AIBU To inform Children's Services - children left home alone.

[SerialNamechanger1]

I would really appreciate some unbiased opinions on this if you don't mind reading and commenting. I feel I may be too involved in this situation to see it clearly for what it is (or isn't).

My partner has two daughters who are 5 and 6 (very nearly 7). Shared Residency with their Mother - they see her alternate weekends and midweek just for dinner. Very bad relationship between my partner and his ex, no communication, she is very angry and hostile.

The 5 yr old is articulate and on the more sensible side, but still a 5 year old. Nearly 7 year old is more immature than most I have met, very shy and quiet etc.

Eldest told my partner today (as part of a general conversation) that their Mother leaves them at home alone whilst she goes shopping. She explained it clearly and promised she is telling the truth. I spoke to the 5 year old independently and raised the subject and she told me she is allowed to stay home alone at her mummy's. Their stories and explanations both match and are both consistent and clear. It's happened many times, not just one and they say it's always when she needs to pop to the shops. If it's the nearest shop it would be a 10-15 min round trip at very least, if it's the large superstore it's at least an hour if just spending a short time in there.

My partner is really angry and upset and I am so worried, I would never do this with my own children. We absolutely would not do this and 100% feel it is a massive risk to be taking and potentially very dangerous - they are just too young and immature.

Children's Services have been involved before and are in the middle of completing a report on the children due to a previous allegation eldest made about her Mother hitting her (which was not taken further but Social Worker advised her Mother to be careful when using smacking as punishment). There is no immediate serious/active involvement now, they've decided the children are not at any great risk of harm but are going to carry out parenting assessments - I assume to tick the boxes to close the case.

AIBU informing Children's Services that the children are being left home alone?

Is it generally considered acceptable to do this? Is it just going to be seen as a petty complaint and "difference in parenting style" NONE of my friends or family do this and I can't imagine leaving them at home for at least a few more years, depending on maturity. Youngest is only 5 and still in Reception at school!

So does she work ft and that's perhaps why she struggles to fit the shopping in even though she doesn't have her DCs more?

Mwalimu. We don't know. Kids too young to know which shop it is. Local shop is still a short drive (maybe 3 mins drive each way) plus time parking, shopping and paying meaning at the very very least 10 mins round trip.

She works 9-5 as far as I am aware. That means she is most evenings (except 5 a month) and alternate weekends to do good shopping. Or she could just take them with her like everyone else does. They are no trouble, very well behaved girls.

If they were my neighbours children I would call children's services on the basis that they could probably do with being checked out. I wouldn't express concern beyond that and nor would I make a judgement about what children's services ought to find.

I have left my own child at 7years old alone for half an hour on occasion but he had, and followed very strict instructions and boundaries about what he could and couldn't not do in my absence and I trust him (usually he lies on the bed with an ipad and doesn't move). He has had training and practise in leaving the house in any emergency as that is where he would be seen and be able to access help. He knew exactly where I was and was able to communicate that if necessary.

Hmm, initially I thought you might have been a bit ott, based in my own leaving of children. But I think I have changed my mind. I wouldn't leave the smaller one whilst I was a drive away. In my own circumstances, I am a 2 minute walk away and the kids could get to me easily. Also they know the 3 closest neighbours on each side plus other people in the street. Also I often text someone to let them know what I am doing, so I can check in once I have returned

I have only just started leaving my 11 and 9 year olds for an hour. My main concerns are not so much what they get up to as they are sensible and quite mature, but a) what if anything happens to me whilst I am out and b) what if someone knocks on the door eg opportunist paedo.

do you get 'opportunist paedo's randomly knocking on doors round your way

OP I would be concerned and I would be talking to SS - they are too young to be left for a significant amount of time - I leave my 10 and 12 year old for short spells but always take my 6 year old with me.

I am surprised a 'social work manager' sees nothing wrong with leaving 2 under 7's home alone.

Ghosty- I did chuckle at "opportunist peados" but I think I understand what she means. Someone who may be knocking for whatever other reason who then find young children home alone without an adult and what may happen if these people are that way inclined and see an easy opportunity.

That is exactly what I meant serial. We live in a densely populated area and we get a large amount of random door knockers. From religious people to double glazing salespeople to charity works etc etc. Also, I am someone who suffered at the hands of a paedo in childhood. Sure, the chances are low, but if it happened I would never forgive myself. It's just not worth the risk imo.

DISCLAIMER: I don't have kids.

But if it's only for 10 minutes I think this is OK. They're not babies.

However, clearly I don't know what I'm talking about.

