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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether it's 'ok' not to go to your work christmas party?

110 replies

stripeysoup · 07/12/2014 20:19

I haven't been in my new job that long, don't know many people in the company and tend to get nervous in circumstances like this unless I've had a drink. I'm on medication at the moment which means that I can't drink very much without losing all inhibitions and coming out with embarrassing remarks (I know this from experience - they don't seem embarrassing when drunk but I cringe when I remember them the morning after!).

I decided not to go to the Christmas party because of the above, but I've had a few comments since asking why I didn't go. I'm not a very good lier unfortunately so didn't want to make up an elaborate excuse that would come back and bite me later - I just said that I had other plans.

Now I've got the impression that a few people think I'm snobby/rude/anti-social and have actively avoided me since.

Is it unacceptable not to go to your work christmas party without a cast iron excuse? Has anyone else not gone to their work christmas party and how did you get out of it?

OP posts:
NoelleHawthorne · 07/12/2014 20:43

agree - if you aren't going as you don't like it that is fine! - I get that, to sneer at other people having fun is not.

NoelleHawthorne · 07/12/2014 20:44

I do think you grow out of those big corporate dos, yes.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 07/12/2014 20:47

I think I last went to one about 16 years ago. Problem was that I'd never met most of them because I worked for an agency. Barbarous gloom prevailed.

SilentAllTheseYears · 07/12/2014 20:50

I wouldn't have said YABU, but then I've never been to a Christmas party.

Fabulous46 · 07/12/2014 20:59

YANBU. I don't go to my works Christmas party. I always manage to be on call that night to give the rest of the staff the chance to attend Wink. I'm VERY considerate!

meandjulio · 07/12/2014 21:03

It's only December - they'll get over it. Try to go to the next social event, whatever it is, and it will all be forgotten.

NoSundayWorkingPlease · 07/12/2014 21:06

I do think you grow out of those big corporate dos, yes

Not everyone does! On our do last week, we had to carry one of our team to her taxi at 11.30 - she's in her mid 60's, very respectable and serious in work, just loves a good work shindig!

InfinitySeven · 07/12/2014 21:06

They Are pretty much compulsory in my industry. It's looked on very poorly if you don't go. They do give plenty of notice so you can arrange childcare, transport etc, though.

Catypillar · 07/12/2014 21:07

One of my colleagues said she is not going to ours. "Why not?" she was asked by another colleague. "Because I'm really antisocial and I don't want to" she replied. I love her.

ApocalypseThen · 07/12/2014 21:10

I never go either. I find it a bit of an imposition, not least because of a couple of sleazebag men who I work with but refuse to socialise with. Some things I simply won't tolerate.

tilliebob · 07/12/2014 21:12

I rarely go to staff do's, especially Christmas ones. If I have £40 or whatever "spare" cash to spend on a "party" night, plus spends, plus outfit etc etc, I'd rather go out with my mates. I hate spending money I can I'll afford just to wind up sitting next to the boss with a polite smile all night - yuck!

Selks · 07/12/2014 21:12

I don't go. It's expensive and not my thing, so I don't go. Only about 50% of people at work do go (big service) so I suppose it's not an issue. I enjoyed every moment of not going! Grin

iklboo · 07/12/2014 21:14

I didn't go to ours. Not keen on the venue & didn't really like anything on the (very limited) menu. I wasn't going to waste £40, plus drinks, plus taxis on a night I wouldn't really have enjoyed & come home hungry.

Snatchoo · 07/12/2014 21:14

I'm not going. Don't want to.

I have been to a few, but I'm sick of witnessing the snogging and general carryings-on of attached adults and being put in really awkward positions.

Also I don't handle my drink well Grin

Selks · 07/12/2014 21:14

Basic cost of going to mine would be - cost of the 'do' £40, taxi home £30, drinks, £30, new outfit £100. So £200 on an evening I would not enjoy. I have no hesitation not going!!

WhatWouldBlairWaldorfDo · 07/12/2014 21:16

I rarely go to mine. This year i genuinely have other plans, so declined. Not really my thing.

I get on fine with people at work, we have a laugh and i like 99% of them, but just dont see why i would choose to spend my free time with my co-workers and boss. I don't socialise with / speak to any of them outside of work. Not in a nasty way but work isnt my life.

WipsGlitter · 07/12/2014 21:17

Ours is held in work time. If your don't want to go you have to take leave. I didn't go last year - DS was in a sort of show at school so I used that as an excuse. Am going this year and dreading it. It like "a big deal" for some saddos colleagues who obviously don't get out much.

NoelleHawthorne · 07/12/2014 21:18

Do NONE of you have mates you work with?

manchestermummy · 07/12/2014 21:19

I don't go. There have been genuine reasons why I haven't in the past (ill child, dh's do on the same night and he actually enjoys his colleagues' company) but these days I just say thanks but no. I usually say that dh's do is on the same night and was arranged over the summer. This is actually true this year!

We have a lunch too and I'm not going to that either. Can't be doing with it (been a tough year at work and I am miserable in more than one sense) and I may have something in my diary that "cannot be shifted".

Osirus · 07/12/2014 21:20

I go to my office do, as I see them all as my friends (and we socialise as such at other times) but not the firm's main do. I am hugely antisocial and I feel more lonely in a crowd of people than I do when I'm alone.

WhatWouldBlairWaldorfDo · 07/12/2014 21:23

noelle no i dont. I get on with the people i work with but when i walk out the door at 6pm thats it. If i saw them i would speak but wouldnt call any of them a friend. Work is just one section of my life. When i was younger i would make friends at work, and one of my best friends now is someone i worked in a pub with years ago. Just one of those things

manchestermummy · 07/12/2014 21:23

noelle not me Smile.

I should also add that for me, another reason I don't go is that public transport to where I live doesn't exist and I refuse to spend 40 on a meal that includes wine I won't be drinking. I get this face: Hmm.

Arven · 07/12/2014 21:24

I think it is ok not to go, but like sahm makeme now im working again, i cant wait for mine! They're a mixed bunch, but good humoured.

WipsGlitter · 07/12/2014 21:26

No. I like some of them but they're not my friends. I like to keep work and home separate.

ApocalypseThen · 07/12/2014 21:26

Not really. I like the people I work directly with and I enjoy working with them, but we all have lives and families outside work so I wouldn't describe us as friends per se.