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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? MIL gift

35 replies

polpeck · 07/12/2014 14:17

my partners mum has just got us tickets to a Hyde park British summer time gig in June next year for his birthday. I'm pregnant and due 28th of this month. its a lovely gift but not only will we have to pay £40 each to get there on the train, we will either have to leave early and miss the main act or stay in London at extra cost that we can't afford because of train times. the first thing she said was that she will baby sit..I don't want this as I wont want to leave her over night and not comfortable as mil isn't respectful of the way other people do things plus she lives a little way away so picking up LO would be awkward but I have thought about taking her with us anyway. but the main thing is my OH has taken the week off that week because we planned to visit my parents who live over 4 hours away and I rarely get to see/wont see the baby much, she knew this yet she has still brought the tickets...am I being unreasonable being a bit annoyed? I get on with my mil but just cant help but feel theres some sort of ulterior motive..

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 07/12/2014 14:22

It's a strange thing to buy without checking first.

Can your DP just go with a friend instead?

ApocalypseThen · 07/12/2014 14:22

What ulterior motive do you think it might be? Has she some particular plan that buying this present might accomplish?

DoJo · 07/12/2014 14:23

She probably didn't consider all the objections that you have listed and just thought she was doing a nice thing. Is it not possible that she just hasn't remembered that you had plans for that week? And could you not drive into London so that you would be able to leave whenever you like and pick up your daughter on the way home? If it is going to cost £40 each on the train, then it might be cheaper to drive as well...

Aeroflotgirl · 07/12/2014 14:27

It is a very kind gift, mabey she diden't think. I personally would not object to your dp taking a friend instead as its his birthday gift really.

Original poster
polpeck · 07/12/2014 14:30

she has remembered because it was mentioned when it was given saying you have the week off because you were going to go to your parents. I know its a lovely thought but I feel like it should of been checked. and shes always a bit off with us going to my parents as its far away we always go for a week if possible. to which we always get comments about..

OP posts:
CMP69 · 07/12/2014 14:32

Just says it's a lovely thought blah blah, but not practical logistically, financially, etc. Sell the tickets and let him buy something else Grin

Original poster
polpeck · 07/12/2014 14:32

after looking at train times etc. I told him he should go with someone else, but he wasn't happy that I would then go to see my parents in that time which would mean hes away from LO for a week

OP posts:
RedButtonhole · 07/12/2014 14:40

Can't he travel to your parents' seperately after the gig if he goes with someone else? I think that would probably be the best solution, you still get to visit parents, minimal hurt to MIL as her son still gets to use the gift she chose for him.

You also will only have to cover DH travel instead of both of you, since friend would cover their own.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2014 14:42

Why can't he join you at your parents afterwards?

Original poster
polpeck · 07/12/2014 14:49

he could but would be a 5 or so hour journey by train again so more expense for a couple of days before having to get back for work.

OP posts:
GloriousGoosebumps · 07/12/2014 14:53

She obviously does have an ulterior motive - by buying tickets for this particular week she has manoeuvred herself into the role of babysitter for the night and achieves the double whammy of putting a stop to the visit to your parents or at least curtailing the visit.

As suggested above, why don’t you send DH to the concert with a friend while you go and visit your family? Or if DH would rather be with you, then sell the tickets. Either way her dastardly plan has failed!

Ohfourfoxache · 07/12/2014 14:56

I second Goosebumps' take on this and plan.

ChasedByBees · 07/12/2014 14:57

I would sell them if your DH is on board with that. I definitely wouldn't cancel the trip to your parents. Tell MIL it doesn't work with your existing plans - give her the chance to get something else or let her know you'll sell them on.

DoJo · 07/12/2014 15:00

Given the obstacles to either of you enjoying this event, I would suggest that you politely tell your MIL that it is a nice thought, but it's not going to work with your existing commitments for that week and would she like to go instead. If it's not an event that your husband is particularly desperate to attend and you already have plans which make it impractical to attend without it being a huge inconvenience, then why tie yourself in knots? She may have some nefarious plan, she may not, but either way, if it's simply not practical for either of you to attend then you will just have to let her know and give her a chance to re-sell or re-gift the tickets.

YvesJutteau · 07/12/2014 15:02

Give DH the choice of going with a friend and then coming on to join you at your parents' house or just selling the tickets on (and then you can spend the money on something you can actually use). Don't even consider cancelling the trip to see your parents.

Goldmandra · 07/12/2014 15:02

You need to tell him that you are going to your mums with LO as planned and he can either sell the tickets or go with a friend and join you at your mums before and/or after.

This kind of manipulative behaviour is awful and you need to make sure it doesn't work.

MrsPiggie · 07/12/2014 15:06

You are seriously overthinking this. She's given you a nice gift, she offered to babysit as to enable you to go, surely a visit to your parents can be rearranged? If you don't want to go, just tell her you can't go, but you don't have to imagine nefarious plans behind a simple gift?

RhiWrites · 07/12/2014 15:15

His mum so his problem. It wasn't you that created the issue. What would he rather do?

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 07/12/2014 15:16

Go to your parents OP. Your DP can either sell the tickets and go with you or go to the event with a friend and then travel to your parents later.

YvesJutteau · 07/12/2014 15:20

It's a "nice gift" that has cost the MIL £140 to buy but will cost OP and her DH around an extra £200 to use, though, MrsPiggie (assuming that they actually want to see the headline band play).

OP, has she bought you Friday night (The Who) or Saturday (Taylor Swift)? This may also influence my opinion of how nice a gift it is... Grin

hackmum · 07/12/2014 15:43

Glorious: "She obviously does have an ulterior motive - by buying tickets for this particular week she has manoeuvred herself into the role of babysitter for the night and achieves the double whammy of putting a stop to the visit to your parents or at least curtailing the visit."

Yup. My reading too. The normal thing to do would be to find out if it was something the OP was interested in doing/able to do first before buying the tickets. The fact that she hasn't done that suggests ulterior motives.

Goldmandra · 07/12/2014 16:10

It's a "nice gift" that has cost the MIL £140 to buy but will cost OP and her DH around an extra £200 to use

This 'gift' also just happens to disrupt a planned visit to the new baby's other grandmother that she was well aware of, while getting the MIL a night with said baby to herself.

A nifty move by a jealous MIL who knew exactly what she was doing. I have a feeling that she's going to quite a challenge to deal with once the baby arrives.

Infinity8 · 07/12/2014 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

simbacatlivesagain · 07/12/2014 16:29

It is in June- you havent even had the baby yet- making any plans that far ahead including seeing your parents may not be practical.

You may be able to take the baby with you and then all stay over- that would have worked with mine when they were 6 months old- stick them in a sling and go for it! Maybe your parents could join you in London for the night and they could babysit in the hotel for you? Train travel and hotels booked in advance can be pretty reasonable.

You dont need to do anything yet. Wait and see how it all goes.

MoreBonkersThanBonkers · 07/12/2014 16:33

If I was the OP I would not get involved and would go to my parents as planned. Rather than agonising over it I would leave it to my DH to decide what he wants to do about the tickets.