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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get really annoyed with people telling me what I should and shouldn't do? Pregnancy

30 replies

Sockstealer · 24/11/2014 22:51

So I'm pregnant and so another x amount of months of unwanted opinions.

Suddenly people I barely know seem to know what's best for me.

From memory it doesn't get any better once the baby is born either.

Why does everyone have an opinion.

Apparently I shouldn't be decorating, carrying things, taking paracetomal for a headache, I definitely should not be having a home birth as it's selfish and dangerous, I should/should not have a flu jab (depending on who's butting into my conversation), if I dare to express unhappiness about any given situation I 'shouldn't be worrying', or 'I'm stressing myself out'. Which is apparently not good for the baby. I should/shouldn't give the baby it's brothers hand me downs as it will/will not give the baby a complex.

News flash, women having been having babies for years, I've managed to bring one child up without any major disasters, I'll follow current medical advice along with a dose of experience and common sense.

And if I want your opinion I'll ask for it.

Rant over.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sockstealer · 24/11/2014 22:53

I think it's better when your children are older and nobody's interested anymore!

OP posts:

AuntySib · 24/11/2014 23:00

Better get used to it!
Once the baby arrives, there's so much more to advise on!

Seriously though, half the time it's just people making conversation, or trying to show they are interested/care. Don't take it personally, just pick the advice that suits you, and politely ignore the rest.

You may even find you welcome advice once you've been up all night for weeks in a row with a crying baby - I know I was happy to try anything!

Gawjushun · 24/11/2014 23:03

Oh fuck, people do this with second pregnancies too? I thought I might get left alone next time.

Bulbasaur · 24/11/2014 23:04

Learn to deal with it now before it's sleep deprivation on top of hormone fluctuations.

I just smile, nod, and go back to doing what I was doing.

Enough times of:
"You should do X"
"I will keep that in mind"

They'll get the hint. Or not. But at least you'll have a way to deal with it instead of yanking your hair out over it.

Original poster

Sockstealer · 24/11/2014 23:05

Don't mean to sound as though I've got a chip on my shoulder, I honestly haven't, and just smile and nod when people comment.

I honestly find some of it quite insulting though, if I'm talking to someone about seriously considering a home birth, then another person comes in with how it's stupid, dangerous how I can't do that.

OP posts:

NeedaDiscoNap · 24/11/2014 23:05

OP, you do know you're public property when you're pregnant?!

Just nod and smile whilst swearing inwardly. And develop some good put downs for the really rude ones. I loved doing that when I was pregnant!

PoppyWearer · 24/11/2014 23:05

I was going to say, if you think it's bad now, wait until you have the baby!

Original poster

Sockstealer · 24/11/2014 23:08

I know poppy, I remember it well, weaning, sleep positions, as a pp said I was hoping nobody would care as it's my second.

OP posts:

makeitabetterplace · 24/11/2014 23:41

I'm 30 weeks and I've not had any of this. People are always asking me of I need to go to the toilet though which is very weird, as if I wouldn't go unless someone asked me - like a toddler. Maybe i don't get a load of advice because I don't really talk about the pregnancy or maybe because everyone knows I'm a stubborn old bag and won't do what they suggest anyway. I got a few comments in the early days about how I shouldn't be claiming a ladder, carrying some books etc, I told them that this baby was learning to be strong and not pathetic and that starts in the womb.

Thehedgehogsong · 24/11/2014 23:45

YANBU! Especially about the home birth, I'm planning one too and I was constantly being told it's too risky. They've stopped now as the baby is due in 2 days and I haven't changed my mind!

APocketfulOfSpondulix · 24/11/2014 23:47

You should calm down, getting het up is bad for the baby.

ladydepp · 24/11/2014 23:56

Oh dear OP, all that typing.....NOT good for the baby. Maybe you should go lie down on your left hand side for 23.5 minutes before massaging your bump with organic hemp oil. In a clockwise direction obvs.

