AIBU? DD 14 made fun of when in pain

[WelliBeDamned]

My DD is 14 and recently went to stay with my sister and her daughter for a weekend whilst I was on holiday with DH. DD has always suffered with very painful periods and many times I've heard her crying out on the bathroom floor in pain.

She came on unexpectedly whilst staying with my sister and she said she was in agony and thought she was dying, felt sick, going hot and cold feeling faint etc and doubled over and moaning in pain. Meanwhile, my sister and her daughter said she was being a drama queen and mocking her, taking the piss. She asked for painkillers (feminax) and she got her cheap paracetamol which obviously don't touch the pain.

When I went to pick DD up, my sister told me that my daughter would be a brilliant actress and told me that she came on and was being a proper 'drama queen'.

Am I right to be pissed off?

Yes that sounds horrible and she shouldn't be made to go there again if she doesn't want to, I hope she's feeling ok now.

FWIW the only thing that really consistently works for my period cramps is a herbal tea of cramp bark and raspberry leaf - this works every time for me when nothing else does, and it works quite quickly. Can be taken alongside other painkillers like ibuprofen and paracetamol.

I use the dried herbs in a metal reusable teabag, but you can probably get tincture or drops which would be easier to use. Maybe give it a try next time if you haven't already.

Fucking hell.

Your sister and her dd obviously have never truly suffered with their periods. I suffered like your daughter it was utterly horrendous. I went on the pill when I was 13 and told them to take it back to back to stop them altogether. Apart from bleeding continuously for 3 months and getting really aneamic, they did stop. But then had the nasty side effects of the pill.

I would be beyond livid with your sister. Horrible.

If DSis has never experienced the pain she won't have a clue. She could still take her DN's word for it the pain was intense.

I admire your restraint in not saying you're tempted to save up the 'drama queen' remark for some time in the future when DSis or her DD are severely affected by something.

YANBU

Paracetomol does not work unless you take it very early on. Ibuprofen works differently and is more effective. It is anti-inflamitory and reduces cramping. MA is a stronger drug of this type.

I used to have (and still do some months) very bad period pains. They were flipping agony when I was younger. If you have not experienced them yourself and you are a bit of an unsympathetic cow, then you might be flippant and dismissive about them. However, seeing as this is your sister and niece and your DD's Aunt and cousin then it seems rather cruel to take the piss like that.

If it were my sister I would tell her she is acting like a twat.

It's not "normal". Can you take her to a different GP who might be more sympathetic/up-to-date with their training? Alternatively just keep pestering the GP you've seen until they refer her.

I had painful periods at 14 (but thankfully hadn't started getting periods at 10!) and after trying various painkillers I went on the pill at 15 which helped a lot.

I was actually diagnosed with endometriosis a few years ago, although if it hasn't been for a the obvious presence of a large endometrial cyst on an antenatal ultrasound I doubt I would have ever been diagnosed. My pain is mild in comparison to many sufferers of endometriosis and I allowed GPs to fob me off with "it's normal" comments rather than pushing for a referral.

It might not be endometriosis that your daughter is suffering from but that level of passion is not normal and should be investigated further.

Plus your sister and her daughter behaved horribly.

Someone upthread said feminax is glorified paracetamol. No it's not - 's ibuprofen-lysine, which is faster acting than normal ibuprofen.

That said, OP, did your sister go out to buy the pain killers, or give her what she had in the cupboard? I don't have feminax in my armoury of drugs, so would end up offering either paracetamol or some of DH's ibuprofen (it doesn't agree with me). Agree with others about seeing the GP, but meantime, it's probably sensible to carry a couple of suitable painkillers around with her spare sanitary protection, whenever there's a possibility that she might need some.

Your right to be pissed off with your sister's dismissiveness, though. That was just bloody rude.

you're right. though it is your right too :)

Weird autocorrect! Pain not passion obviously!

I used to be exactly the same as your DD op, when I was a teenager. Really bad pains, sickness, headaches. Always got sent home from school once a month. The only thing that stopped it for me was going on the pill, nothing else worked. I now have next to no pain.

YADNBU at all, it's a shame. My mum never realised how bad I was until I got ill when we were out at the shops and had to rush to the toilet in a Boots opticians doubled over in agony. Unfortunately people rarely have sympathy for women when it's their TOTM unless they've been through similar pain too, even other women.

Good luck op, tell your sister to count herself lucky she's never had to deal with that pain!

