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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Claridges Breastfeeding Policy

638 replies

ifgrandmahadawilly · 02/12/2014 20:31

Aibu in posting this here, in the hopes that the people of mumsnet let Claridges know how unreasonable they are being?

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11267989/Mother-forced-to-cover-up-with-large-napkin-while-breastfeeding-at-Claridges.html

OP posts:
weaselish · 03/12/2014 15:31

I don't think Claridges get it at all. I just emailed their General Manager to express my concerns about their policy and just got this reply, which still harps on about "being discreet and respectful towards fellow diners".
Ridiculous.

Dear xxx,

Thank you for your e-mail. We can understand why you have formed these views given what you have read in the newspapers or saw on the television.

We are saddened that this entire conversation is happening and want to assure you that breast-feeding is embraced at Claridge’s but we do ask our guests to be discreet and respectful towards fellow diners.

Yours sincerely,

Thomas

bigbluestars · 03/12/2014 15:32

"My mother said she basically planned her outings around feeds and if we happened to be caught short, we'd have a bottle of formula"

Breastfeeding knowledge has increased a lot since then. We now know for a breastfeeding relationship to succeed the best advice is to breastfeed on demand, both for a mother's health and continuing good supply.
Timing of feeds can be the death nell of a breastfeeding realtionship- as can using formula.

Many babies feed sporadically, timing is impossible for many.
Some days babies may feed more ( like adults) they may feed because the need comford or are simply cold.

Thankfully your prejudices are not supported by law solidussnake.

Which leaves us happily to have it all "hang out" as you so perjoratively describe.

Worcestercat · 03/12/2014 15:33

I think Claridges have disgraced themselves.

Firstly, the mother couldn't have even been more discreet.

And secondly, even if she wasn't, 'whoever' couldn't have stopped gawping should have clearly gone to afternoon tea with someone far more interesting!

I am shocked that in 2014 people still apparently 'complain' about breastfeeding. I say to those people: Go get a life and mind your own business!

ThereisnoFinWay · 03/12/2014 15:34

My father is 80 and wouldn't be at all embarrassed to see a woman breastfeed, in fact he has done regularly as I bfed both mine. He also managed to quite happily watch my mother breastfeed my brother and me 40+ years ago. He was weaned from bf and put on Carnation because he wasn't putting on enough weight apparently, but that is a whole other bf discussion. Also generally the positive comments I have had out and about when feeding have come from the older end of the spectrum. That argument is ridiculous, and ageist. Ill add that agenda to your shelf Leedy Wink

I never understand the anti bf in public comments as most of the time you just look like you are holding a baby, there really is very minimal boob flashing going on. I bfed ds 1 at the top table at a wedding during the meal, the guy I was sitting next to just thought he was asleep. I have never experienced stares or anything, a few comments on what a lovely sight it is to see, but mostly either people don't notice or they don't care.

pommedeterre · 03/12/2014 15:35

solid - an aibu on bf on mn isn't the best audience for that. To be fair defending a woman's right to bf has nothing to do with formula whatever you think of formula.

ThereisnoFinWay · 03/12/2014 15:38

"I prefer formula, you can't eat certain foods or even so much as a glass of wine while breastfeeding"

er yes you can!

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 03/12/2014 15:39

I find some of the views here totally selfish and inconsiderate to (mainly) older people who don't want to watch breast feeding where no effort is made to be discreet.

personal preference is not taken into account when a woman is feeding her baby, its the law.

the person offended must divert their own eyes.

PterodactylTeaParty · 03/12/2014 15:41

I prefer formula, you can't eat certain foods or even so much as a glass of wine while breastfeeding.

Not true, actually. A glass of wine and all variety of foods are fine while breastfeeding.

Also, planning outings 'around feeds' and using formula if the baby got hungry anyway just isn't workable for lots of women. My baby fed around hourly for the first three months of her life, and sometimes needed feeds more often when she was going through a growth spurt or needed some comfort. If I didn't feed her that often, I ended up with engorged and painful breasts and blocked ducts. So if I'd avoided ever feeding her in public, I'd have been effectively confined to my house or the area within 5 minutes' walking distance around it for three months. Not very 'considerate' to expect women to go through that just because they have a breastfeeding infant.

EmilyGilmore · 03/12/2014 15:41

I have a G&T most nights and happily share a bottle of wine and I'm breastfeeding. I also eat what I want.

ThereisnoFinWay · 03/12/2014 15:42

Solid so was I supposed to stay in for the first 8 months of my DS2's life then as he refused all bottles / cups etc? Aside from the fact that I don't actually want to give my dcs formula. Not anti formula, but why should I pay to feed a baby when I can feed it for free?

CruCru · 03/12/2014 15:48

Ha ha, have you seen some of the comments on the Times article published on this?

pinkfrocks · 03/12/2014 15:50

What I find really sad about many posts here is that so few women have any concern at all for those people who do not feel comfortable watching someone breastfeed in public.

'Rights' have become a panacea for thoughtless behaviour by some- not just feeding a baby but so many other things where people's sensibilities are not considered.

If you cannot and will not accept that breasts have 2 functions - sexual and feeding a child ( just like penises have 2 functions- peeing and procreating) then you are being rather silly and not taking into account that any number of people may feel a little uncomfortable seeing exposed breasts.

