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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My neighbour is harrassing me and said racial comments to me.

126 replies

Tammy1212 · 23/11/2014 22:52

She called me a black b n said I should be grateful to get a housing association flat in this country
She admitted to stealing my letters n parcel
She constantly bangs on her floor when my tv is on 15/100 volume so not loud she just wants silence when she is ready to go bed, She stomps around all day but when she's ready to go sleep I MUST be quite
She walks around in boots
She is constantly knocking on my door to scream at me about something
Example yesterday she left a note on my car about my "bad parking" then knocked on my door to start arguing with me about it with her boyfriend
I got in at 3am yesterday n turn on my tv so she started banging on my floor then because I didn't turn my tv off she came n banged on my door which I just shouted for her to * off through the door
She leaves her cigs on my window seal

I have reported her to HA since Sept
I recently reported her to police on Fri they still haven't come round.
I feel I'm going to hurt her seriously she is winding me up, she is obsessed with me it's not even normal
Will the police even do anything?

She tried to threaten the police n HA to me but I do nothing to her. She thinks my tv is on to piss her off, her problem is she does things to purposely upset me so she thinks I'm doing stuff to annoy her which I'm really not, I'm just living my life.

I'm watching tv now and I have my earplugs in and I can still hear her banging around/stomping just because my tv is on

What can I do about this? I'm pregnant n it's very stressful for me
I'm not moving cos I'm not the problem
She also had issues with the last tenant who was also black, she claimed he was harrassing her and played on the fact he had mental health issues to bully him.
She also accused me of having mental health issues which I have no history of. Everyone who has an issue with her is "mental"
Not everyone can move just cos of her so I'm not leaving. I want her evicted and I'm fuming she's been stealing my mail I accused the postman of doing it!

OP posts:

beginnerrunner · 24/11/2014 06:03

Anotherepisode - it's not pack mentality. The OP has responded in such a hostile, agressive and childish way that it has led people to see this isn't just coming from her unpleasant neighbour. As has clearly been said the neighbour was wrong to use racist comments but the OP is giving as good as she gets in revenge and retaliation. She has accused anyone who hasn't agreed with her as trolling. Anyway I wish her all the best. I doubt things will get any better for her until she learns a bit of give and take.

2blessed · 24/11/2014 06:21

Op, you can have your tv on at anytime you want in your home. I know you said the volume is 15/100 which is pretty low. If your neighbour has a problem with this then the walls are really thin.
Good advice re.logging incidents.
I hope things improve before your baby arrives. This kind of stress is not helpful.

The OP's neighbour is out of order for making racist comments and saying the OP should be grateful she has an ha property. Who the hell is she? None of her business.

AlpacaYourThings · 24/11/2014 06:34

The racist language is completely unaccepatble.

With regards to the other stuff, to be honest Verruca Salt OP, I think the other woman has a right to complain at you.

You sound like you are reacting to this like a child would. You are a 22 year old pregnant woman, you need to start tackling situations a lot better than this.

peasandlove · 24/11/2014 07:13

Wow Aibu strikes again. Pick at minor details in order to find the op to blame

Blu · 24/11/2014 07:14

The racist abuse is shocking and gives a strong indication if the woman's character.

Many flats have a clause a out not having hard floors above other people. Is she supposed to have carpet? This might solve the two way noise issues?

She should be considerate about walking a out in hard soles, you need to be very careful about closing doors quietly when you come in late and having the TV on at an extremely low level. We have ours at 11 or lower on e our D. In bed.

I think getting neighbours mediation through the HA will be the best way forwards. Could she get carpet and maybe you move the TV into a different room?

And she needs telling, by the HA, that racist insults are not to be accepted. I bet there is something in the the nancy agreement ?

SocialMediaAddict · 24/11/2014 08:52

The racist abuse is outrageous.

She needs to have carpets. It would drive me mad having someone stomp around. I often watch telly quietly at 3am as I suffer from really bad insomnia at times and it's the only thing that relaxes me. As she is such a nightmare maybe watch TV with headphones on after midnight for a while.

Can you check with the HA and see the rules about flooring. She needs carpets.

Original poster

Tammy1212 · 24/11/2014 08:53

Thank you for helpful answers I really do appreciate it. I just left my house to find a banana outside my door, Lol this woman is so pathetic it's unreal

OP posts:

Blu · 24/11/2014 08:55

I would call the police about that, OP.

Original poster

Tammy1212 · 24/11/2014 08:56

She has carpet surprisely and cream carpet and she walks around in her dirty boots on it! Her flat must be gross

OP posts:

2blessed · 24/11/2014 10:27

A banana? Oh hell no! Take a picture! The question will be proof that she put it there.

