Claridges Breastfeeding Policy

[ifgrandmahadawilly]

Aibu in posting this here, in the hopes that the people of mumsnet let Claridges know how unreasonable they are being?

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11267989/Mother-forced-to-cover-up-with-large-napkin-while-breastfeeding-at-Claridges.html

Xpost with tiktok

Looking at the lovely natural pictures on the Buzzfeed link made me realise how much we have regressed in the 21st century. I suppose it can only be due to the advent of 'page 3' and soft porn being used in ads, that attitudes have become so twisted.

BeCool, the mother who said she found breastfeeding repugnant at least recognised it as her own problem - who knows what's gone on in her life to make her feel that way? She added that she would leave the room/restaurant, and not expect the mother to stop.

To me, it's akin to women who are struggling with fertility issues or pregnancy loss, or the death of a child - they can find it very, very hard to be in a world where everyone else seems to be pregnant or with a baby or toddler. Their grief makes them want to not be in the same place - and that's understandable.

Someone feeling they can't be in the same room/restaurant as a breastfeeding mother and baby may have experienced something very damaging in the past, and their grief and pain is causing them to feel revulsion....so my feelings for them are sadness, really.

I agree, I have no problem with someone leaving the room if they have a problem with seeing breastfeeding. It's the ones who think that breastfeeding mothers should be thrown out or made to cover up that I have a distinct problem with.

Yes it was really sad tiktok and she did recognise it as her issue.

But I was still very shocked by the comment - that someone would rather leave mid meal than simply look away, swap chairs, or ignore the person BF'ing in the room.

BeCool, I think the poster's extreme revulsion reflects the fact that for many people, just knowing someone is feeding a baby is related to deeper, possibly unconscious feelings, that they dress up as 'offence' at someone's bad manners or lack of 'consideration'.

I mean, logically, there is literally nothing offensive about feeding a baby, using breasts or bottles, or spoon and bowl.

So of course it's to do with deeply unhealthy attitudes to women's bodies, women's behaviour, women's actual freedom to be out-and-about with little ones, attitudes to body fluids (see how often pissing and shitting are brought into the argument, as something you wouldn't do in public).....and many people, rather than admit "I am seriously fucked-up in the head here, and possibly misogynist, too' which is a hard thing for people to confront, they decide the woman is to 'blame' for it all, for flaunting or exhibiting herself, or whatever ridiculous thing is said, and she should stay home/cover up/use a bottle/go to the toilets.

It's all mad.

The most shocking comment for me on this thread was the poster up thread who is Mum and who BF, but stated she would leave a restaurant or cafe if she saw anyone BF!!!

That was me and I'm not going to apologise for saying it. I loathed breastfeeding. It made me physically ill (the rush of hormones made me feel sick ) and made me profoundly depressed.

I don't want to be reminded of that awful period and I don't go all gushy over breeders.

I simply said I would quietly leave. How dare you tell me I am wrong to feel that way. It's a personal view which I would keep to myself.

"How dare you tell me I am wrong to feel that way"

What she said is that she was shocked - as am I. Also, why use the word "breeders"?

You really are smug and patronising BeCool I don't want nor need your pity.

The first 3 months' with my son were ruined by a poisonous witch from the NCT and a health visitor who was less use than my cat both banging on about "breast is best" and both ignoring how depressed it was making me.

But apparently just quietly leaving isn't good enough for you- I'm to be pitied and mocked too. Should I give bfeeders a round of applause since they are obviously so much finer human beings than me.

"breeders" is phone changing "bfeeders"

I'm shocked at the comments made against me as I don't fit in with the approved view.

No one has made any comments against you, Phaedra.

Calm down a bit, why doncha? :)

Really tiktok? There are several very patronising comments.

I am on the fence here. When I was young I felt embarrassed by breastfeeding, and thinking about ds (16), I think he'd be pretty mortified by "indiscreet" bfeeding.

Now having done extended bfeeding myself, I wouldn't bat an eyelid, BUT I must admit some people do rather raise one's hackles. There was a woman in a National Trust cafe who plopped two (mahoosive) boobs actually on the table and left them there whilst she arranged baby. Now I thought that was unnecessary and somewhat weird.

Also I don't like people who look around in a beatific way when bfeeding, trying to catch your eye. They are very much in the "performance parenting" brigade who think you must be admiring them. I feel it is very insensitive: some people can't bfeed, or are infertile, and don't want to be forced to smile appreciatively back. We don't all congratulate someone on sitting there eating a plate of egg and chips, so a baby feeding should be equally a matter of no consequence to anyone else.

Phaedra I don't think anyone is trying to personally attack you. You said it yourself that you understand where your issues around breastfeeding stem from and you would leave rather than expecting the breastfeeding mother to stop.

Did you feel this way before?

I think there is a vast difference between being unwilling or unable to breastfeed and feeling revulsion towards breastfeeding. I will never be able to understand the latter.

PhaedraIsMyName presumably you wouldn't look at the images of breastfeeding on Buzzfeed www.buzzfeed.com/southerndisposition/25-historical-images-that-normalize-breastfeeding-jlw6 which shows how totally accepted and normal breastfeeding used to be. I wish that attitude would return.

Phaedra you are over-thinking this. The only people who have made comments related to your post are me and BeCool. I was supportive of you recognising your problem as your own, and BeCool was 'shocked' but not in a critical or patronising way, and she agreed with me when I ventured to suggest we should not judge, because people may have very powerful reasons for feeling breastfeeding is repugnant....at least you, as you explained, don't blame breastfeeding mothers for these feelings.

Sorry - nothing mocking about any of that. It's only 'patronising' if you think people prepared to avoid judging you, and instead acknowledging the depth of your feelings, is 'patronising'.

As far as I understand it, the woman in question put the pictures on Twitter. The national press picked I up from there. I also don't think there's anything to judge about her doing this if she was particularly disgruntled.

Claridges serves the public, and so if their service falls below what people expect then I think it's reasonable to publicise this. Particularly if they are doing something that may well be in contravention of the Equalities Act.

She didn't go to the national press, she Tweeted about it.

Yep - the media came to her, not the other way round. All the photos are actually hers, taken on her camera phone at the time by one of her companions at the tea table. I don't think she has had any further photographs taken - not that I have seen.

The persistent sub-text that she is no more than an attention-seeker and should have just said and done nothing about her disgraceful treatment is unjustified.

So she can't complain because it's expensive? Yes, the majority of people wouldn't want to spend £75 on an afternoon tea, but if they had I am quite sure they wouldn't expect to be discriminated against.

She may well have sent such a letter as well as complaining on the day. I don't see what's wrong with publicising it on Twitter as a reaction to what happened.

Is that some kind of a reverse snobbery, that you should not complain if you have paid a lot of money? If I paid £75 for afternoon tea, I would certainly want to enjoy it, and not have it under a napkin or separate breastfeeding room.