And although many women do feed discreetly, I have seen many who do not.

leedy · 03/12/2014 15:54

"you can't eat certain foods or even so much as a glass of wine while breastfeeding"

As various people have pointed out upthread, this is not at all true (unless you have a child with allergies to something that could be passed through your milk, but that's rare enough). Personally I would not have been breastfeeding for the last five years or so if I couldn't have the odd glass of wine. Or three. Hic.

PterodactylTeaParty · 03/12/2014 15:58

so few women have any concern at all for those people who do not feel comfortable watching someone breastfeed in public.

Like people who do not feel comfortable seeing gay couples holding hands, or people who do not feel comfortable seeing disabled people out living their lives, or vegetarians who do not feel comfortable seeing people eating meat, they are free to look the other way.

RightyTightyLeftyLoosey · 03/12/2014 15:58

Pinkfrocks I will re post what I posted earlier, just for you

Yes breasts are also sexual, but it's only adults who see sex in breasts.

If you are adult enough to think sexy thoughts you are adult enough to look away and deal with it.

I literally can not get my head around grown adults who can't separate sex and feeding babies.

We live in a world where "sexualised" breasts are on every fucking poster, tabloid and magazine, but using them for the thing nature intended is "disgusting".

HTH

pinkfrocks · 03/12/2014 16:00

All your post has done is confirm how little concern you have for anyone but you.

bigbluestars · 03/12/2014 16:00

It is the balance between public sensitivities and the babies needs.

Any idiot can see that a baby's needs must trump the thoughts of those members of the public who may find discomfort.

Of course breasts have two funcious, but so too do many part of our bodies- our hands, our mouths can also be used for sexual activity.

Is that a problem for you too?

My grandfather was a racist bigot and found great discomfort in being on a bus or cafe if black people were there.
Should his feelings trump those of a black person's right to be there?

Some women may not breastfeed discreetly- for whatever reason, it's not for us to judge.

Should we have levels of discretion? Facing a wall, a nursing tent etc. If a nipple is not OK then is part of the areola fine? If some breast flesh is allowed then how many square cm? Maybe a chart on the wall could help.

We can't apply this nonsense of "discreet" breastfeeding. Far too subjective.
Sometime breastfeeding is not "discreet".

If you have a problem with that then get a shawl to cover your head when you are out and about.

Or even better stay at home.

ThereisnoFinWay · 03/12/2014 16:01

"What I find really sad about many posts here is that so few women have any concern at all for those people who do not feel comfortable watching someone breastfeed in public."

No you are right I have no concern for those people, it's their issue not mine. If you don't feel comfortable watching don't watch, it's not that hard. I honestly think people who object to feeding in public are seeking it out because ime you don't actually notice it very often at all.

leedy · 03/12/2014 16:01

I feel about the same about not wanting to offend the sensibilities of people who don't want to see me breastfeeding as I would to homophobes not wanting to see a gay couple. They can be offended if they want but I'm not going to label my perfectly normal and inoffensive-to-most-people behaviour as "thoughtless" and "inconsiderate" just because they don't happen to like it.

"Just like penises have 2 functions- peeing and procreating"

Well isn't that exactly the point? Do women and gay men throughout the land go EWWWW I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOU WITH THAT THING, THAT IS JUST FOR PEEING, or do men in the public loos think having a piss in the urinal is the same as publicly wanking into it? Or do people not want to see people eating because MOUTHS CAN DO BLOWJOBS!!!!!! You're suggesting that because breasts CAN have a sexual function that they can't be seen outside that context, or that that context trumps all others.

Gruntfuttock · 03/12/2014 16:02

pinkfrocks I asked before, why do you keep referring to "watching" breastfeeding? It's not a performance. If I were vegetarian and caught sight of someone eating a rare steak, for example, I wouldn't "watch" them.

BeCool · 03/12/2014 16:02

What I find really sad about many posts here is that so few women have any concern at all for those people who do not feel comfortable watching someone breastfeed in public.

it's really simple - DON'T WATCH people breastfeeding!!

Sad really pinkfrocks? are you really sad for them? Sad

Who are all these people watching people BF in restaurants & cafes and being offended? Are they the same people being offended by seeing a couple kissing too? really if they are that easily offended and shocked, they should just stay at home

FreckledLeopard · 03/12/2014 16:02

I've been shuddering at the inane comments in the Mail and Guardian and hoped to come here for some sensible remarks and then come across the drivel spouted by pinkfrocks et al.

I despair, honestly. Breasts are there to feed young. We are mammals. End of. The fact that society deems them sexual objects is neither here nor there. Their primary purpose is to feed infants. Breastfeeding cannot be likened to urination, defecation - it is feeding.

It used to be that women wearing trousers were frowned upon. That gays were beaten up. That women were told to be discreet and feminine and not to give their opinions for fear of offending someone. Things change. Get over it. If you don't like seeing someone breastfeeding then don't look. Accept, though, that it's your problem and not theirs.

BeCool · 03/12/2014 16:03

I now think pinkfrocks is just shit stirring for the sake of it.

BeCool · 03/12/2014 16:06

"What I find really sad about many posts here is that so few women have any concern at all for those people who do not feel comfortable watching someone breastfeed in public."

I agree. I have absolutely no concern whatsoever for people offended by watching mothers BF.

Though when you say "women" do you not mean people? Shouldn't men also be unconcerned about people being uncomfortable watching their babies feed?

ThereisnoFinWay · 03/12/2014 16:07

In a way I hope so becool as otherwise (in their words) I find it sad.