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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's fine not to answer my door if I don't want to?

35 replies

TimelyNameChangey · 08/12/2014 16:15

As mentioned in a thread yesterday, I have a neighbour who knocks on my door too much.

4 times or more yesterday.

Just got in from school with DC...we live in flats and her front door is opposite mine...very little privacy.

Anyway...I hear her knocking just now while I was getting DD2 ready for her school performance later and DD1 is sick on the sofa so I chose to ignore it.

She then knocked quietly around 5 times...pausing for a long time between each time.

I felt bloody harassed!

Anyway...I now want to nip to the shop but feel if I do then she'll see me!

Was I wrong to ignore her? Should I just go to the shop? What shall I say to her if she pops out?

OP posts:

DoraGora · 08/12/2014 16:16

Is she lonely and bored?

weeblueberry · 08/12/2014 16:18

If she pops out just tell her you were in the middle of something/in the shower/playing a piano concerto. Who cares? No you don't have to open your door all the time.

usualsuspectsparkly3 · 08/12/2014 16:19

I'd answer the door and say I'm busy right now. I wouldn't ignore a neighbour knocking.

OfaFrenchMind · 08/12/2014 16:21

YANBU. But now I want to know why she is always knocking :)

FiveHoursSleep · 08/12/2014 16:22

Say you were on the loo...

DoraGora · 08/12/2014 16:23

People who knock on the door all the time, for no reason, might have problems. I'm not sure how often I'd want to open my door to a problem neighbour.

whattodoforthebest2 · 08/12/2014 16:23

If you're too busy, say so. Just say politely that you have to dash out and you've got a lot to do atm and you'll see her tomorrow. Then tomorrow, say hello and emphasize how busy you are at present and repeat 'see you tomorrow, ok?'

If you do stop for a chat when you can, and don't when you can't, that's fair, isn't it?

Jackie0 · 08/12/2014 16:25

You do not have to explain yourself to anyone.

Knocked your door 4+ times yesterday?
What on earth does she want?
I'd be actively discouraging it.

You did absolutely the right thing.

Fudgeface123 · 08/12/2014 16:26

I never open the door unless I'm expecting someone and then I make them text me to say they've arrived. I live in a very rural area though and I have a door that doesn't have a vision panel in it.

A neighbour knocking every day would drive me potty, she needs to find a way to amuse herself

HollyJollyDillydolly · 08/12/2014 16:31

YANBU.
Sounds awful that you need to go out but are putting it off because you're worried you might bump into her.
I ignore my door a lot of I'm not expecting deliveries, we get a lot of chuggers and people from religious organisations here so there's no point wasting my time and theirs by answering the door as in not interested in what they have to sell.

furcoatbigknickers · 08/12/2014 16:43

Of course yanbu. Either tell her straight or be off and hope she gets the message.

Topseyt · 08/12/2014 16:59

Of course you don't have to answer your door every time.

A neighbour knocking willy nilly on my door throughout the day would drive me nuts.

Maybe if you stop answering every time she might start to get the message?? Or maybe not, though you can but try.

GloopyGhoul · 08/12/2014 17:01

Nope. Not unreasonable at all. I hate net curtains with a firey passion, but am considering getting them for the front room so that people cannot see when I'm slobbing on the sofa eating crisps and wearing pyjamas home, but ignoring the doorbell.

This does seem to be one of the issues which divides MN, though. It's either considered very rude to ignore doorbells & phone calls, or someone will say that "it's only an invitation to a conversation". I'm always reminded of Stephen Fry talking about doorbells and phone calls being a bit like someone standing next to you saying, "Hello! Hello! HELLO! Talk to me, talk to me,talk to me! HELLOOOO!" until you give in.

MrsMaker83 · 08/12/2014 17:13

Yanbu

Wtf does she even want!?

Hatespiders · 08/12/2014 17:14

I had a friend who used to put a little notice on her door saying something like, 'Please do not knock or ring. I am unavailable at the moment.'
Maybe that would work?

Quitelikely · 08/12/2014 17:17

I think my response to the situation would be influenced by the reason for her knocking so often?????

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 08/12/2014 17:18

I do mostly answer the door, although I didn't the other morning at 8am when I was still wrapped in my towel while trying to feed the DCs their breakfast and make the packed lunches.

A neighbour constantly knocking would drive me insane. Can you talk to her and somehow stop her doing it?

fairylightsintheloft · 08/12/2014 17:22

totally get how annoying it is but, season of goodwill and all - maybe she's lonely, just wants a little bit of human contact. My parents have a lady next door to them who was widowed a year or two ago. They've all lived there for years - not friends, but pleasant acquiantances. Since the husband died, the lady does rather intrude herself several times a week on some flimsyish pretext but they try very very hard to make time for her and let her chat on about some inconsequential issue while they get on with whatever they were doing around her. My dad will go and set her sky box up, change lightbulbs etc. I hope that when one of my parents is on their own someone might do the same for them. I'm not saying its not annoying or that you have to invite her in - have a firm but polite "so sorry we're busy" line ready but I think to ignore when you know its her and not a random chugger is a little rude unkind. It depends who she is really, and what the back-story is.

woodychip · 08/12/2014 17:26

What is she knocking for?

Original poster

TimelyNameChangey · 08/12/2014 17:26

Turns out she was after a "spare transformer" for her fairy lights! I do think she's a nice person but really....who the feck has a spare one at this time of year!?

It's always something!

She meant to buy one earlier...forgot..thought she'd ask me.

Who does that!?

You just wait till tomorrow surely and buy one then!? Or am I wrong?

OP posts:

Original poster

TimelyNameChangey · 08/12/2014 17:28

Fairylights she is lonely I suspect but she's young...in her twenties. I do help her...have the odd coffee etc as I believe communities should stick together but really. I feel a bit stalked.

OP posts:

Fluffyears · 08/12/2014 17:29

I ignore the door if I'm home alone unless I'm exoecting a delivery but I will check spy hole first. Maybe I'm too paranoid. I'd have to tell her to leave me alone!

SolidGoldBrass · 08/12/2014 17:33

She's not your responsibility just because she happens to live near you. Ignore her if you want, especially if she makes you uneasy.

DoraGora · 08/12/2014 17:35

What does she do all day? Sit in waiting for you? Introduce her to mumsnet!

hellyhants · 08/12/2014 17:36

Of course it is ok not to open your door. If I opened my door for every cold caller I'd never get any work done (neighbours don't call fortunately). Are you in a house? If so, you can hang out of an upstairs window and say you are busy. Or put a do not disturb sign on the door.

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