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Starting new job, please help me not fuck up - advice?

128 replies

TryingAgain14 · 29/11/2014 15:00

What are your top tips for being a good, organised employee?

I am scared. I am going back to the workplace after losing my last job, being diagnosed with depression, and a few other difficult things. The job is something I have mixed feelings about, in one way I'm interested in the company and in another I'm so scared of 5 days a week every week that I want to back out of taking it. But I can't do that, or I will not have January's rent. It's that simple. Plus I think if I can only find a way of being calm, I could actually really enjoy this job once I get used to it. And if I don't, I can always move on.

Basically, I want to try my best to take the opportunity but I feel stuck. Any advice would be great on work ethic, on how to keep going when you feel really shit, on how to feel less tired etc. Time saving advice for not being exhausted in the mornings rushing round etc?

It sounds daft, but nobody else in my family has ever worked so I feel completely on the back foot when it comes to career stuff.

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 29/11/2014 23:49

Bless you, my love, so sorry you feel like this. If you are feeling really bad, do consider calling a friend, or someone like The Samaritans.
You are doing fantastically well to have picked yourself up from your former set-backs and gone out and found yourself a job. That is not easy. And yes, it is normal to feel scared about starting a new job - give yourself permission to feel this.
Don't over-think the clothes thing. Have you got anything clean you could wear that might be suitable? Even if it's not your best stuff, no one will think a lot about what you're wearing really, as long as your clothes are roughly appropriate for your role. If nothing's clean, could you hand wash in the sink using bubble bath or similar? As for shoes, have you got a pair of plain coloured pumps or something - these can be perfectly smart?
Longer term, just take one day at a time, don't expect to be perfect at the job in a second - if you are polite and kind to colleagues, try hard, are honest, and ask for help when you need it (and these are all things you can do) then you will do just fine, whatever the role.
Good luck!

TryingAgain14 · 30/11/2014 00:17

Thank you all. You've made me cry a bit more in a different way because you are all so kind and helpful.

I've used a bit of my landlady's laundry gel (I am the lodger) which I feel guilty about, but once I buy some more I can tell her and give her some. So I have put a wash on. Then tomorrow I will try to get the basics of organisation sorted out for the week ahead - get food in to make lunches, plan out 5 outfits, get my handbag ready, make sure I have a notebook etc. And then adopt the strategies all given to me in this thread.

I am so incredibly scared, but I have to give it a try. It's secretarial work for a small business that does work I find very interesting, and I don't want to be a secretary for the rest of my life but the money is good enough to live on and I can plan other things for the future from a position of being financially ok rather than financially desperate. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/11/2014 00:32

It makes perfect sense. You've fought hard to get where you are and you will succeed in what you're doing.
Remember the lovely people who have posted on your thread are all rooting for you and wishing you well.

2Retts · 30/11/2014 00:35

You're making perfect sense "Trying*, just keep re-reading the wonderful posts with the great advice you've already been given and go for it.

We're all rooting for you to get past the first day...remember, you choose the day you have and it's going to be awesome. Well done you!

Eeeeekyeeek · 30/11/2014 00:44

Good luck. If you're in/near West Mids I might be able to help with some shoes and other bits, what size are you?

I know you're scared but just remember, they've given you the job so they must already think you're great. Please believe in yourself Smile

RaspberryRuffle · 30/11/2014 00:47

You can do it. Congratulations, as other posters have said, THEY chose YOU for the job. The company saw your potential. The majority of people are nervous when starting a new job so they won't think anything of it. Be kind to yourself tomorrow. And get organised early so you can relax before bed.

dalekanium · 30/11/2014 01:03

You are amazing and inspirational to have got this far.

And from someone who fucks up because they bottle up, I am in awe of your ability to reach out for help when you know you need it.

If you can get past your own fears and it is bloody awful, wretched even feeling like that (- been there got the bloody CBT tshirt) then you are going to be truly awesome.

My advice is do what they all say, and watch for that self-sabotage, it is a little fucker if you give it free rein.

Good luck for Monday. Not that you will need it. You will be brilliant. X

Italiangreyhound · 30/11/2014 01:32

Good luck and well done.

Here is what I do in any new job.

