Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really angry and a bit worried that my dad tried to feed shortbread

53 replies

Luxme · 30/11/2014 02:33

To my 6 week old daughter??

He put it to her lips and said 'go on then'. I said 'what on Earth are you doing?' ?He said 'just wiping a bit of sugar on her lips'. I tried not to go absolutely mental at him and said 'that's dangerous dad, promise me you won't do that again' he said (to my daughter) 'your mum likes sugar' I said 'yeah dad but I'm 35 not 6 weeks old'. He just ignored me and carried on jigging her and ate the biscuit. I reiterated to him that she's not designed to eat solids yet and he just kind of well, pretended not to hear me.

I felt like going mad at him. I didn't as so to not cause a scene. I'm annoyed because I just didn't think he'd be so stupid and secondly that he didn't seem to care.

OP posts:
cheesecakemom · 30/11/2014 02:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 02:39

It's the kind of pretending not to hear me I don't get and makes me mad. He suffers from depression so I do try and give him a break a bit.

And sugar?! She doesn't need sugar.

OP posts:
Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 02:42

I'm so worried what else he might do to her? Or that he'll try and do it again. Confused

He does have mental health issues.

OP posts:
YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 30/11/2014 02:49

Ugh. Why don't some people get that babies don't need cakes, biscuits and chocolate, ESPECIALLY ones that are not capable of eating solids? That is crazy. It doesn't matter if he has depression, speak out next time. Your baby daughter doesn't need to suffer.

AgentZigzag · 30/11/2014 02:49

YANBU, don't let him undermine you with your DD.

Well done at not blowing your top, but I would lay it on the line if he continues pretending he can't hear you/implying that he knows better/that your DD is his to do what he pleases with - the cheeky fuck.

I suspect he doesn't like you 'telling him what to do', but tough shit, next time say it firmer and louder, and don't stop until he acknowledges what you're saying.

If you let it go on the boundary blurring will just get worse.

Is this your first DC? If it is and you're finding it difficult to find your feet and confidence, just borrow a tiny bit of MN rage, keep your voice calm and low and tell him how it's going to be (sometimes easier said than done I know)

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 02:54

I'm very good at rage already and now have DC I sm trying to reign it in as I learned the rage from guess who- my dad. I don't want DD to learn that from me. Now instead of (very loudly) making my point as I would previously have done I'm up at 3am feeling quite anxious about it. What kind of moron tries to even rub sugar on a babies lips?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/11/2014 02:56

Does him having depression give him special dispensation to do whatever the fuck he likes?

I don't think it does.

And if you do have to say it again, it's not you creating anything, it's his responsibility for undermining you.

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 02:57

I can foresee him ignoring me with other wishes in the future (e.g: feeding her sweets and biscuits when I've said no etc). Does anyone have any suggestions on how I manage this without going absolutely ballistic at him- which is what I really wanted to do?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 03:00

Yes you are right. He says and does odd things a lot, a few months ago he said "I suppose you are going to be "mummy" are you?" In a really condescening way. I said "well I'm hardly going to be daddy am I?"

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 30/11/2014 03:09

I think it's nice when GC get little bits and bobs from their GPs that they don't normally get at home, like we had biscuits before breakfast at my GPs Shock Grin

But that is totally different to what your dad sounds to be doing, if only because he's not doing it to make your DD happy as she's only 6 weeks old, he's doing it as a power thing to make sure you know your place (massive reading between the lines of course as I don't know you or your dad!)

Maybe pick your battles with this one? Biscuits and sweets when she's old enough, and he's not giving her tons just to needle you, are neither here/there, but him not strapping her into the car properly would defo be one not to let go.

It's keeping it in perspective and not getting drawn into the power games.

Bottom line is that if you don't feel your DD is safe with him then you have to act, there is no other option.

FastWindow · 30/11/2014 03:14

Why would you want to avoid going ballistic. I'd go nuclear. Six weeks... Even water isn't even a thing right now!

Biscuits? I'll give you biscuits

FastWindow · 30/11/2014 03:24

Ah, poor grammar / diction due to righteous anger on your behalf.

