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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think football hospitality day out for DH justifies silly new coat for me?

31 replies

RojaGato · 06/12/2014 20:38

Today DH left at 9am to get train to football match over 100 miles away. It is with FIL, BIL and uncle, one of those special seats, meal and free drinks package things. After that he is meeting his pal for a few pints and will be back about 10.30pm.

I went to the shops to get some tinsel for the tree and felt a bit miserable to be honest (we have just moved to a new town for DH's work and I don't know anyone here yet).

Tried on a coat to cheer myself up as it was so daft. Woman passing by came up to me and said "Ooh, that's the best coat I've seen for ages, that suits you". She then went and got her pal and said "Doesn't that look good on her" and her pal said "Yes, that looks lovely, we like that".

www.frenchconnection.com/product/Woman+Collections+Coats+And+Jackets/70CCA/Corvette+Faux+Fur-Trimmed+Coat.htm

So I tried it on, and couldn't convince myself not to buy it. So I did, with DH credit card he gave me.

It's not that we can't afford it as such, but I don't usually spend so much on things. Last dress I bought was £12 in New Look sale. I feel a bit guilty. AIBU to think that £200 on football plus train ticket and beer money for DH means this is ok?

OP posts:
Bibasbottom · 06/12/2014 20:42

What an interesting coat!!!

If you can afford it then you don't need to justify it... Wink

Wowthishurtsalot · 06/12/2014 20:42

Sorry but that's one of the ugliest coats I've seen in ages. But then I'm not known for my fashion sense

In principle YANBU though but you are being VERY unreasonable to get that coat. Sorry!

crumblebumblebee · 06/12/2014 20:45

I agree that in principle, YANBU but the coat is erm, not my style at all.

overslept · 06/12/2014 20:46

I don't like the coat, sorry. Maybe it looks better in person?

YANBU to treat yourself though, you don't do it often and a coat is practical long term.

Original poster
RojaGato · 06/12/2014 20:46

WOW. It looks a look different on than in the picture to be fair.

Although I think I maybe picked it to make a point to DH about spending so much money on the football?

I don't mind when he goes to normal football a few times a year, even when it's £75 sometimes. But I think £200 has made me secretly angry and I am making a point with the glittery fur trimmed coat IYSWIM.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 06/12/2014 20:49

If you were angry about the football costs why didn't you say so?

If you can afford the coat I suppose you can buy it if you want.

overslept · 06/12/2014 20:50

Are you actually going to wear it OP? Even though it was bought as a protest? Because £200 is unreasonable if you never wear it Grin.

ilovesooty · 06/12/2014 20:51

Oh and I think the coat is hideous but I'm not the one buying it. Smile

Tinks42 · 06/12/2014 20:51

Another one here thats not too keen on the coat but if you like it thats all that matters.

YANBU to buy it though - whats good for the goose is good for the gander. Very justified I say Grin

ILoveSimonCowell · 06/12/2014 20:51

No problem on spending that amount on a coat or treating yourself, but frankly that coat is quite disgusting (but I'm quite boring on the coat front!). If you really like it I suggest you take it back, get a refund then buy it again when it's in the sale. I'm sure they'll have lots left for the sale!

CaroleService · 06/12/2014 20:51

I clicked the link and clicked on 'buy'.

my sorta coat!

DaisyFlowerChain · 06/12/2014 20:56

The coat is horrendous and so not worth the money.

If he pays for the football tickets etc himself with his earnings then he's NBU, if you are funding them from yours then he is BU.

Its not clear who's paying for the coat, if you are expecting him to as some form of childish punishment then do you plan to do that every time you disagree with his spending?

Original poster
RojaGato · 06/12/2014 20:56

ilovesooty I kind of did, but it wasn't really sinking in?

I think it's that it's away all day for football today, plus work nights out next Friday and the one after- he doesn't like to go out two nights in row, but that means we won't go out at all before Xmas? He says he hasn't had time think about us going out before Xmas (I've suggested few things but it isn't looking likely he'll have time or energy for any of them from the reaction). But he had time to order tickets for a football cup semi-final with his pal at the end of January one morning this week before he went to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
RojaGato · 06/12/2014 21:02

Daisy We pool everything and then pay for outgoings from that and split surplus when there is any between savings or spending money, so it's kind of "our money" on both.

I don't think I'm doing it to punish him for spending money. I think I'm doing it to get attention because he has time for family and work socialising but not for us. And that and my reaction are kind of worrying me tbh.

OP posts:
Trills · 06/12/2014 21:02

That's a hideous coat.

Talk to your DH about ho you feel, and sort things out so that you get time to spend as you wish just like he does.

And that you get "fun" time to spend together, not just separately.

And then organise your finances so that you both definitely get equal spending money.

If you still want the coat later on I am fairly certain it won't sell out...

Original poster
RojaGato · 06/12/2014 21:08

Trills I've spoken to him about the fun time together thing, which is really what I think is bothering me. I do things like organise meals out for us, find out what is on at the cinema & get tickets., But he doesn't. We've spoken about it, but it doesn't happen. If I organise it happens. If I don't it doesn't, we just don't go out. And that is starting to worry me.

OP posts:
simbacatlivesagain · 06/12/2014 21:17

Gosh. are you under 25 and smaller than a size 8? if so the coat may be for you. £145 isnt expensive for what it is.

chocolateyy · 06/12/2014 21:23

YANBU. The coat is fabulous. It'll keep you nice & toasty when you accompany him to the football next year

Minerves · 06/12/2014 21:32

thank you very much. now i've just spent 145 i wasn't planning on... love the coat!

superram · 06/12/2014 21:50

I like the coat but wouldn't wear it. I love football- my dad is obsessed and travels all over the world following club and country. He spends a lot. Neither my husband or I would spend huge amounts but £200 on an away game is not huge-if you can afford it.
If you don't want him to go so much say now or forever hold your peace. My mum ensured i didn't marry someone obsessed by football. I am glad but I would spend £200 if I really wanted to go to a particular game.

misskangaandroo2014 · 06/12/2014 22:39

It's not that much for a good (well made, nice fabric) coat.
There's absolutely no reason why you can't spend money on you, when H has spent on himself.
But, do you want it as a 'yar boo sucks to you'? Or
Personally if H had treated himself to a day out for his interest I'd probably spend that money in a planned way. Not on an impulse buy.
If it suits you I can see how the unsolicited compliments from strangers would make it more appealing.
To be honest it would have to make me look 2 sizes smaller with glossy hair to buy it Blush. But nothing ever suits me Envy

Mandatorymongoose · 06/12/2014 22:53

I love the coat!

A new coat is an excellent way to cheer yourself up. That's why they call it retail therapy and even at £200 it's cheaper than actual therapy Wink.

loveka · 06/12/2014 23:01

Gorgeous coat. Coats are fab, you can be feeling a bit rubbish but an amazing coat makes you feel great again!

I think you are feeling resentful though, so talk it through with him.

cerealqueen · 06/12/2014 23:04

If you felt fucking fantastic wearing it, then no, yanbu!

RJnomore · 06/12/2014 23:06

I love it.

It is totally different to anything I've seen - but that isn't bad!

I'm sorely tempted...

Oh and YANBU, I wouldn't mind about his football but I wouldn't think twice about treating myself too.