Babiecakes11 · 24/11/2014 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelloitsmeFell · 24/11/2014 10:35

OK, the woman sounds like a nutter, but if she can hear when you turn your TV on that's not right. Either you are constantly having it too loud or the flats are not well enough insulated and soundproofed. Can you ask someone from the HA to come and have a look? Perhaps they can do something to soundproof them better? After all, you can hear her stomping about as well.

Do you have hard flooring or carpets? All this stuff is important in flats where noise really carries.

As for all the other stuff, she is in the wrong and sounds a bit unhinged. She has no right to make racially abusive remarks and to intercept your post whether you are an annoying, noisy neighbour or not. Call 101 and log the abuse and the harrassment with the police and ask for them to have a word with her.

areyoubeingserviced · 24/11/2014 10:38

OP, I am so glad that some posters have tried to understand your plight.
Your neighbour is a racist and I cannot believe that some mumsnetters have ignored that fact and have criticised you.
Shame on those mumsnetters

HelloitsmeFell · 24/11/2014 10:42

Tammy call the police and ask them to fingerprint the banana. Seriously that is really not on at all. They will take you seriously. Good luck.

kali110 · 24/11/2014 10:55

No it's not pack mentality. People have different opinions.
I said the neighbour is clearly in the wrong for being racist.
The op also should watch tv at any time she wants, but if she is wearing earplugs and can still hear it then it is too loud.
From the way the op has replied i don't think she is not doing anything wrong here.

hellsandwich · 24/11/2014 11:01

Tammy - agree what other have said about mediation through the HA. Unlikely anything will get better without that.

As has also been said, you need to calm down a bit about this because stress isn't good for the baby. Report this morning's incident to the police. That is absolutely vile.

If it's any consolation, I've been in a similar situation with a noisy neighbour. It can send you absolutely crazy if you don't get it sorted. I know I turned into a bit of a nightmare over it because it can completely take over your life (am better now, honest!). Please don't let this happen. You have so much to be looking forward to.

Original poster

Tammy1212 · 24/11/2014 11:04

Kali yes because harrassment is obviously ok in your eyes.
The point is I could turn my tv off if I wanted to but why should I when she will not remove her boots? It works both ways. My tv is not purposely loud to annoy her it's normal volume but if she was NORMAL then I would have no issue turning it off after 10 or 11 if it really irritated her and she was nice i would do it however she is horrible. Why should I unconvinced myself and have to record my shows for her? I'm just hoping the police nick her maybe then her bully boy attitude will calm down, funny she only gets brave when her boyfriend is around, when she's alone she doesn't bang around.

OP posts:

crumblebumblebee · 24/11/2014 11:22

The racism is completely unacceptable and not defensible, no matter how annoying your neighbour might be and sorry, OP but you don't sound like the perfect person to live next door to! Not justifying her racism at all by the way, just think the other stuff is petty.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 24/11/2014 11:25

AIBU sometimes seems like a parallel universe!

OP, YANBU to be upset at this woman's appalling behaviour. The racism you are suffering is absolutely disgusting and you must be finding it very distressing. On top of that she is stealing your post which is a complete invasion of your privacy. Have you written to the HA as well as phoned them? You need to log every single incident.

HelloitsmeFell · 24/11/2014 11:32

When you asked her to stop stomping about in shoes did you do it very politely? the noise obviously really carries from flat to flat and maybe she felt that you were being unnecessarily arsey with her first?

And did you park badly?

Of course none of this justifies the racist slurs AT ALL but I'm just wondering if the pair of you have got yourselves into a locked horns situation where neither one can see that you are each being unreasonable and inconsiderate in your own way.

HelloitsmeFell · 24/11/2014 11:35

And to be fair she may not have been stomping initially, just walking around quite normally, but in flats it can sometimes sound like elephants above you.

owlbegoing · 24/11/2014 11:39

I feel I'm going to hurt her seriously she is winding me up...
Wow!
What has been your HA's response to your complaint about your neighbour?
I can understand that it must feel frustrating if they don't appear to be doing anything but you are coming across like a petulant child in the playground with the "she's making noise so I'll make noise" stance.

McSqueezy · 24/11/2014 11:41

OP, ignore the negative comments on this thread, obviously people with nothing helpful to do but nitpick and make useless comments.

If she is making racist statements, stealing your post and leaving banana skins outside your door - you take it to the police ASAP. Keep a diary if her behaviour from this point onwards, you will almost certainly need it if she carries on this way.

OwlCapone · 24/11/2014 11:45

There is no doubt the neighbour is being unreasonable but, TBH so are you and you sound like you have a serious attitude problem given the way you have responded to people here.

kali110 · 24/11/2014 11:47

I think you purposely are not reading comments properly.
I'v never said harrassment is right espicially when she is racist, but she could say you are doing the same things to her.
I'v never said turn the tv off, infact in my last comment i said you should watch it when you want or did you not see that part?
If you can still hear the tv when you have ear plugs in though then your tv is too loud for 3am!
Your neighbour will be well with in her rights to complain about you then.

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