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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this holiday

93 replies

Discopanda · 06/12/2014 21:47

I'm pregnant with DD2 who is due in April and my OH announced today that his close friend is going to New York for a few weeks in July and has asked him to join him for a week. This would mean leaving me with a 3 year old and a 3 month old by myself, my mum lives a 2 hour train ride away and even if I asked her to come and stay to help me out I don't have the room.
Yes, New York would be amazing for him to visit, I'm slightly jealous as I'd like to go myself but earlier this year he went away for 10 days to Las Vegas with his friends leaving me home along with DD1. I really struggled as I don't drive and DD was incredibly clingy as she obvs thought daddy had just disappeared and wouldn't sleep in her room or play by herself for more than a few minutes at a time. There's absolutely no option of us going with him as it's a 'boys holiday' like Las Vegas. WIBU to put my foot down and tell him he's not going?

OP posts:
MrsDermotOLeary · 06/12/2014 21:49

Could you go and stay with your mum? Would that be an option?

misskangaandroo2014 · 06/12/2014 21:51

It sounds fine to me, 3 months is after the initial 'oh my stars there's 2 of these non stop demand machines' panic has started to turn into 'normal' for you.

prettywhiteguitar · 06/12/2014 21:51

Well it would be fine if you went on your hols with your friends, but it doesn't sound that way to me .

Where's the equality ?

icklekid · 06/12/2014 21:51

I would let him go if I could also have an amazing holiday and he would be prepared to have both dc! Also make sure your mum could come- Could one of you sleep in the living room?

prettywhiteguitar · 06/12/2014 21:52

Yes when's your holiday for ?

Cantbelievethisishappening · 06/12/2014 21:52

YABU. It's one week. Many women cope with far more challenging situations.

Scholes34 · 06/12/2014 21:55

Get him to drop you at your mum's before he goes.

Original poster
Discopanda · 06/12/2014 21:56

I can't go on holiday with my friends, OH won't take time off work and I wouldn't want to leave my family for a week.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 06/12/2014 21:56

YANBU to talk to him about why you would find it difficult.

YABU to "tell him he's not going".

Sparkletastic · 06/12/2014 21:56

Why the fuck should he have 2 amazing 'boys' holidays and you be left at home with the kids? You are a family now. You have holidays as a family when the kids are tiny and share the parenting. When they are older and your mum can have them you can have an amazing holiday together maybe.

Jaffakake · 06/12/2014 21:57

My oh goes away for work a few times a year, so I'll have to be on my own like this once in a while. However, I disappear with my best friend once a year which makes me feel like everything's a bit more equal.

My ds always reacts better if we talk to him about stuff in advance. He reacts badly to Skype/FaceTime but at 3yrs has totally got talking on the phone.

The way my relationship is, I'd be concerned about stopping dh doing something he really wants to do as over time it could foster resentment, so it's important to talk to him too.

WipsGlitter · 06/12/2014 21:58

I think you would manage. But yea, when do you get a break?

Can you learn to drive?

rookietherednosedreindeer · 06/12/2014 22:00

What's the impact on your family finances? I'm not against partners going away on trips without their family per se, but there needs to be some equality. These are two big trips and whilst it's hard to put your foot down on an adult doing something, it doesn't seem very fair to me.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 06/12/2014 22:02

Sure, many women cope in far more challenging circumstances, however, three months after your baby is born, for your partner to put his desire to have a holiday on his own above the needs of his partner and young family is selfish.

hooker29 · 06/12/2014 22:03

I wouldn't mind my DH going-I'm a big girl now and quite capable of being on my own for a week (and I would enjoy having full control of the TV for a week...).I would, however, make sure a lovely family holiday was booked for all of us too...

Only1scoop · 06/12/2014 22:03

Yanbu

Think he's selfish

noblegiraffe · 06/12/2014 22:05

He has two great expensive holidays and you get stuck home with the kids and no holiday?

Fuck that.

Original poster
Discopanda · 06/12/2014 22:05

I've asked family to just get me driving lessons for Christmas and I'm going to be insured on his car. I think he's being selfish quite frankly, my friends all told me I was being a mug when he went off for his 10 day holiday in Las Vegas and I just feel that I'm being walked over again, it's like he feels he needs a break from being a parent IFSWIM?

OP posts:
Original poster
Discopanda · 06/12/2014 22:08

Oh, forgot to mention we WERE supposed to go on holiday with DD in October but had to cancel it because he spent his money on the flight to Vegas. So that kind of makes me more angry about the situation...

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 06/12/2014 22:09
Hmm
Sparkletastic · 06/12/2014 22:11

So your family budget is covering JUST his holidays? Absolutely fuck that.

MuscatBouschet · 06/12/2014 22:15

My DH wouldn't even dare ask for a weeks holiday without the family.

Nanny0gg · 06/12/2014 22:19

He's spending family money on boys' holidays and the family doesn't get a holiday at all? And he would presumably also not have much leave left to spend with you all?

Selfish. I'd be suggesting he didn't bother to come back...

ThePinkOcelot · 06/12/2014 22:19

Put your foot down Op. Selfish twat!

NotGoingOut17 · 06/12/2014 22:19

OP - why wouldn't he take time off work to enable you to go on a (hypothetical holiday) but will do it for his holidays? Doesn't sound very fair to me.

That said, it's not his fault you don't want to go on holiday on your own, he shouldn't miss out because of that. But that's only true if you have the same opportunities to go away (should you wish) as him - otherwise i think he is massively selfish expecting you to enable his time away when he isn't willing to do the same in return

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