"if they hit you hit them back"

[solidussnake]

TAAT in a way. why do parents teach children to hit the other child if they've been hit? AIBU to think it's not the best way to go about it?
My mum told me exactly the same thing... why?

why not go speak to the neighbours morrigu and see if you can settle this amicably?

Little children, no. They're all equally little sods and any child hitting for real at that age needs help.

Later?

All bets are OFF.

Hitting a bully is the only way to cure a bully. The only way.

It's not like, when we're adults, we follow the "if they hit you you must be a lovely sweet child and go and tell a grownie uppie right away!" rule is it? No. You defend yourself. You don't get grabbed in a bar and think 'oh, I'll just say 'No!' to this bully, or perhaps ask them if they want to eat lunch with me', you FIGHT. The solution changes because the rules have changed. Someone attacking you with intent to cause harm needs to be harmed. Someone attacking you because they're a silly 6 year old, no, not the same. But at 14? 15? 34?

Drop 'em to their knees.

My son went to Karate/Judo/Every other martial art under the sun and could put his 6'4" Dad on his arse if he wanted to but he won't. He diffuses situations by humour. He has always been told to never start a fight, but if no one is doing anything to help him to damn well stop it using physical force if necessary. He never would though.

My daughter is quite young but If she was in a situation where she was being physically bullied I would tell her the same.

When I was growing up there was an awful bully who was always punching my friend and one day on the way home she punched me in the face (I was with my friend). I punched her back and split her lip. She never picked on my friend or I again. She was a nasty piece of work.

Bellwether

As an adult who is not a thug, when I have been in conflict situations I have not hit back, I have exited the area. The most I have ever done is blocked punches. That is how a responsible adult should behave.

I was assaulted earlier this year by a neighbour. I let her land the punch and then told her I would be informing the police and if she ever laid another hand on me I would not hesitate to use my martial arts to end the conflict. A friendly word from the local police officer and she has never hit me again or threatened me.

Just because someone hits you first that does not give you carte blanche to hit back. Not even in criminal law. I asked the copper who dealt with the neighbour what he would have done if I had whacked her one back, would that be a criminal offence? He said if that had happened and we had both started brawling he would have arrested both of us.

I am gobsmacked as someone who other MN posters refer to as "rough as fuck" to be the one who would not act like a thug and behave like a responsible adult.

I told my child not to hit back, but to tell a teacher, the result my child was hit and then told a teacher who became annoyed at him .... Now I tell him, knock their teeth out son!

I teach my children that if someone hits them, they hit back.

My children are not there to be someone else's punch bag.

However, if my child hits someone first, they can be 100% certain of the fact that Mummy is going to be mighty pissed off with them!

I was bullied horrendously at school and always told to just ignore it. Like a poster up thread I once walked home from school with one of the bullies literally hanging from my hair, and I ignored. This continued for four years until one day I snapped, and hit back. It wasnt even a hard slap, never mind a punch, but from that day on, no one laid a finger on me, or even called me names.

My daughter was told to never start anything, but always finish it.

We always told our boys not to start anything, but if someone else starts it you can finish it!

Wwwwd

As an adult you can choose to exit the area as a kid at school you can't have that luxury.

Sorry my kids are noones punch bags and neither am I.

Hit back and hit harder.

I am afraid to say telling teacher doesn't work. Not past 10 anyway.

My dd in yr 3 was hounded by another girl. Dd didn't retaliate until one day the same child spat in dds face. Dd stood up to the girl and walloped her as hard as she could (enough to leave a substantial bruise) Both dd and the child got into trouble for the incident. When I picked dd up from schoolshe told me what had happened. She also said the reason she was upset was not because she had hit the other child but the fact she had got into trouble for it and thought I would tell her off for hitting another child. I told dd that whilst it was wrong to hit the other child (and had to accept the consequences of her actions)I was extremely proud of her for standing up for herself. When the teacher asked to have a meeting with me about dd reaction (or in her words over reaction) I said that whilst I do not condone violence I do believe everybody has the right to defend themselves and dd response whilst over the top for her ( she is actually a very gentle soul)it was an appropriate response to what had happened.

Good on your dd muskey if someone spat in my face I would react the same.

I was bullied in year 7 by a sixth form girl and her mates and their boyfriends for a few months. They would follow me and my friend home from school. One day she got me alone and started on me, her mates and the boyfriends all looking on. I saw red and walloped her before knocking her to the ground in a rugby tackle. Her boyfriend pulled me off and she called me some nasty names screaming at me. I didn't care that she'd scratched me deeply across my face and pulled a chunk of my hair out, I felt like I got my confidence back. She never so much as even looked at me again and I got a reputation as someone not to be messed with. I was never bullied again. I've always told my kids not to instigate violence or they'd have me to deal with, but if anyone hits you or repeatedly bullies you and the teachers don't put a stop to it then all bets are off. Hit once and make it a good 'un

Honestlie on reflection I don't know why I said especially boys - I think I meant it because boys are more prone to fisticuffs than girls on account of all the raging testosterone and so getting them to channel that natural physicality into something that is beneficial to mind and body seems like a good idea. But thinking about it, girls need to know how to take care of physical threat as much if not more than men given that it tends to be male violence on women that is more common than the other way round.
Blokes do seem to settle scores with a punch up more than women do. I think by and large women perfect the art of a good verbal punch up. At least that's what I have observed...