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Original poster

Starting new job, please help me not fuck up - advice?

128 replies

TryingAgain14 · 29/11/2014 15:00

What are your top tips for being a good, organised employee?

I am scared. I am going back to the workplace after losing my last job, being diagnosed with depression, and a few other difficult things. The job is something I have mixed feelings about, in one way I'm interested in the company and in another I'm so scared of 5 days a week every week that I want to back out of taking it. But I can't do that, or I will not have January's rent. It's that simple. Plus I think if I can only find a way of being calm, I could actually really enjoy this job once I get used to it. And if I don't, I can always move on.

Basically, I want to try my best to take the opportunity but I feel stuck. Any advice would be great on work ethic, on how to keep going when you feel really shit, on how to feel less tired etc. Time saving advice for not being exhausted in the mornings rushing round etc?

It sounds daft, but nobody else in my family has ever worked so I feel completely on the back foot when it comes to career stuff.

OP posts:
Icimoi · 01/12/2014 08:47

No, you haven't burnt your bridges. Tell them it was a momentary panic, get in there and show yourself that you are perfectly capable of doing the job.

Original poster
TryingAgain14 · 01/12/2014 08:51

They are high powered, super intimidating men. I cannot ask to go back. I gave a full detailed email explaining why I cant take it.

OP posts:
whereisvioleta · 01/12/2014 08:54

Depression and anxiety can be paralysing sometimes. That's extremely hard to cope with, as you seem to be experiencing now. If you can, though, try and feel the groundswell of support which is coming your way from here and try and take a few steps with our help - in the knowledge that this job is something which you want and need to do.

Beachy had a great suggestion about a follow up email. You could explain that you felt overwhelmed with nerves earlier but recognise now that you were a bit hasty, and are on your way in, delayed due to the tube, and looking forward to making a positive start. You could also say that you realise your email might have come as a bit of a surprise to them, but you want to be honest with them and re-start today with an open approach.

I realise I'm putting words into your mouth, so apologies for that, but hope some of it might help.

You CAN do this!

whereisvioleta · 01/12/2014 08:55

x-post, but I'm sure there is still a way to turn today around if you feel able x

InfinitySeven · 01/12/2014 08:55

If you were me, I'd make myself either go to work or go and apologise in person.

You have to get over this hurdle. It sucks. Honestly, I get that. I wouldn't wish crushing anxiety on anyone. But you have to push yourself over the hill, even if you really don't want too.

So either go and apologise, or go and start. They will probably let you go home anyway, but you'll be one step closer to going in again and feeling at home.

Nothing will help your anxiety more than overcoming this.

Stop thinking about them, and do it for you. You need this. Don't let it slip away.

ilovesooty · 01/12/2014 08:58

I can appreciate that you feel intimidated right now but I would try to make it in if you can.
I've gone back into the workplace after severe mental illness and it was so hard, but you will feel better if you face it. Honestly.

neighbourhoodwitch · 01/12/2014 09:08

It sounds like you are totally crippled by this and I am sorry. What can we do to help? x

Original poster
TryingAgain14 · 01/12/2014 09:13

I have spoken to my local crisis team, will hopefully be going into a crisis house for the suicidal tonight.

Thank you for such heartfelt kindness. I know it must seem like I ignored it all. But I am really not very well, I think.

OP posts:
Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 01/12/2014 09:21

Trying that is the right way forward, you need professional support and help at this point, you are really trying again, but do need that support. Good luck with it all- there was a great link upthread about a support line for people with mental health problems in the workplace, and when you are ready and in a better place, you could use this to help you back into work.

Please keep reaching out to the crisis team, they will help you.

ArsenicSoup · 01/12/2014 09:21

Well that's a plan. I'm sorry you feel so unsteady. What will you do in the meanwhile?

Original poster
TryingAgain14 · 01/12/2014 09:24

Have drunk some vodka to try to calm down. Will make some tea also.

Thank you again.

OP posts:
beachyhead · 01/12/2014 09:27

I would focus on the tea at this stage. Can you take a walk? Fresh air will help.

whereisvioleta · 01/12/2014 09:30

Really good that you have been in touch with the crisis team, I hope they will give you the support you need, take care of yourself.

ArsenicSoup · 01/12/2014 09:32

Got any hot chocolate or just eating chocolate to go with the tea?

The problem with vodka is it will rebound on you.

Original poster
TryingAgain14 · 01/12/2014 09:46

there is no space at the crisis house Sad Waiting to see if theres room in a neighbouring one. But the nurse was awful on the phone. Cant stop crying. Why arent I normal.

OP posts:
ArsenicSoup · 01/12/2014 09:52

You're doing brillaintly. You've recognised what's wrong and you are seeking appropriate help so that you can be well again Flowers

ArsenicSoup · 01/12/2014 09:53

Ignore the nurse's manner. Might be an off day. But it doesn't matter.

You really are doing brilliantly well Smile

PurpleCrazyHorse · 01/12/2014 10:08

Don't worry about the job, at least you're seeking help. Sounds like getting well should be your focus.

Keep this thread though, so when you are ready to start work you have all the hints & tips here to help you.

PulpsNotFiction · 01/12/2014 10:09

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. Try and accept the decision you've made this time, it just wasn't right for you.

I really think doing some voluntary work would help to ease you into a paid job. You won't have the anxiety so much and could just start doing one day a week. Do it in admin so you're developing the skills you need to take a job but without the pressure. Have a think about it for the new year maybe?

We have a really good website for our area where you can search for voluntary work via sector. Have a look and see if you can find anything similar.

neighbourhoodwitch · 01/12/2014 10:11

Do you want me to come and see you this afternoon? PM me if you do. You will come through this. xx

neighbourhoodwitch · 01/12/2014 13:13

Hope you're ok. x

AlwaysDancing1234 · 01/12/2014 15:40

You are doing the right thing by getting professional help (even if the nurse you spoke to was horrible). It takes great strength to recognise you are ill and to seek help, that same strength will carry you through.

neighbourhoodwitch · 01/12/2014 17:40

Thinking of you and hope you are alright. xx

neighbourhoodwitch · 01/12/2014 17:40

Thinking of you and hope you are alright. xx

40somethingwonderful · 01/12/2014 17:47

Thought about you today, hope your ok. Just remember it will get better, I was rock bottom and had horrendous thoughts, now many years later I am more than well.

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