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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's odd to give other people's children advent calendar?

156 replies

Vijac · 30/11/2014 18:22

I know this is a first world problem. My 3yo (just 3) has received advent calendars from both the neighbours and my mil. I have already got one too. Whilst obviously these are kind gifts, aibu to think that it's a bit of a strange gift. I don't really want my son to have multiple pieces of chocolate every day for the whole of December. But what am I meant to do with the calendars?!

OP posts:
Charitybelle · 01/12/2014 09:02

Some posters on here have really got their knickers in a twist over what started as quite a tame thread. OP just asked if it was a bit 'odd' and people have gone on to accuse her of being offended and precious and having a massive problem with people being kind to her kids! Talk about overreaction.
I get my dd an advent calendar every year. This year a close family friend also bought her one, probably because I have just had a baby and they thought maybe I wouldn't have had time to buy one myself. I thought it was very kind, but a complete waste of the friends money as I'm not going to give my dd two advent calendars (not because of the choc, just because it would be odd to open more than one window every day).

So in response to the original OP, I don't think it's odd, it's a kind thought. But....unless the giver checks with the parents first, they should be willing to accept that it may well be a waste of their money. As long as the family receiving the calendar is gracious and the giver is equally gracious if they realise it's been given away or all the spare choc eaten by the parents in front of x-factor then there shouldn't really be a problem?

UsedtobeFeckless · 01/12/2014 09:43

It's like a different world on here sometimes ...

Got spares? Food bank ... Simples.

... And it's not odd, it's kind. Slightly sore subject as DP's Nan, who always bought my two their calendars, isn't around this year and I had to do it myself with a bit of a tear in Sainsbury's.

MauriceTheCat · 01/12/2014 09:53

The Maurice Kittens have three, a Lego one from MIL, a chocolate one from favourite aunt and the house from us... we have a chocolate one each from MIL

DH and I also buy them for everyone in our offices... didn't think to check with their parents first...

ToffeeCaramel · 01/12/2014 10:04

I think when grandparents buy advent calendars they must be thinking that the parents won't have thought of this themselves, which is slightly odd, unless they buy it really early before the mum would have had a chance to buy one.

ShatnersBassoon · 01/12/2014 10:18

I don't think it's odd at all.

Traditional advent calendars usually come with an envelope for posting, so presumably they're intended to be bought and sent to children other than your own.

iklboo · 01/12/2014 10:23

One year DS had one from us, FIL, MIL, my folks & each of DH's 3 brothers.

Now he has one from MIL, one from my folks at their house (bulk opening each Saturday) and we get him the Lego one.

UsedtobeFeckless · 01/12/2014 10:39

@Toffee But bang on in my case as my folks thought they were a total waste of money and we never had them when we were kids ( Ditto Easter eggs ) so they simply weren't on my radar as a thing to buy! Good old Nan ... Smile

MissBattleaxe · 01/12/2014 10:42

Toffee- I really don't think grandparents are making that assumption.

When grandparents were little, these things weren't around. I think that grandparents think chocolate ones are brilliant and they just want to get one for the little people in their lives that they are hopelessly devoted to. I don't see a crime at this alleged crime scene.

ApocalypseThen · 01/12/2014 11:23

I only wondered what other people thought of it as a gift choice, I know they mean well.

But why does everything have to be micromanaged to the degree that a what most would consider a fairly innocuous and inexpensive seasonal gesture has to be labelled odd and stepping into the parent's sacred role? People who might see something and think of your kids will tire of doing so if it's always a cause for judgement. I don't think that's an overly harsh interpretation of reality.

Fallingovercliffs · 01/12/2014 13:14

I agree with Apocalypse. It's the use of words like 'odd', or the implication that people are treading on parents' toes by doing one of their jobs that is irritating on threads like these. Yes, it doesn't make much sense for kids to have more than one Advent calendar and it's logical to either buy it early before the parents' do, or to check with the parents that they haven't already got one. But it's all the analysis that makes some people sound a bit precious about the whole thing.

kelda · 01/12/2014 13:14

A very kind mumsnetter brought my child an advent calender each this weekend - especially thoughtful because they are not easily available here - she was worried when she saw this thread and thought that I might have been offended!

It's a very nice gesture.

kali110 · 01/12/2014 13:50

Whats wrong with opening a few doors each morning?still exciting!bonus, extra chocolate.

