AIBU To inform Children's Services - children left home alone.

[SerialNamechanger1]

I would really appreciate some unbiased opinions on this if you don't mind reading and commenting. I feel I may be too involved in this situation to see it clearly for what it is (or isn't).

My partner has two daughters who are 5 and 6 (very nearly 7). Shared Residency with their Mother - they see her alternate weekends and midweek just for dinner. Very bad relationship between my partner and his ex, no communication, she is very angry and hostile.

The 5 yr old is articulate and on the more sensible side, but still a 5 year old. Nearly 7 year old is more immature than most I have met, very shy and quiet etc.

Eldest told my partner today (as part of a general conversation) that their Mother leaves them at home alone whilst she goes shopping. She explained it clearly and promised she is telling the truth. I spoke to the 5 year old independently and raised the subject and she told me she is allowed to stay home alone at her mummy's. Their stories and explanations both match and are both consistent and clear. It's happened many times, not just one and they say it's always when she needs to pop to the shops. If it's the nearest shop it would be a 10-15 min round trip at very least, if it's the large superstore it's at least an hour if just spending a short time in there.

My partner is really angry and upset and I am so worried, I would never do this with my own children. We absolutely would not do this and 100% feel it is a massive risk to be taking and potentially very dangerous - they are just too young and immature.

Children's Services have been involved before and are in the middle of completing a report on the children due to a previous allegation eldest made about her Mother hitting her (which was not taken further but Social Worker advised her Mother to be careful when using smacking as punishment). There is no immediate serious/active involvement now, they've decided the children are not at any great risk of harm but are going to carry out parenting assessments - I assume to tick the boxes to close the case.

AIBU informing Children's Services that the children are being left home alone?

Is it generally considered acceptable to do this? Is it just going to be seen as a petty complaint and "difference in parenting style" NONE of my friends or family do this and I can't imagine leaving them at home for at least a few more years, depending on maturity. Youngest is only 5 and still in Reception at school!

I hear what people are saying about it being okay to leave kids on their own for a bit (and it is not illegal). However, your instinct is saying that it's wrong.

There's no harm in mentioning this to the social worker, surely?

If you were an exDP partner of mine I would refuse to send my DC to stay with you as you are determined to find trouble any where you can for them all. Passive aggressive I believe it's called.

So the OP should ignore anything the children say because she's only a partner? The fact that she cares for them and looks after them more than their mother doesn't count?
She's just being spiteful?
And I doubt their mother can refuse to send them - the OP's house is their principal home.

Fabulous. As a SW Team Leader - what is your view on two children of 5 and 6 being left home alone on a regular basis with no adult supervision whilst their parent is out shopping? I'm genuinely interested.

Fab46. Op has said she is stepmum. She has also says she has dcs. And I interpreted 'just for dinner' as not overnight and not that dinner with their mum is unimportant.

But you're the expert. If you knew that children whose case you were overseeing were being left at that age for that long would you be concerned? (regardless of who told you about it).

OP - you and your partner are the children's advocates. No-one does this, much less someone who sees the children so infrequently. Please call the SW.

Xpost with op

Yes its a bit odd buggy

Yes I see your point OP. I think you should call SS. She should have planned and shopped before their arrival to make the most of her time with them. If it was me in the light of what you've said, I would probably um sit in the car one evening outside her house to see where exactly she does go and for how long exactly.
I can imagine this is very frustrating for you and apologies for any negative comments I've made towards you, I can see I was wrong. In fact you know the children as well as your DP so stick to you instincts on this one. They are lucky to have you in their corner.

I leave my dcs home alone to go to the local shop, they are 4 and 9, and it is 5 minute round trip. So a bit different, but I don't think its necessarily as bad as being made out?

When I told ss that my ex was leaving the dc on their own at similar ages they weren't very interested I'm afraid. There's no legal age. Unless something happens, then the parent can be done for neglect
I had to appeal to my ex instead

DixieNormas- Yes, that's true. Anyone can be anyone they like online can't they.

I am of course interested in all opinions and appreciate some may not agree with me/the majority. I've also learnt that some women, usually Mothers themselves, find it very hard to accept that sometimes living full time with their biological Mother isn't always best for the children and when a child lives with their dad there will often be a resident step mother- that doesn't make her a child stealing evil witch.

So. I've spoken to DP this morning and he's looked at the replies here. We are now happy that we aren't just over protective and that, generally speaking, 5/6/7 yr olds aren't left at home alone and that almost everyone feels it is neglectful and very irresponsible. We know there is no law against this but do agree somebody needs to be told. We are going to do something today and try and contact the children's allocated Social Worker first.

It would be very hard to stop them going to their mum's today as she collects them from school. There's a Court Order in place which is very specific and there would be a very big scene caused if she arrived and we had already collected them or tried to at the same time or if school refused her them. By big scene I mean screaming and swearing in front of the girls, other children and staff- it's happened before .

She's not daft, she's a normally functioning and well educated woman with a normal and very lovely family - she must know it's wrong. They've been told not to tell us so she clearly knows it's inappropriate to leave them alone.

Fabulous. If you are a social worker, you should be utterly ashamed of that post.
I work in Children's Services (I'm not saying in what role as it is quite specific) and you (original poster) are quite right to be concerned and referring this on. It is likely that children's services will want to look into this a bit more before making a decision as to whether further action is necessary. Be aware that the assessing/fact finding social worker is likely to need to speak to both children on their own, so I would advise that you avoid discussing this with them from now onwards. I would also let school know as well. As the person in your home with PR, your partner really should be the one making the call and speaking to social care/school.

In short:you are most certainly doing the right thing.

Thank you happy sunflower - Yes, it is always my partner that speaks with the school and he will be the one calling the Social Worker too.

Yep, we have been told before that any allegations from the children need to be their own words so it won't be discussed with them again, they haven't been questioned about it at all- just clarified that they were definitely home alone with nobody else and that is happens often. I asked youngest separately (she wasn't there when eldest told my partner) to see if she said the same and their stories match. So we've not raised it again in case we get accused of putting words in their mouths.

I agree I think it should be reported but by the girls father.

I've now read the entire thread, so sorry if someone else has suggested this, but how do you know she has gone to the shops? Could she be seeing a man/buying drugs/going to the pub?

Going to the shops seems like an odd thing to do when she has plenty of time to go without the children?

Anyone who thinks it is OK to not say anything clearly is far too blase IMO.

Not saying anything enables shitty behaviour towards children. An extreme example but it is how things like baby P happens.

I speak as someone who was taken into care. But it wasnt until I said something to a teacher that anything happened, despite people around us, so called family and friends, being well aware of the shit we were going through.

RPoo. Yes, you are correct she could be going anywhere but I think it's the shops as they've said she comes back with the shopping bags/ needs them to open the door to let her in with the bags. The girls have little sense of passing of time (as with most young children) but they've said she's not gone too long.

She doesn't do drugs or have an alcohol problem as far as we know. She has a good job and I think she'd not be able to hold that down if she had a problem with drink/drugs. It could be a man but she's never had a problem having them round her place and staying over with the children there so no reason to think she's popping out under the guise of shopping just to meet a man.

Is she leaving them for an you whilst she goes to the supermarket, or 10 minutes for local shop?