.

I know the saying is not to give to receive, but its a bit off to receive and not reciprocate in my view. You can always sell your own gifts to recoup a bit of the costs too.

SavoyCabbage · 08/12/2014 20:14

If you are already going then you might as well get them something. Perhaps scale down so that the presents are not so expensive from now on as your priorities have changed. Could you talk to them about it before hand?

I would say you could suggest a secret Santa type arrangement but it's probably too late for this year.

SweepTheHalls · 08/12/2014 20:14

Yabu, you can use the internet and have stuff delivered there if you don't want to carry with you as you travel. But presents aren't about money, they are about showing you love the important people in your life. Surely you still value these people even though you are pregnant?

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2014 20:15

Being skirt is a reason to not buy presents. Being pregnant is not.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/12/2014 20:15

Skint not skirt

InfinitySeven · 08/12/2014 20:18

YABU.

It's too late now. If you wanted to not buy presents, you needed to agree it with people well in advance. People will be disappointed and annoyed if you show up with nothing, even if that's not in the spirit of Christmas etc.

You can use the internet, presumably, or you could get DP to take care of it because you're pregnant? Do it a little bit at a time if that feels more manageable, or get it all done in one big sweep.

justmyview · 08/12/2014 20:27

Or choose two presents, one for the men and one for the women. Not v imaginative, but you can say you were tired out. Bit mean to turn up empty handed if everyone usually exchanges presents

Original poster
BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:28

I am skint. I have spent all my spare money getting over there. They've said I don't need to get them presents but I feel bad not doing it.

No, my family are not likely to buy gifts once the baby is here. None of us are well off.

OP posts:
ohmychrist · 08/12/2014 20:30

Being pregnant exempts someone from buying Christmas presents??

Yab totally bizarre.

Original poster
BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:30

My title is inaccurate- I don't actually want to be exempt but I'm worried about money.

OP posts:
Mintyy · 08/12/2014 20:31

Yabu.

SoftSheen · 08/12/2014 20:31

YABU.

If you are really skint then just buy them a small token each- 'it's the thought that counts'.

Being pregnant is no excuse whatsoever (and I say that as someone who is currently 36 weeks with DC2).

temporaryusername · 08/12/2014 20:33

What are the details - male/female, rough age etc?

Give us a tiny budget - we'll do it!

usualsuspectsparkly3 · 08/12/2014 20:33

If you are skint then YANBU.

ShadowKat · 08/12/2014 20:34

If you want to not buy presents, then you need to speak to your relatives and agree that you won't buy each other presents this year.

It's likely to cause annoyance and bad feeling if they're expecting an exchange of presents, have bought you a present, and then you turn up empty handed.

Realistically, you may have left it too late for a "no presents this year" talk.

notinagreatplace · 08/12/2014 20:36

Sorry, I think you're being precious. It's six presents, it's really not that big a deal. If you're able to do 13 hours of travel each way, you're clearly not incapacitated.

There are plenty of inexpensive gifts and things you could hand make. Or even personalised things you can order on the internet - you could do a wall calendar with family photos for each couple for about a fiver.

Original poster
BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:39

I am skint. I am skint partly because it costs a lot to get there, I have to stay for a week because my friend is driving with us, I ALWAYS end up buying all the groceries and paying bills while I'm there so am budgeting for that and I also paid my sister's rent deposit this month. My family are properly poor. I have 2 paychecks left before my baby and we're dropping onto my salary.

So yeah, I'm broke but I want to be with them.

It's my mum but we've already clubbed together for her and got her a tablet. My brother is 23 then 3 women, 22, 31 and 32. I thought we were getting a spa day for my wee sister but seems not.

I can only afford £20 each if that but it feels stingy.

OP posts:
usualsuspectsparkly3 · 08/12/2014 20:39

Surely the OPS immediate family won't care about presents.

Mine wouldn't if I said I was skint. They would still buy me a present though.

MN is so bloody huffy and precious about presents.

Original poster
BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:40

Oh and my bro in law.

OP posts:
notinagreatplace · 08/12/2014 20:42

Talk about a drip feed!

Original poster
BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:42

But yeah I worded this wrong. I don't want to be exempt, I like getting gifts. I'm just panicky about money.

OP posts:
madsadbad · 08/12/2014 20:42

My family would be massively pissed off if I brought for them in these circs.
If your there for a week could you think of something individual or as a group to do with them- give them your presence not your presents Grin

Original poster
BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:44

Sorry my post wasn't expertly crafted with every detail. I think IABU not to get gifts. I was probably looking for someone to assuage my conscience.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigCatFace · 08/12/2014 20:46

I did think of that madsadbad- this will be the last time I'll be able to get home for quite a while and thought I could pay for a day out where we had our childhood holidays. Not sure how keen they'd be in freezing December though.

OP posts:
Mia1415 · 08/12/2014 20:48

Buying a small gift is far better than turning up with nothing. It's the thought that counts

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