When I am new and people are telling me the job I make notes. Ideally I do it straight into an electronic device, but if you just have a note pad and pen I would write everything down. Then I would either keep all notes safe in a file together or if you can do it on electronic device, keep the electric notes in one file together, as it is easier to search if you are looking for some specific things. Some places may not want you to write down passwords or some confidential information, so hopefully they can tell you this or it will be fairly obvious - of people are saying stuff that is not official work information (e.g. gossip!)

I usually make a note of people's names if I need to, and who does what of this may be on the company website.

Ask if you do not understand or feel confused. No one minds the new person asking questions.

If you are allowed coffee breaks etc take the time to chat to colleagues, it should be clear soon (or you can ask) what is expected, do the staff have a chance to chat etc so you can feel more connected to work colleagues or do they drink coffee at their desks and not interact except at lunch times.

Share stuff about you appropriately! By this I mean do not tell everyone everything very early on. Once told people cannot be untold. So you may choose to share some things as you go along but try not overwhelm people with too much personal information. I am sure I have met people who tell you about their latest operation or whatever the first time they meet! I am sure you will not do this! I had a lot of fertility treatment while at work and choose not to make it public knowledge. You do not owe your new colleagues to tell them all about you.

Be open to making a few friends. One of my closest friends now is someone I worked with about 17 years ago and I still spend holidays with people I worked with over 20 years ago. This is not, of course, the purpose of work, but sometimes you find someone special who you get on with and just click, so if you are invited to go out or socialise or simply drink coffee with colleagues, do be open to the fact you may make some new friends.

Prepare for success the next day (THIS is the bit I often fail to do!)... -Get your work clothes out ready, make sure they are clean and ironed etc. check you've got the shoes you need etc (unlike me today with dd's friend's party where all her shoes were caked with mud!!).

-If you need to bring in any items for work get them ready the night before, packed in a bag, ready to go.

-If you need to take a packed lunch (often much cheaper than buying even in a subsidised work canteen) make sure you make it the night before. (I do love having lunch in work canteen sometimes, as a treat, it's very sociable and I do it when the food is really what I like, the menu is available advance on our Intranet so I could prepare if I wanted to).

Go to bed early enough to get up early enough to get to work. Bear in mind stuff like transport issues, when I worked in a big city and used public transport it was train issues, now it is traffic ones, sometimes you can know in advance there will be issues but often not. So allow enough time to get there and maybe sit and relax a bit before you start if you are early. Remember this is the stuff I fail to do, so sadly I am saying what I would like to do if I could.

Good luck and congratulations.

Italiangreyhound · 30/11/2014 01:40

Trying I am so sorry I responded to your original post with tips and then saw this...

Thank you. I've been in bed crying about this all evening and just checked my thread, and seen some absolutely great advice. Such great tips to help with organisation but I can't do it. I haven't even got any clean clothes to wear, and have no laundry powder to do a wash, and I have no suitable shoes. The shoes I wore to interview cut my heels open, I can't put them on again. Etc.

OK, calm down and breath, this is an anxiety and you can tackle it.

You are most certainly not better off dead. You just feel anxious about this next stage. Once you get some cash you can get some laundry powder and some new shoes etc. So for now just select the most appropriate of whatever shoes you have got and find any items of clothing that are clean enough and suitable enough for the work.

When do you start work? You could rinse things out using a bit of shampoo and dry them before Monday. It's not going to be a fashion parade at work.

If you can bare to look at my over-long post above (sorry it is so bloody long!) you might see that I love having coffee and chats with colleagues, I am still friends with people I met years ago at work and love having lunch there sometimes too. Work does provide lots of opportunities for good things, as well as the pay!

Really, truly, I am sure you can do it, you got the job, which means you convinced someone you could do it, now you just need to convince yourself.

Good luck, please get some rest, it's very late, I should take my own advise and go to bed.

Thinking of you.

Mickeysmonkey · 30/11/2014 01:43

Another one adding good luck. You will be just fine! Really, be very proud of how far you've come. Having no family role models who work is difficult enough, but getting yourself hired in this economy while battling depression and anxiety? Bravo.

antimatter · 30/11/2014 02:22

If you need to wash anything you can do it in the sink and use a bit of shampoo for it. A blouse, tights or underwear.
I used scraps of soap in the past. Put some in a pan, add a bit of hot water, dissolve by warming it and cool down a bit. It goes into washing machine just like that. Don't over do it as it produces lots of lather Smile.
It works just as well as a laundry powder.

