AIBU To inform Children's Services - children left home alone.

[SerialNamechanger1]

I would really appreciate some unbiased opinions on this if you don't mind reading and commenting. I feel I may be too involved in this situation to see it clearly for what it is (or isn't).

My partner has two daughters who are 5 and 6 (very nearly 7). Shared Residency with their Mother - they see her alternate weekends and midweek just for dinner. Very bad relationship between my partner and his ex, no communication, she is very angry and hostile.

The 5 yr old is articulate and on the more sensible side, but still a 5 year old. Nearly 7 year old is more immature than most I have met, very shy and quiet etc.

Eldest told my partner today (as part of a general conversation) that their Mother leaves them at home alone whilst she goes shopping. She explained it clearly and promised she is telling the truth. I spoke to the 5 year old independently and raised the subject and she told me she is allowed to stay home alone at her mummy's. Their stories and explanations both match and are both consistent and clear. It's happened many times, not just one and they say it's always when she needs to pop to the shops. If it's the nearest shop it would be a 10-15 min round trip at very least, if it's the large superstore it's at least an hour if just spending a short time in there.

My partner is really angry and upset and I am so worried, I would never do this with my own children. We absolutely would not do this and 100% feel it is a massive risk to be taking and potentially very dangerous - they are just too young and immature.

Children's Services have been involved before and are in the middle of completing a report on the children due to a previous allegation eldest made about her Mother hitting her (which was not taken further but Social Worker advised her Mother to be careful when using smacking as punishment). There is no immediate serious/active involvement now, they've decided the children are not at any great risk of harm but are going to carry out parenting assessments - I assume to tick the boxes to close the case.

AIBU informing Children's Services that the children are being left home alone?

Is it generally considered acceptable to do this? Is it just going to be seen as a petty complaint and "difference in parenting style" NONE of my friends or family do this and I can't imagine leaving them at home for at least a few more years, depending on maturity. Youngest is only 5 and still in Reception at school!

If you are currently dealing with a family law solicitor I would ask their advice. It is definitely neglect however the solicitor may advise how to handle it correctly. It does need reporting, but in a way that it cannot me misconstrued as spiteful false allegations. I know its not but you do not want to give the other side room to start alleging this.

youareallbonkers do you just deliberately say the opposite thing, or what?

How can it not be dad's business?!

Blimey I'm pretty lax about such things, and they are way too young. I would report and say that you understand how it looks but the dc are both saying the same thing.

Get real youareallbonkers

Op Yanbu, ring them.

years ago people didnt get involved,thats why so many kids were abused and neglected

thank god people dont all take that attitude now

Are you psychic? Or the ex, maybe?

Either op or her partner need to call them. Mabey he should as they are his kids.

I would speak to your solicitor first thing tomorrow who will be able to give you some expert advice as to what to say when you make the call.

Thanks everyone who's replied. I am rather over protective of my own children and I am aware that isn't a great thing and also that sometimes it means I see things as too slack/neglectful when they aren't so it's good to hear that the general MN population think they are too young too.

youareallbonkers - these girls live with me, I am a SAHM to them and my own children, I care for them very much. I am not the non resident parent's new girlfriend, I am their resident step mum.

Yes I think Solicitor first thing is the first step.

I would 100% advise making the call. I'm sure you must have run through all sorts of emergency scenarios in your head that children of 5 and 7 could not respond appropriately to and you would never forgive yourself if something happened. They are the children and protecting them, not a grown adult (who has the rest of the week to go shopping), is your priority. Also, what else goes on that you don't know about...?

As it stands there is no law (it might have changed, but I don't think it has) that you can't leave children unattended, you can leave a newborn for a short period of time, if provisions of saftey are made for the child. It's not illegal to leave children unattended

There is no provision in law to allow newborns to be left unattended. Its correct that it is not an actually named offence but it would be covered under neglect

I'd call the social worker. And if you do end up sending them I'd also contact the police and ask them to do a welfare check whilst they are there. But if I really thought she'd be doing that then I wouldn't send them at all.

OP, your dp can call social services anonymously, pretend he's a neighbour, so that the children don't get into trouble for talking out of school.

Call them.

Basically there's no fucking excuse.

People saying she needs support but sorry - she doesn't have them full time and if she needs to go to the shops she should take them with her like any normal parent!

You have to tell child services because God forbid anything was to happen to them when she left them.

Yanbu to be worried but, bad relationship notwithstanding someone should raise this with the mum before going to ss.

If things are as bad as you say going direct to SS may make things utterly terrible. You or your partner ( or is there a more neutral friend or grandparent) should urgently have a word, confirm this is not acceptable and cannot ever happen again.

Where I live it's pretty normal to leave your kids for a 10 min round trip to the shops at their age if you trust them. I was a bit shocked when I was told by one mum that she sent her DS (8) to get milk from the corner shop. But we live in a very safe forward thinking area so to call social services would be a tad extreme and sounds completely over the top. But I understand if you want to make trouble for her.
In fact my friend wanted to leave her DD (4) who was very ill at home for 3 minutes to go to the shop, decided against it so took DD with her and left her in the car for 2 mins, by which time some busybody had called the police to investigate. The police were really annoyed with the call out as it was just 2 mins and her DD was clearly not in any danger. Pathetic really. If she had left her DD at home on the sofa watching TV none of that would have happened. So you can't win whatever you do.
There is no law leaving your kids at home so long as you feel they are capable of looking after themselves as per the link above. You use your common sense based on the individual child.

Mind you saying that 5 is too young IMHO. 7 is ok ish.

I assume you are a stepmother to these children?

My partner has two daughters who are 5 and 6 (very nearly 7). Shared Residency with their Mother - they see her alternate weekends and midweek just for dinner. Very bad relationship between my partner and his ex, no communication, she is very angry and hostile.

You are simply a partner, not the children's mother! So what if they see see her "just for dinner," to those children it just isn't "dinner" it's spending time with their mum.

I see this a lot in my job as a SW Team Manager. Yes, perhaps SW are involved in her life. They have done an assessment and she is not at any "great risk or harm" to her children.

Yes that's all we do OP, we tick boxes on a little tick sheet, we know fuck all and leave all children to starve and be neglected

Everyone's 'normal' is different, please keep this in mind. I feel a drip feed coming on in relation to how awful and terrible a mother this woman is

Out of interest do you have children of your own OP?

OP - I take it you were behind making the allegations about the eldest saying she had been hit to the SS.

If you were an exDP partner of mine I would refuse to send my DC to stay with you as you are determined to find trouble any where you can for them all. Passive aggressive I believe it's called.

OP, your dp can call social services anonymously, pretend he's a neighbour, so that the children don't get into trouble for talking out of school.

Why the hell would he call and not say he's their father if he's that concerned? The kids live with him. If he's that concerned yes, of course he should call but give his right name. There's already SW involvement he will have a named worker already.

OP

You only have the dc word for this, they have told you.
Report and then if ss want to take it further they will.

Just tell them what you have told us, then you are informing them of what the dc have said and not accusing their mum of anything.

Good luck, you sound a lovely mum.

Ditto - to people not reporting in the past. My dh might have had an upbringing free from abuse if people had reported.

Dancing in circles - No, we don't want to make trouble for her. The children live with us, there is no reason we would want to cause her more trouble/stress as that would only have negative consequences for the children.

Also, no, eldest made allegations to a school teacher, who contacted my partner and Children's Services - nothing to do with us. She was hit hard and inappropriately by her mum. She has been told it was inappropriate and has received advice and guidance on appropriate use of smacking as chastisement and good alternatives from the Social Worker. Police arrested her and interviewed her but decide it was serious enough to be in the public's interest to prosecute.

She doesn't send the children to stay with us, they live here and have for 3 years, we have Residency and they have contact with her.

Fabulous- When I said "just for dinner" I only added that to explain that they do not stay late in the evening as that is when this seems to happen, they are left alone whilst she goes shopping after dinner/near their bedtime - I wasn't insinuating that those 2.5 hrs a fortnight are not important parenting time.

The 1st SW decided the children were not at risk of significant harm after 1 phone call to their mum and 1 short meeting with her - she had never seen her with the children or spoken to their school, us or checked medical records etc. She is very well spoken, well educated and comes across very well. However, I understand the bar for "significant harm" is very low and I can see why she made the judgement she did. The new SW decided another Assessment was necessary, including parenting assessments and a full report. They've left it months without starting the assessments so I can only assume it is being done to "go through the motions" and close the case on the children rather than from any concern as otherwise it would have been a priority and done immediately.

You're right, I am not the children's Mother, but they live with me and I care for them as if they were my own children and I am entitled to be concerned for them.

This is exactly the sort of response my partner fears he will receive. I have no doubt that the children are telling the truth, they are very sweet and innocent like that, never lie, aren't into making malicious allegations and know the importance of telling the truth about serious matters.