I probably am BU, but would this bother anyone else?

[FedRightUpWithWork]

DD goes to a girls only grammar (yr7) there is to be a Christmas disco with the boys grammar years 7 & 8 only. On reading the letter which was sent home it states 'to ensure the enjoyment and safety of the students, we are asking for your support and co-operation. Girls should be modestly dressed. Students arriving unsuitably dressed will be [...] sent home to change.'

This makes me really uncomfortable, and I can't quite verbalise why, I think it's the implication that the way girls dress can cause the boys to misbehave? That at the age of 11 they are being held responsible for how others may act? And who decides what is 'modest'? My DD loves wearing shorts and tights, but they are short so would they be unsuitable, despite no flesh on display? I'm really not explaining myself well, but would it bother anyone else?

I wouldn't mind the modestly dressed part, but the implications for safety are a bit offensive.

Granny - I get that high heels are dangerous and I would be totally in agreement with a school stating that no one should have heels above a certain height as I think young people in particular struggle on heels.

However, wrt the clothes you say "I don't think it looks appropriate," which is the idea I want to unpick - why doesn't it look appropriate? What exactly is wrong with it?

When we have a school dance, we include a note in the letter that students should dress 'appropriately, in line with school uniform guidelines'. It goes out to all students. For one thing, our new school gym has a particular type of floor that can be damaged by heels (even staff are not permitted to wear heels if they are in the gym). We've turned quite a few away at the door, including boys, usually for wearing inappropriate slogans on their t-shirts (where do people get kid sized shirts with those sort of slogans on them????).

Okay I work in a school and on musty days girls often turn up dressed inappropriately and get sent home. It's not because we think the boys might rape them... They are, as I said, dressed inappropriately. year 7 and 8 girls will be at a school event. School is pointing out to parents that they don't want them dressed like sluts, as my dad would have put it when I was that age. It's more about reputation of the school I imagine and the fact some parents need telling.

Wow that's nice of your dad mother, to say young girls looked like sluts.

It is tricky when you think hard about it.

I suppose as a fully grown woman I can judge that some clothes are designed to enhance my figure and make me more noticeable, if this is the effect I am going for. Again, I am not saying that such an outfit would be an invitation, but perhaps a signal, in the same way that all our clothes are signals in some way.

Perhaps clothes like this should not be marketed at younger people, many of whom will naturally be interested in pairing off. Doesn't mean that they need to be enhancing their physical attributes in an adult way though.

Don't feel I have made my point very well!

They are entitled to dress however they like.

A short skirt doesn't make them a slut.

It is clothing that has been designed for a woman's body not a childs. Well that is how it looks to me, why would a child be wearing a plunging neckline, a woman might want to show her cleveage but an 11 year old?

My daugher was a bit of a tomboy so always suffered at the hands of the "popular girls" as there was pressure to dress in this way. Maybe it would bother me less if the girls who want to dress like this and the parents who allow it don't seek to make girls who don't want to be grown up at 11 feel bad about themselves.

I guess as someone else said maybe single sex grammar school is more conservative about this so if you want that education you have to put up with what goes with it.

I still think the letter was just badly worded.

And yes people are entitled to wear what they like except if there is a dress code you need to follow it or you can't join in.

I would agree with everything GrannyTomine says. I read OP first and thought "good on the school" ... But then I have waited outside young teenage discos over the last few years, waiting for ours to appear, and witnessed 12 or 13 year Olds with low cut cropped tops with skirts / shorts showing bum cheeks walking in the pouring rain while carrying ludicrously high shoes, our hobbling still in the shoes trying to remain upright.
Boys tend to be wearing Tee shirts with a shirt over, maybe even a jumper, jeans and shoes/trainers!

Modestly dressed (for their age) I agree with.
To keep them safe (from falling over) I a agree with.

From my experience, I didn't read anything about boys attacking them because of what they wear!!

Agree that there is, and has been for a long time, pressure on young girls to copy their older peers.

I doubt that you would find those tight Geordie Shore boy band type shirts that emphasise pecs and biceps in age 10-11 boys sizes.

SilverViking, I was surprised that so many people read it as the boys weren't to be trusted. Not many boys that age are very interested in girls, as I said mine, and my grandsons now, were much more interested in footballs than girls. Two or three years later the picture had started to change.