I have a 5 and 7 year old. I've left them alone twice - once to go to the postbox (probably minute and a half round trip on foot) and once to go to the local shop (7 minute round trip including buying the milk). Both times because they were so engrossed in iPod or TV they didn't want to be moved, so I chanced it on the basis that the odds of the house spontaneously bursting into flames were so low it was barely worth considering.

What the OP is describing is different and sounds like a more regular arrangement which increases the risk, along with the increased time of her being gone. Whilst its probably fine and nothing will ever happen if one parent is not happy with the arrangement, whether they are there or not, then it shouldn't happen.

The NSPCC has a hotline you can call anonymously to report this sort of thing. I think it's neglectful and I would certainly be feeling obliged in your shoes to be calling someone, anyone, that could help that situation...yes they are your DH's children, but they've told you about them being left, so I'd act on it myself asap.

Like another poster, my mother stopped bothering to stay in from when I was ten. I cooked, washed, cleaned for two brothers and a sister. Even now my sister says everytime she remembers a meal she from childhood she fancies cooking, it's either mine or our grandmother's cooking she recalls. We're in our fifties.
Unfortunately this was the sixties/early seventies. She was reported but she was the local headteacher of a primary school. Cut glass accent and demeanor to go with it. Not even looked at twice.
I'm pleased you're taking this seriously.

My partner called Children's Services. They were disinterested to say the least. Said it doesn't meet their threshold for significant harm. Told my partner it was up to him if he wanted to breach the Court Order but they wouldn't back him up as it wouldn't be enough for them to agree he was doing the right thing. They offered to call their mum and ask of she had been leaving them alone. My partner asked for a social worker to talk to the children, to independently record their versions of it and she refused, lack of resources.

He's told them he's very concerned, it's a regular thing and they are young children. She said it would be more serious if it were overnight but if it's just short periods of time they can't really take any action. They are going to call her (Monday) to have a chat. My partner explained the kids would be with her this weekend and may well get left alone again and Social worker told him to call Police right away if they are left and Police will attend. But how will we know? She lives in the next town! Kids have never mentioned it to us before as I they didn't know they should- they didn't know it's wrong.

We are going to tell them to call 999 if she leaves them again and ask for Police. Hopefully Police recording it may get something done about it

I think you should go further up the chain. I find the SW attitude disgraceful if I'm completly honest. If would do any good I would ask for her response in writing and forward it to the press, but that may do more harm than good.

Could you give the eldest a mobile with your number on, so she can ring you when she goes out?

We did leave dd 'alone' at home from about 6yo - but my mum lived with us, though in a completely separate part of the house. The instructions were if she was lonely, scared or hurt herself to go to granny (she would have done that anyway), if there was a fire or flood to leave the house and go to a neighbour she knew, and not to answer the door or the phone at all. She was a mature and level headed child and there were no problems.

I can see that SS would not have the resources to do much about this, but I do think it needed to be reported. I hope they have made a note of it, just in case. The chances are that absolutely nothing bad will happen to them no matter how often she does it. They might learn to be a tiny little bit more self-reliant.

Do they know the neighbours well enough to go there if they get scared of something?

Oh no. Please don't ask them to call 999, unless it is their own idea or they feel unsafe. In fact it would be best to tell them that if they are left and worried, then to call 999 iyswim, rather than they must simply for being left alone.

Otherwise they have to make the decision whether to get their mum in trouble or make their dad cross.

You have reported it and it will now be in their files. They will use it against the mother as part of an overall assessment if that ever happens.

I would call them / get DP to call them. BUT I would just report the facts of what they have said to you ie. Rather than reporting they are being left alone, that they have said they are being left alone. Then let social services follow up.

Did you phrase the issue to CS as a "can I refuse to send them?" Type of question.

I'm so shocked at how young people think it's acceptable to leave children alone!!!

My youngest who has just turned 11 has not been left at home on her own yet. I do leave her with her brothers age 13 and 15 if I have to nip out for a short time, but I have only done that if somewhere local.

It does need to be reported.

This is absolutely not acceptable by anybody's standards with any sense whatsoever. Of course such young children should not be left home alone under any circumstances. I think your partner should inform social services. Better that than some horrible accident should happen.

The Social Worker called back (apparently she's the senior SW on the team). She said she's spoken to the girls Mother who was very upset and bewildered at the allegation that she's left them home alone. She's said she would never do that and can't understand why anyone would claim she has. SW said they are happy with this. My partner said- so she denies it and it's all forgotten? He's insisted this is looked into and SW comes to school and speaks with the girls next week.