Good luck on Monday!

islandmama · 30/11/2014 02:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notthatshesaid · 30/11/2014 08:53

Hope you got some sleep. Things always feel worse at night, if it gets late and you're feeling really bleak you have to say to yourself 'i'm going to think this through tomorrow because i'm just going to wind myself up now' and then distract yourself. Keep repeating it every time intrusive thoughts come up, which they will.

You are going to do just fine. It'a totally normal to be nervous. Take it a day at a time and keep saying to yourself over and over ' i am completely capable of doing this. I am doing a good job.'

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/11/2014 08:54

I started a new job yesterday and I already found a twat I work with, I'm back to work again soon.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/11/2014 08:55

Oh and good luck, you'll be fine, I've had a long history of depression since my DD was born. I seem to be coping.

Icimoi · 30/11/2014 09:07

It's brilliant that you've got a job in a firm you're interested in. That means that you will definitely cope with the five days a week routine and, though it may be a bit tiring at first, you should also find it stimulating.

Fadingmemory · 30/11/2014 09:08

Focus for a while on what the job can do for you...

Giving you a daily purpose
Meeting people
Gaining knowledge
Increasing skills
Paying the rent
Focusing on things outside yourself and not so much on what troubles you (I am not minimising this at all, you have clearly had a very difficult time)

Good luck!

Catzeyess · 30/11/2014 09:18

Good luck!

My advice for feeling less tired is skip the strong caffine, it perks you up but then you will crash. Drink lots of water. If you start feeling tired get up and walk around. Try and go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day and your body will get used to it.

ilovesooty · 30/11/2014 09:22

Just wanted to say still thinking of you and wishing you well.

paperlace · 30/11/2014 09:31

Oh Trying, sorry you have been literally worried sick over this.

I have worked FT for 7/8 years, I have a 'big important' job, MD of a company. I still get scared shitless and feel sick with anxiety when I am out of my comfort zone, having a meeting with new client or whatever (I hide it well) and I am in charge of a workforce of 60 people!

It is very scary starting a new job and actually normal to feel how you are feeling even without the obstacle of depression - I was crapping it when I started this one and I'd had 15 years experience in my field.

Main thing is to be friendly above all else. Try to act confident if you can as it will breed real confidence (fake it to make it and all that), ask questions, work hard. That's all anyone can ask of you.

Very best of luck Thanks

Unescorted · 30/11/2014 10:06

Good luck!

Everybody who is working there had a first day.

If you don't understand something ask questions - they may assign a person to help you through the first few weeks. If not try to spread the questions between people. I still ask my colleagues questions 4 years after starting. My favourite ones are
When do you need that by? shows that you are prioritising your workload
Is there a standard format / how do you want that to look? It might be part of a bigger report and will save people time if it is written in a way that it can be cut & pasted.
Who else needs this? - shows you are part of the team.

Take notes - it shows you are listening.

Take your cues from other people in the office - if one person does a brew round then volunteer to do the next.

Egghead68 · 30/11/2014 10:15

Good luck, Trying ! Things are rarely as scary as we have built them up to be in our heads.

iwouldgoouttonight · 30/11/2014 17:04

I echo all the good advice on here, hope it has been of some help and hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

I'm starting a new job tomorrow too and I know I'll be up half the night fretting. I've just kind of accepted I'll be worried and scared and I'm going to take each day at a time. I've planned a nice dinner and pudding tomorrow evening to give me a treat to look forward to after the first day.

I'll think of you tomorrow as well. Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

ConventGarden · 30/11/2014 17:55

Dear op, well done on getting your new job.
There is a free govt. funded workplace mental health support service for anyone with diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health conditions, they can provide up to 6 months support and work with you to come up with an action support plan to help you manage any difficulties in your new role. The employer doesn't need to be involved but they can liaise with the employer if you ever wanted them to. For more info google workplace mental health support remploy. Or call them on0845 2688 489. You can self refer.
Good luck tomorrow. You can get through this.

Lovelydiscusfish · 30/11/2014 21:00

Good luck you for tomorrow! You will be fabulous. Your employers are very lucky to have someone who cares about doing the job well so much,