GraysAnalogy · 01/12/2014 14:04

Past comments excluded, i would have been rather happy had I had been given 3 x Yankee Candle Calendar instead of just the one Blush

MissBattleaxe · 01/12/2014 20:35

Apocalypse then- Totally agree. What's with all the invisible rules? poor grandparents trying to do nice things and getting shot down in flames.

dazzler22 · 01/12/2014 20:49

I don't believe in giving children chocolate weekly let alone daily and our primary school has decided to give the children a chocolate advent calendar each to open at school. It would be cruel for me to stop my child having his but I don't agree with it. Teachers are supposed to be the ducat ors, donut they know sweets and chocolate are not good for you. Parents should be the only ones to give their children sweets and chocolate, it is their decision only. We have an obesity crisis in the country and every day the school dinners have a sugary pudding, then every child in the class brings in sweets on their childs birthday, now they give out chocolate advent calendars, this has nothing to do with christmas and christianity.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/12/2014 21:09

dazzler

Whilst I totally agree with you re there being an obesity crisis...it is a tiny piece of chocolate. 7 pieces melted down probably wouldn't make an entire bar.

dazzler22 · 01/12/2014 21:22

It teaches children about eating chocolate each day, they don't see the quantity they see a month of eating chocolate and then have to break the habit.

ToffeeCaramel · 01/12/2014 21:28

I agree with Charitybelle that people are overreacting a bit here. Saying on an anonymous forum that you find something your mil or mum (whichever it was) a bit odd is hardly the same as shooting them down in flames. The op was probably perfectly polite on receiving the calendar. She hasn't said she shrieked at the giver and told her to stick the calendar up her jacksy! Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/12/2014 21:29

Kids have been coping with that for years now.

Advent calendars have been totally standard christmas fare for well over 20 years.

ThereIsACarInTheKitchen · 01/12/2014 21:31

I'm not sure it is odd. I know when I was a child I always got several advent calendars. My parents would get me one and other people would too. That seemed to be the norm for other people my age too.

I don't think it's worth getting annoyed about tbh. I would just donate the rest if I only wanted one.

dazzler22 · 01/12/2014 21:34

I don't think they have been coping, they are getting fatter and people think it is normal, the body does not need sugar, it is addictive (white mans cocaine) If you look around schools these days, the majority of the kids are overweight, the problem is so bad that they weigh the children and send letters home telling the parents which for some reason always shocks the parents and they get upset and shoot the messenger.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/12/2014 21:41

It isn't chocolate in advent calendars causing the obesity crisis.

Having all our foods pumped full of additives, poor education about nutrition and a general decline in people cooking at home coupled with the fast food culture is to blame.

The concept of moderation is rather lost on many.

But the majority of children are not overweight. Not where I live anyway. I say this objectively because I am merely pregnant and am not defending my slightly round 5 year old.

dazzler22 · 01/12/2014 21:48

I have a slim healthy six year old, the majority of his class are overweight and we live in quite an affluent area. My child has never had fast food, only drinks milk and water and eats fresh veg, fruit and meat, he dosent have school meals even though they are free because they are processed and full of sugar, as I said earlier the school then dishes out chocolate at every possible opportunity, i can give my child packed lunches but cannot refuse the chocolate and sweets without making my child feel left out, it should be my choice what my child eats and nobody else's. I hope the standards I set now will set my child up for the future. The reason we have lots of old folk now is because they were brought up during the war and all this rubbish was in short supply, the next generation will not be as lucky, even with medical advances we won't need to worry about an ageing population in the future.

elephantspoo · 01/12/2014 21:48

There are plenty of 'other peoples' children' who don't get advent calendars on account of mummy and daddy not working, not staying out of the pub, not keeping off drugs, whatever. Point is, there are thousands of children who wish they could have an advent calendar, and I don't think it's unreasonable to buy them one. So maybe in DS has three advent calendars, it'd help expand his world view instead of his waste line to give one or two of those calendars to those children in your neighbourhood who provide food parcels for those who are not as good as we are at dealing with life's troubles. Just my 2c.

Boomtownsurprise · 01/12/2014 21:50

Why is advent calendar the preserve of parents?

Frankly I was quite happy to not by them. An easy thing to give away!