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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask whether it's 'ok' not to go to your work christmas party?

110 replies

stripeysoup · 07/12/2014 20:19

I haven't been in my new job that long, don't know many people in the company and tend to get nervous in circumstances like this unless I've had a drink. I'm on medication at the moment which means that I can't drink very much without losing all inhibitions and coming out with embarrassing remarks (I know this from experience - they don't seem embarrassing when drunk but I cringe when I remember them the morning after!).

I decided not to go to the Christmas party because of the above, but I've had a few comments since asking why I didn't go. I'm not a very good lier unfortunately so didn't want to make up an elaborate excuse that would come back and bite me later - I just said that I had other plans.

Now I've got the impression that a few people think I'm snobby/rude/anti-social and have actively avoided me since.

Is it unacceptable not to go to your work christmas party without a cast iron excuse? Has anyone else not gone to their work christmas party and how did you get out of it?

OP posts:

FryOneFatManic · 07/12/2014 22:16

I like the way we do our dos.

No partners, staff go for a meal out. Last year there were a few smaller dos with 2-3 teams joining up in each do, at lunchtime, so no probs with alcohol.

This year there's going to be a meal at a local place for about 120 people, again during the day and no partners, so not bad for the social stuff without it all getting out of hand.

islandmama · 07/12/2014 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unclerory · 07/12/2014 22:27

I don't go anymore, I'm not up for nights out with loud music anymore. No-one thinks badly of me, my boss doesn't go and so most of the managers don't either.

Oldraver · 07/12/2014 22:28

I havn't gone to a works Christmas do ever

Bowchickawowow · 07/12/2014 22:30

We have an office lunch and I am taking my small team out for the evening seperately. I am good friends with people I work with but no alcohol with work colleagues is a golden rule for me. DH is teetotal after a drinking problem, so I have no time for people who try and force you to drink because they think you can't have fun if you don't.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 07/12/2014 22:33

Oh yes we're doing a team lunch this week , I'm looking forward to that as I like my team I work with and it's low key even if I do have to pay for it myself.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 07/12/2014 22:40

When I was working I liked my work mates, and would have happily spent many an hour with them chatting away.
However, I worked a long way from home and the type of Christmas do they tended to opt for was a midweek affair going on till the wee hours. It was never at a cheap venue, and the set menu was often just out of my price range. I once worked out that to attend a do would cost me somewhere in the region of £150 - £200. I just could not afford that for one night.
So instead I always put myself down to work either the night shift or the long day after, thus enabling someone else who could afford to go more chance of being able to. Thing is with our work, 8 people would have to miss out anyway.

kslatts · 07/12/2014 22:46

I don't think you have to go, however I do think its a good way to get to know your work colleagues, especially if you are fairly new in your job.

mofro · 07/12/2014 22:51

My first work do in about 15 years and can't wait!! Yes, will be awkward as im a teetotal veggie, and hate being around drunk people who love feeling each other up....but i do like a lot of the people i work with and it's our first xmas do since i joined. Ive never been to other night out birthdays or after work drinks....but am old eniugh and mumsy enough to get away with it.ours is a very social place though...everything paid for too so all good!!

Pilgit · 07/12/2014 22:55

I don't go for similar reasons. And I hate crowds and fine small talk difficult. Thankfully as I have to make plans very far in advance due to children and other stuff the invitation came too late so I can legitimately say I have other plans. Be who you are - no point in trying to force it.

solidussnake · 08/12/2014 10:09

I absolutely hate going out, im really paranoid so I don't usually, but our works do is a sit down a la carte meal at a fancy italian in the city. it looks amazing and I can't wait!
I didn't want to go at first at all, but now I'm very excited as I have my dress & shoes sorted!!

moomoo1967 · 08/12/2014 10:24

The people I work with are very antisocial and there are never out of work get togethers. I found this hard after moving from an office where we used to get together all the time. There are only 9 of us and we live all over the county. We used to go out for food at Xmas until our huge corporate company stopped the Xmas do allowance, so last year and this year we haven't gone. I leave work and then that is it until the next day. There is no camaraderie which I miss.