Or you could play pregnancy bingo where every time you get opposing advice (get less/more exercise etc...) you give yourself a biscuit.

basgetti · 25/11/2014 00:05

YANBU. I'm 36 weeks and have had severe HG throughout this pregnancy. It is astonishing just how many people are experts and feel the need to impart their wisdom and 'advice.' I now wonder why those silly doctors are bothering with medication and IV fluids when ginger biscuits and a brisk walk should do the trick. And I can't possibly still be so ill during my third trimester because everyone knows sickness stops like magic at 12 weeks! And are those tablets really safe when you are pregnant? Well probably safer than dehydration. Grrrr.

uurrghhhhhh · 25/11/2014 00:05

I am 34 week's. I have had the odd comment but i must have a really good fuck off face!

I have heard a lot of people saying to lie down on left hand side - why is that? Is it a thing?

uurrghhhhhh · 25/11/2014 00:09

Oh and i get lots of advise on pregnancy by a friend whos only experience ended in abortion. I not against abortion at all, i had one myself many years ago. I just find it very odd for her to relate to it so often.

Me: ugh i am so sick of not sleeping and keep peeing
DF: Yea i remember how that feels, god i dont envy you pregnancy sucks. I was up all the time for 8 weeks!

FruitBasedDrinkForALady · 25/11/2014 00:41

My lovely fried who "guided" and "advised" me through both of my pregnancies, is now pregnant with her first. I have bitten lumps out of my tongue.

MrsMarcJacobs · 25/11/2014 04:00

Yes, I'm sure women throughout history have been sleeping on their lhs as soon as they know they are pregnant. I can't sleep on my left hand side!!!!

MrsMarcJacobs · 25/11/2014 04:03

The lhs thing is something to do with increasing blood flow to the placenta.

redexpat · 25/11/2014 06:29

My mother once asked how my discharge was.

Original poster

Sockstealer · 25/11/2014 07:06

So sorry that you're feeling so ill basgetti, and I totally agree, I was very sick although starting to get better now, and the amount of 'pregnancy isn't an illness', 'you just have to get on with it', 'have you tried bloody ginger tea'. Oh and disapproving looks about me taking medication.

OP posts:

hackmum · 25/11/2014 07:57

Isn't it great the way people try to make you anxious by telling you all the things you should and shouldn't do - and then tell you that you mustn't get stressed about anything because it's bad for the baby?

monkeymamma · 25/11/2014 08:22

Heheh I've not found this second time round at all actually! Apart from the assumption from everyone I the world that I must want to drink herbal tea (I facking HATE herbal tea... What's wrong with actual tea ffs?).
A couple of people have said ooooh, put that down, you shouldn't be carrying heavy things - to which a nod in the direction of my toddler ds (all 17kg of him) usually solves the debate.

DazzleU · 25/11/2014 09:34

I found it less with second pg - possible as I was constantly accompanied by a young toddler.

That was until HB was mentioned - then everyone had an opinion and that was despite not mentioning it to family.

Did find DH had a lot of talk some sense into her conversations with friends - despite fact he was, after a through talk with our MW, completely on board and definitely in favour.

Worse with third pg - got sent to a consultant as in this area it's standard - consultant spent entire time talking to DH and scaremongering - every time I opened my mouth a fourth ear female medical student visibly rolled her eyes. Clearly I did not know my place.

It does feel part of a whole - your pg so can't now know about anything now.

BauerTime · 25/11/2014 09:59

You get it second time around too? Oh dear.

My faves were all of the advice from people who have never been pregnant. One of my best friends is an absolute prime example of this and it drives me insane! She did it through pregnancy and now gives me lots of unsolicited advice on how to care for/raise DS. Its got to the point now where I don't even want to talk to her about DS as if I say something along the lines of 'he did something naughty today' she tells me how she would have dealt with it because 'if you don't do x, they will just y'. Oh that's right is it, you know all about one year olds because you work in a primary school!

ChickenMe · 25/11/2014 11:11

Aargh
There are alot of boundary issues when you are preg-people not respecting boundaries but apparently its "ok" because they are "excited". Pressure to find out and disclose sex, reveal name, allow people to be at the birth. How come the word NO means nothing if you're pregnant?
Also, people are completely tactless. Eg: I'm scared about the 20w scan. It's an anomaly scan after all! Family don't get this and are on and on about it "so excited" need to know exact time of scan, all the juicy details. And then they get the hump when you don't seem as excited.
yanbu

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