YANBU - I had horrid period pains when I was younger. Mefanemic acid helped me a bit but thank god I grew out of it. I remember being about 14/15 and actually telling my mum in all seriousness that I wish I could have a hysterectomy because the idea of never having kids was less painful than the pain I was in, it made her cry

Your sister is a twunt. As others have said, she may not have experienced the same thing but a drop of empathy for her (much loved, presumably) DNiece wouldn't have been hard to muster. Your DD is well within her rights to say she doesn't want to go again.

YANBU. I was the same as Weelass. The pill helped and then having children helped. I have also found that I could head off the pain if I took a brisk walk the instant I felt a twinge.

But even if I didn't, I'd be capable of understanding that someone else might feel things differently so your sister is being pretty mean.

Mefenemic acid needs to be taken a day or two to build up in her body.

I suffer too, and I take a combo of paracetamol, ibuprofen and mefenemic acid in the day, and if I need codiene in the night. All under the guidence of my GP.

Now at her age that may be too much, but it's worth talking to the gp and asking. Also painkillers work best when taken regularly and are built up in your system.

Have you thought about putting her on the pill?

Oh, and btw, your sister is an evil cow. Your poor DD.

Endometriosis UK reckon it takes on average 8 years to get a diagnosis. It took me 9 and three different gp surgeries before one of them referred me.

"Deal with it" is quite possibly the least helpful thing anyone can say. I have taken bcp, mefanamic acid, tranexamic acid, ibu, para, codeine, dihydracodeine and tramadol. All any of them did was give me a stomach ulcer, liver damage or make me high. Nothing stops the pain.

A midwife friend says endo patients are great to work with in labour because they are used to the pain. That's not really an acolade i was aiming to achieve.

OP YANBU to be angry with your sis, who should be ashamed of herself. You also wnbu yo go straight to gp and ask how exactly they plan on dealing with it. It is highly unlikely that she does not have a further gynae problem. They need to start to look now or she'll be in her mid 20s by the time it is diagnosed.

I spent on average 35 days a year in pain akin to labour and another 35 or so bleeding v heavily with slightly less pain. Don't let this happen to your daughter too.

Your sister is a wanker. I remember being doubled up with period pains when I was 13/14 and my big sister got me a hot water bottle, went to the chemist and came back with every drug the chemist could offer. That's what family do, esp for a young frightened relative.

I survived the next two years on ibuprofen to the max dose and then thankfully the doc put me on the minipill when I was 15. I'd seriously consider it for your DD. I know the thought of hormonal contraceptives at that age is upsetting, but really, it's a medical need.

YANBU. My pain goes down my legs because of my womb being tilted, cramps and have vomited with pain before and sweated

Deal i requested a hysto too but doc said no. I still plan on having it whipped out as soon as i have had a child. And my ovaries. Little monster cancer factories is all they'll be by then.

Your GP sounds rubbish. It isn't normal. Push for a referral to a gynaecologist. Is the gp male. Or female? I would describe in detail what your dd has to go through and ask which bit sounds normal.

I would also have words with your sister.

That sounds very bad, and I hope your dd is ok now.

What would have happened if she had ruptured her appendix? Had an ovarian cyst explode.

I wouldn't let her stay there again, and would be having words as to why not.

Can your dd not go on the pill. I used to take to my bed for a day or two moaning and clutching a hot bottle while I flooded, from the very start. Going on the pill sorted me right out.

Now as I can't go on the pill anymore I'm on mefanamic acid, but would rather be on the pill again. It really was a life changer for me.

As I've said on another thread, I was put on the pill at 12 due to similarly heavy and painful periods (and the way that they made my EDS a million times worse...). My periods basically wrecked my later childhood years. I missed so much school as I basically couldn't walk. Seriously, ask her GP. The pill can be an absolute lifesaver in situations like this. There is no need for her to suffer like I did.

Your sister sounds awful, no I wondent let her stay there again. Yes take her to the Dr to see if there is any cause for this.

I don't understand why you wouldn't have helped her go to the doctor and, if she has bad pains and has found that Feminax helps, bought some for her to keep with her all the time. When I was 13 I had horrendous period pains - there was nothing wrong gynaecologically, I just had extremely painful 3 day periods. I was prescribed mefenamic acid (great stuff!) and carried it in my bag with my tampax, so I could self medicate as necessary as well as doing the other stuff required.

It seems a little mean making a 14yr old rely on others for something that she should be able to control herself.

What plecofjustice said.
I cant see why you'd expect people to have strong medications in. If you dd suffers that badly and you know something that eases it, wht havent you suggested she keeps some with her all tfhe time?

YANBU. There is simply no excuse for being horrid to someone who is in pain.

Your sister is a bitch and as an adult should be ashamed of herself. If she was my sister she's be getting the sharp end of my tongue.
Op has already stated that she has taken dd to the doctor and that the period was unexpected.