Starting new job, please help me not fuck up - advice?

[TryingAgain14]

What are your top tips for being a good, organised employee?

I am scared. I am going back to the workplace after losing my last job, being diagnosed with depression, and a few other difficult things. The job is something I have mixed feelings about, in one way I'm interested in the company and in another I'm so scared of 5 days a week every week that I want to back out of taking it. But I can't do that, or I will not have January's rent. It's that simple. Plus I think if I can only find a way of being calm, I could actually really enjoy this job once I get used to it. And if I don't, I can always move on.

Basically, I want to try my best to take the opportunity but I feel stuck. Any advice would be great on work ethic, on how to keep going when you feel really shit, on how to feel less tired etc. Time saving advice for not being exhausted in the mornings rushing round etc?

It sounds daft, but nobody else in my family has ever worked so I feel completely on the back foot when it comes to career stuff.

Please go - you'll be amazed by yourself & so proud - you'll never know otherwise. I could cry for you - please try and go. xx

How about drafting the email but not sending it (yet)?

Then take 5 mins to just breathe.

Please go, I have been where you are, depressed and starting a new job. I got as far as asking DH to drop a letter in on the way to his work to say I will not be starting, he refused to do this for me because he said I can do it and I will be letting them down, I pulled socks up and thought I will try one day and then if I don't like it then I can quit, the walk to work was horrid I felt dizzy and sick, walking in felt the same, but the people were so friendly and I settled in quickly, stayed there for 5 years and only left to have dc's.

Good luck you can do it.

Wow - listen to something wonderful's story - amazing & it will be for you too. Please go in. They'll be dying for you to start you know! xx

and no one will have a clue how you are feeling on the inside. You can do this. xx

I probably could do it but I don't want to I'm tired of faking being ok when I'm not, it's too exhausting.

The job should go to a person who will appreciate it properly who will keep up with the demands it makes. Not me, paralyzed with fear unable to get out of bed after being awake all night from anxiety.

Trying,

I faked it for a while and it slowly got easier each day, just getting out and doing something slowly made me feel better. My anxiety was so bad I was having panic attacks and also always had a dizzy head and muscles ached from the anxiety, I was constantly exhausted, but it did get better and for me getting out and doing something every day gave me the kick start that I needed.

Trying I have just done this and threw up with panic the first day but I can tell you honestly the anticipation is SO MUCH worse than doing it! In a couple of hours you could be at your desk with a coffee getting your teeth into it. It's such a jump into the unknown but very very quickly it's not unknown any more! A few weeks in and I love my job :)

Go, you can do this x

Yes, I am sure it will help with your recovery to have an external focus (i.e. the job) - I have heard what you said about the job going to someone else, but I firmly believe it is destined to be yours & to help you on your journey. No one is saying do not go - we are all supportive of you giving it a go & you have done the hard part which is securing the job, so well done you!

I realise you are knackered (and this feeling won't be helping), but somehow you will get through the day - we have all had days where we have just got through, despite extreme lack of sleep. You CAN do this. How will you feel IF you DON'T go? x

Just try one day.

You said yourself you need January's rent.

What harm can one day do?

Every journey - literally - starts with the first step. Get up. Get washed. Eat. Leave the house. Go to tube. Get tube. Do the walk. Etc etc. before you know it the first day will be over.

You can do this. You NEED to do this.

You can do this. Get up and dressed and bugger the Northern line. You can do it. Good luck.

Good luck - I am assuming you are going in and am so so proud of you. x

Don't give up now, you've come so far. I have been in your position but forced myself out of the door and it was the best thing I ever did. The job wasn't forever but it gave me more money which in turn reduced anxiety about bills etc, also increased my skills and self esteem which helped me so much in the long run. You can do this

No. I've done it, sent the email.

I can't do it and I need to own that. Need to accept I'm not cut out for it. My responsibility, and it's honestly really unfair on an employer to go in in my frame of mind. I can't concentrate and don't want to be there, it's nothing but a waste of everyone's time.

Stop looking at it as a choice. You can't quit - you'll let them down at the very last minute, you'll feel worse for it, and you won't be able to pay the rent.

Call and explain that you may be late because of the tube strike. That's the reality for a lot of London today. Then go. One foot in front of the other. Don't think about it beyond the fact that they chose you, and you need to pay the rent.

It really does get better, but you have to face it. You'll be right at home there soon and that will help your anxiety and confidence no end.

You can do this, you got yourself the job, remember? And you certainly do want to do it - remember you said yourself that you would enjoy the job once you get used to it, and of course that you need to pay the rent. We all know from experience that it is perfectly possible to do a day's work after a bad night, and once you've got yourself there you'll just get on with things and the day will pass before you know it.

Honestly, as someone who is plagued by anxiety, you need to go. Forget the email. Nobody will mention it when you arrive, and you can pass it off as nerves.

Just leave, now. Stop making excuses, and go to work. You've given yourself a choice where there isn't one. You need to pay the rent and you need to show yourself that you can do this, because you have to.

Everyone is nervous and distracted on their first day. They will expect that. If anything is unfair, it's letting them down now.

Give it a try. You've got nothing at all to lose now. Own your anxiety, and go to work. It's the only way it gets any better.

Please go in Trying . Everyone else is faking it as well.

I cant I have sent the email so burnt my bridges.

I just could not do it. Sheer panic.

Ok. So now you need a new plan.

There is no plan. I have no work ethic or strength of character. I crumble too easily. So much chronic pain. Mental and physical. Deeply tired. No ideas left.

I think you ought to follow up with a more detailed email explains your nervousness, apologising and asking if you can come in and talk to them. At least you are asking them to leave the door open. Maybe you could go in for a couple of days this week.

Would you like us to help you draft a follow up email?

You can. Just go. In person, it will be fine. Explain that you are a bit nervous and that the tube strike worried you, and they will empathise. Everyone is moaning about the tube this morning

You need to go, though. Make a start. Or you'll always be stuck at this stage. It doesn't get better unless you face it, and it'll feel good to show yourself that you can do it.

Don't think anymore. Block it all out, get ready, and go to work. You can do it, we are all behind you.

It's nothing to do with strength of character. You're still recovering.