I think it is clumsily worded but would read it to say dress an 11 year old age appropriately, i.e not as an eleven year old trying to look 18.

My DD's junior school normally says no strappy skimpy tops, mini skirts or high heels. At age 7-11 at a school disco, that's fair enough for me.

I happen to think there are mountain out of a molehill responses on here OP. I think it would be fine to raise the clumsy wording point with the writer, but some of the reactions on here insinuating the letter is hinting at sexual safety are more outrageous than the letter IMHO. It is sad that the school even has to raise it; the thought of 11 years olds dressed in a sexualised way is far more shocking than the letter.

The term modestly dressed hasn't sat right with me since the poor woman got stripped by a group of men for wearing a mini skirt, she wasn't 'modestly dressed' enough for them.

I'm seeing this from a staff PoV: I don't want to see little girls' underwear/bodies, thank you very much. It really is uncomfortable when pupils wear backless tops/see-through leggings, etc etc. I'm female, I'm not particularly physically attracted to other females, especially not children, however, I have no desire to see their bodies, thank you. To be honest, I'm fairly sure most 11yo boys have no desire to see inside girls' tops in a public place, and would feel uncomfortable too.

And the safety thing- we had a 6th former twist her ankle very badly last year, wearing platform type shoes- I'm sure the safety thing is about footwear, more than anything.

GraysAnalogy, I guess we all have baggage that affects how we see things. I worked on a case once where a prostitute was raped, some people didn't seem to think she had a right to say no. Fortunately the guys concerned were caught and convicted.

So right grannie, I have sat there knowing that a lot of young girls were in danger of being hurt before they go home ... Sure to the shoes they were wearing, put not able to wear walking along the car park with stones and I'm sure possibly broken glass.

The boys... They skip along playing football with stones ..... Ignoring the girls!

One very funny story ... I overheard 2 boys talking. "did you hear John went with Anna tonight.... And Andy was to go with Rachel from your class, but he ran away!!"
(names changed to protect the guilty )

They really thought that granny Oh it makes me so sad and angry. I'm glad they were convicted.

SilverViking, that made me smile. Poor Andy.

GraysAnalogy, people have funny ideas and yes we were all happy about the conviction too.

I have a copy of the letter to the boys. It says 'no pink vests or hotpants'

My year 7 daughter looked like "pocket cheap crack addicted prostitute". No slur to cheap adult sized crack addicted prostitutes intended,

Badly, over the top, applied with a trowel makeup, inappropriate clothing (in my opinion) ......

It's a journey for young Women and I let her do her own thing and gave her free rein, and find her own level like water. I kept my counsel, even though my lips were tight and puckered to the point that it did indeed look like a cat's bum.

Have they sent a letter to year 7 boys asking that they perhaps hit the shower more than once a week or perhaps change their grundie undies more than once a fortnight?
I think not.
Modest/appropriate clothes for girls to ensure the enjoyment and safety.

No year 7 girl that I ever knew was in danger because they dressed inappropriately for a school disco.
The only danger that should exist is that their Mum takes a 'photo and uses it against her for blackmail educational purposes later .
The potential danger (as they envisage it) comes from rape.

That's inappropriate/immodest behaviour by the boys; and perhaps all there missiles and letters ought to be directed in that direction; as well as all their fuckwit attempts at education

Someone asked if I think wearing short skirts contributes to eating disorders. I'm not an expert but I have seen girls putting their hands around their thighs to see if their fingers meet.

Another issue which arises when girls dress in tiny clothes and push-up bras (which they DO in year 7 believe me) is they then take selfies and stick then on social media looking like webcam girls. Maybe you all send your daughters out looking decent but I know it makes me and the other teachers at school sad and worried for these girls who so desperately want to look like 18 year old hookers. We've just never had the balls to send a letter home.

Someone asked if I think wearing short skirts contributes to eating disorders. I'm not an expert but I have seen girls putting their hands around their thighs to see if their fingers meet.

This.
If they have v short skirts, it shows off their thigh gap, should one be present. Not healthy in most cases.

The potential danger (as they envisage it) comes from rape.

That is an unbelievable comment. If the school truly envisaged that danger, they wouldn't even run the events.