Fudgeface123 · 08/12/2014 10:24

I've been to the main company Christmas party once in 12 years. I did go to a team curry on Friday night though, great fun.

I just don't like big, formal parties with people I won't see year in year out

PoirotsMoustache · 08/12/2014 10:35

I'm not going this year, neither is DH (we work for the same company).

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying 'I already had plans'. It's rude for people to demand an explanation - you are absolutely not obliged to give a reason!

Babyroobs · 08/12/2014 10:37

I don't go to mine. The reasons are that colleauges bitch and moan about each other all year then act all nicely to each other on social functions. The second reason is that before I've even got home there will be photos ( usually unflattering) posted on facebook of the night out. Personally I would rather spend the money on a quiet night out with my dh than on a booze fuelled night out with colleauges. I don't care if they think I'm boring!

FriendlyLadybird · 08/12/2014 10:42

As the type of person who was almost always involved in organising the Christmas party, I'd say YANBU -- but I bet you'd have wanted to come to one of mine!

Loads of people NEVER go to office Christmas parties. Some can't some years because they have other engagements -- it's a time of year when there are lots of things going on. Your colleagues are probably only commenting because it would have been a good opportunity to get to know everyone and maybe their parties are always really good. Nothing to worry about.

OfaFrenchMind · 08/12/2014 10:42

Lot of awkward turtles in MN :)

I love the Christmas party in the UK, they are so outrageous! The key is to know when to discreetly leave when you cross the line from gently pissed to drunk.

zipetwhippet · 08/12/2014 10:55

Yanbu

I'm not going this year, as it's a 3 course meal and we are going out on a meal the night before for a family do. It would be too much. A lot of people have asked why I'm not going -I just said that.

TooHasty · 08/12/2014 11:07

DH had his xmas do last weekend and hated it because he was so embarassed by his drunk colleagues.It is hard to respect people who let themselves get to the vomitting/passing out/falling over stage.

Songofsixpence · 08/12/2014 11:21

I never go to mine, and no one has ever commented on it - they know I'm a miserable old grinch who hates organised jollity and leave me to it

My boss likes to organise "fun, team building" stuff so gets us all go ten pin bowling while wearing fancy dress

We usually go down the pub for lunch and a few drinks on Christmas Eve and I'll happily go to that but I hate the other stuff

I usually plead childcare issues, but to be honest, they all know it's code for "I'd rather stick pins in my eyes"

NoelleHawthorne · 08/12/2014 11:33

I agree - what a bunch of boring feckers

CaptainHammer · 08/12/2014 11:34

YANBU.

I never go to mine, it's normally somewhere I'm not particularly keen on plus I don't drink and the rest of them do (a lot!). I normally cover the evening shift that day instead while they all go!

Fallingovercliffs · 08/12/2014 12:13

YANBU. I've often given the Christmas party a miss, depending on what kind of affair it is. If it's an afternoon meal followed by a few drinks in the pub I will usually go. If it's a night time 'do' in a hotel which involves getting all dressed up and dancing with colleagues then I find I'm 'otherwise engaged' that night.
The only thing I take issue with is people turning their noses up at the very idea of socialising with colleagues and coming out with snotty 'I have a life' comments.

WetAugust · 08/12/2014 12:29

read this thread and thank goodness I'm retired - bad memories!

Summerisle1 · 08/12/2014 12:45

YANBU in not going but I'd probably have said "Sorry I can't join you but it clashes with an event that's been in my diary before I started working here" rather just put it down to "other plans". That way you don't come across as too good for their company (not that I'm suggesting you are!).

I think that many people have got fed up with the forced, OTT qualities of the traditional work Christmas do. It's perfectly possible to enjoy celebrating Christmas with work colleagues without spending a fortune in order to watch people drink everything that isn't nailed down and then witness the inevitable consequences.

Also, just because you work with people and indeed like the people you work with, this still doesn't make them friends.

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