Is this your first? Does he generally look down on you.. And given you have said you are 35, my goodness. You know, that your priority is not to avoid offending your bonkers dad. Rather, avoid At all costs harm to your tiny baby.

Don't be precious.. . But equally trust your own judgment. I've offended my own df... By saying that two is a little to young to try champagne. Even if it is your fecking seventieth. Grr.

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 03:24

Because I went ballistic a few weeks ago and it wasn't pleasant for anyone.

I kicked my brother out of my house as he ignored my request not to smell of cigarettes (makes me feel very sick and DD was 5 days old, didn't want stale smoke wafting around her) and not to smoke in our garden (it's very very small and the little old lady who lives next door to us spends hours pottering in her garden would have got a face full). My brother smirked and ignored me, I went nuts and told him to leave my house, which he refused to do. Ended up with me screaming at the top of my voice at him.
Plus I don't want to alienate my mum who has been v v helpful with my DD!
My dads family are all the same. You ask them not to do something and they just do it. I go crazy and then they have a go at you for 'reacting'.

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 30/11/2014 03:26

If he ever does anything like this again then just take your baby back and say that if you can't trust him with simple things like that then you're sorry but you can't leave the baby with him.

Him ignoring you afterwards is possibly down to embarrassment. I know my mother will go into a proper sulk if I call her on something that she doesn't agree with and then carry on about it because she hasn't answered me. She hasn't answered me because she is embarrassed and hates the fact that I might know mores about a subject than she does and I'm suddenly the grownup.

The depression shouldn't factor into it unless he is responding in such a way that you want to give him a confidence boost.

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 03:28

It is my first!!! I think next time he does something similar I will have to be a bit more '

2 year old and champagne.....that's ridiculous!

OP posts:
Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 03:28

A bit more vocal!

My dad is very insecure!

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 30/11/2014 03:29

Ooh, crossed post!

Not embarrassment, it's a power thing!

Take control, take control now. Do not over your baby until you've given him 'the talk'. You know, the one where you let him know exactly who's boss and that you hold all the cards.

ColdCottage · 30/11/2014 03:32

My dad did a similar thing. Think he just had a funny 5 minutes. Hasn't done it since.

FastWindow · 30/11/2014 03:32

Okaayy... It's always a bit ott when you have a tiny weeny. But.

Are you always so... shouty? Is it a family triggered thing?

Smoking in fresh air.. Probably fine.. Lots of air vs. smoke. Wont reach ndn. But the screaming will. Bet your little old lady would have been fine with the smoke rather than the screaming.

That said, stale smoke smell is rank. Ban your db unless he can turn up smelling fresh.

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 03:33

Mrs Wembley - I think you are right, he's embarassed. Think next time I will take the baby from him s d say just that. Or I could say 'did you hear me? Can you give me the decency of a response please?'.
I'm trying so hard to understand what was going through his mind, did he genuinely think she was capable of eating it? I'm going to pour wine in his dog's bowl next time I'm there as that's akin to it!!!

OP posts:
FastWindow · 30/11/2014 03:36

Yeh. I had to explain to a grown adult exactly why alcohol and two year old don't mix.

Generation gap :/

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 03:39

Fastwidow- I know, I know it was my hormones then I think. I had mastitus and was edgy. DB is banned until he can not smoke and he can respect mine and DH's house rules (to be fair this is the only rule).

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 30/11/2014 03:39

Tbh, Fast, I get a bit shouty if I'm ignored and just get a smirk when I've requested something several times. Wink

Anyway, small child back in bed and dreaming. Sleep now.

Original poster
Luxme · 30/11/2014 03:40

Your 2 year old wouldn't have drunk it anyway ?? it's disgusting to children isn't it?!

OP posts:
FastWindow · 30/11/2014 03:57

Children will try anything. Especially if it's their favourite grandad going ah, have this.

I did have a word.

I do a lovely line in shouty mum. Wish I didn't. But I don't do it in my back garden because... I have elderly ndn and they do not need to hear the ranty stuff. Not their fault my ds can be so flippin infuriating Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread