To sincerely hope motherhood is not the best thing I will ever do?

[purplebiro]

I'm 12 weeks pregnant, recently announced on FB and an old school friend commented "congrats - it's the best thing you'll ever do". AIBU to really want to reply "I sincerely fucking hope not"?

I know she was trying to be nice and I am delighted about the pregnancy but I am also highly intelligent, ambitious and hard working - if the best thing I'm ever going to do is with my womb, I might as well give up now. AND I doubt anyone would ever say that to a man.

duplodon urgh, poor you.

I've had the same thing said to me and I take it with the grace it warrants, however I don't think of motherhood as being an achievement, more as a state of being. I adore my children and I have some great achievements I'm proud it. However if it came down to it I'd give my achievements up but never my children, I guess that's easy to say as that will obviously never happen. I gaze at my children in amazement and wonder, I never do that to my medals and degrees etc. although I'm like I say I'm proud of them.

Life as a mother doesn't make me one dimensional, I'm still lots of things and I share my achievements and experiences with my children often. It's good for a child to see a parent as a successful human being too and to feel part of my life before and after their birth. Being a mother is truly wonderful, you'll love it (and sometimes hate it)!

Oh God it wouldn't affect me like that today... but I was extremely vulnerable. I'd posted in confusion about conflicting advice I was getting from the GP and midwife about weight loss in my baby. The midwife was worried, the GP said he was doing fine. I asked (stupidly) why they'd be concerned and a poster gave a list of all the reasons GP's knew nothing and why a midwife would worry and included in the list a reference to serious underlying illness/metabolic disorder. I freaked at her and was pretty arsey in my panic, in all honesty.. I said she'd no business suggesting severe disabilities to a new mum and suggested she wasn't very good as a breastfeeding counsellor if she thought it was okay to put it in my mind my baby could have a grave illness ane of course I got 'you shouldn't have asked if you couldn't handle the truth'. Well, quite. I know that now! Then I started a thread about it, looking for support and feeling increasingly desperate and I was FLAMED from on high. It honestly was a horrendous experience in terms of the impact it had on me in real life. It wouldn't have happened at another moment or in another context and looking back I can imagine I came across as a royal pain in the backside but I was actually in a state of panic about the feeding. Baptism of fire! Still here though

I kind of agree but that's because I don't really see motherhood as something I do - it just is. This is how we live together, all the family, and there are good days, bad days, best times and worst times...

Good grief, obviously my spelling and grammar aren't much cop! Lol

Pretty much totally off topic here but purple my DS's baby Converse are in a little box next to his baby book, he was in them for 3 months tops but looking at them now makes my eyes well up and my heart go all fluttery. Nothing else has ever made me feel such raw emotion as things related to my son.

I think something that reduces a fairly sensible, grown, educated woman to a blubbering, smiling wreck over tiny shoes is evidence that at least on an emotional level having a child has been the most important, significant thing I have ever done. His impact on my life has been immense (at times it's been scary but overwhelmingly positive).

Good luck with everything. I hope you DO feel your child is the best thing you've ever done, because its an awesome feeling. If you don't and you find yourself happy and fulfilled by your other achievements, that's fine too!

Back to my original point...buy the Converse

I agree with every single word duplodon has said, she wise woman, and OP you seem to be wilfully ignoring her.

Having children does not suddenly mean you can no longer be a feminist, lose your intelligence, or that any other achievement is somehow null and void - you do realise that, right? It's just that for most people their children are (rightly) extremely, extremely important to them.

I still dont get the "im a feminist" thing here? Do you not understand the word? or what it stands for? It means women not being an "underclass" quite simple really. It doesnt mean having to "prove" anything and then becoming aggressive.

Slight misrepresentation of that thread duplodon! As I remember you actually asked specifically what other conditions they could be talking about and someone answered you. I've seen you misrepresent the other poster rather unfairly a few times now.

You've missed the point, op, If you think it's about your womb....that's by far the easy bit.

And I can't really imagine what you're doing in your career to even come close to creating, and raising an entire human being, but be assured, it's a bit tougher/a tad more rewarding than getting that bonus, promotion or whatever.

I was like you.
I'm not any more.

Motherhood changes you whether you like it or not, but I have to say it does kick priorities into touch big time. Congrats in your pregnancy....it is the most precious thing you'll ever do, being a mother.

Jesus! You are kidding me right? That was how I remember it, that is how I remember it. Unfairly represent a poster? Are you KIDDING me? I was five days post fucking partum and I just said I cried my eyes so much they were raw and couldn't look at my baby and you honestly think I'm unfairly representing a NAMELESS poster? It's FIVE years ago!

Do we really need to pick another poster apart about how she interprets things that happened when she was five days post partum?

I remember being five days post partum with dd1, just home from hospital and wanting to kill DH because he dared to bring me dinner when he could see I was busy! And again five days post partum with dd2 because he let my mother clean my toilet while I was in hospital. It's the post birth hormonal rush day. I don't give a fuck whether any other woman thinks someone on here was evil Edna when she was five days post partum and I'm very surprised anyone else is invested enough five years on to pull her up on it.

And what exactly was the unfair bit? I don't think I said one thing in my post there that is 'unfair' or derogatory to anyone, I pretty much took all the blame for it myself and said I was arsey because I was vulnerable and panicking.

But there you have it Purple, AIBU can be more about proving who is right than considering the humanity of those involved, so it's best to stay away from it if you are feeling vulnerable.

Not wilfully ignoring anyone, just not able to keep up with everyone.

Eek, read the first two pages and found I was the only one agreeing with the OP!
My 3 Dcs are part of me but not all of me and I don't see raising them as a major achievement. Its what you do. Feed them, clothe them,love them...its hardly rocket science. They all seem to have turned out OK but I don't consider it to be my life's work.There ar other things I want to do with my life other than breed and more to me than being someone's mum. Not everyone is overwhelmingly maternal. Dare I say OP, YANBU!

I am shocked anyone but me remembers it! I felt so badly about it I had it and my whole profile deleted when ds was about six months, I used to shake thinking of it and I'm shaking now to be pulled on it. Was it my finest hour? Erm, probably not... but it was honestly one of the worst days of my whole life!

duplodon think you're right - tbh I'm made of pretty stern stuff and I am pretty buoyant atm but I'm glad I felt out the parameters of AIBU while I'm in this state - can't imagine how this would all make me feel if I were low or scared.

*
And that's me for this thread - feel free to draw your own conclusions about my suitability or otherwise to be a parent in my absence, and I will do my best not to be a journalist.

Of course you can do other things but when you get to the end of your life no one says they wished they had spent more time in the office! I work to live- I do not live to work. My children are the best part of my life- they are the ones I would die for- not anything else!

I'm sorry you had such a bad time duplodon, it only sticks in my mind as I have seen you recount the story a couple of times now and your "nameless poster" is someone who gives a lot of their time and effort to helping people with bf issues.

Holy fuck what a surreal thread!

MN at its absolute worst at times.

How the hell can anyone recall something that happened to someone else 5 years ago on an internet forum?
Talk about over-investment! Christ I can't even remember what I had for tea tonight.

OP - enjoy your pregnancy. Your experience of motherhood will be yours and yours alone.
There is no rule book. Unfortunately.
God knows the countless times I wished there were!

'breed'- so woman are just animals now?

Humans ARE "just animals."
We're mammals.

tinks that is boak-tastic.

OP I think all family and friends give life meaning and your child will of course give your life an enhanced sense of that.

but i have an old school "friend" who, completely lacking in skills/imagin ation just "went down the kids route" and who I know would love to tell me (if i sprogged) that i was now allowed 'in the special mum's club'. that would annoy me because she views life as some sort of competition that she has 'won'and by falling pregnant I am admitting to her that yes she was right all along and everything else before having dc js just 'filler'. now, she may be right, but because I don't like her much i think she has taken the easy, cliched route and hasn't strived to'have it all'. but perhaps it is that simple and why shouldn't it be? i.e. having children is without qualifiers the best anyone can hope to achieve in life. it's depressing to me but perhaps it shouldn't be? because most (not all) people can have children regardless of wealth etc? and let's face it for the majority if history having children was essential to your survival because they were labourers etc and also your pension

nowadays there is a feeling that your children will be more of an individualistic self gratifying pursuit (as there is no real economic imperative) so i think that changes things quite a bit.

anyhow i think that you are on a really interesting personal journey and i that being responsible for a little person adds lots of fun and joy to your life (but isn't the only source of it).

ps well done on setting up a social enterprise... sounds interesting!

Women not 'woman'.

*Hand your membership card in now sparkles shock

It must be so confusin being a first time new mum these days.*

Was that to me? How come?

You're not 'avin' me membership card!