to think if the government want more mum's in work they need to do something about childcare costs

[wheresthelight]

unplanned pregnancy so no time to save and very ill prior and during pregnancy so was signed off by work's occupational health as unfit for work. due to a variety of issues I didn't go back and dp was adamant we could afford if we tightened reigns etc. due to car issues and Christmas plus dsd's school trips we have had an expensive few months but dp still treats himself to a £5 magazine every week and pays out for a gym membership he doesn't use. I do an admittedly expensive swimming class with dd (now 15 months) but I spend nothing on myself outside of this as I have no money. we get no benefits whatsoever and although dp is on a good wage by the time bills etc is paid there isn't a lot left.

he is stressing about money and I really want to go back to work but due to childcare costs it is proving almost impossible!! nursery is £££ whilst a childminder is not so bad however the job market round here is appalling. everything is either nursing or teaching and am not qualified for either. lots of home help type jobs but due to a disability I am unable to do this but even if I could the wages mean that I would be working for nothing by the time childcare is paid which negates the point of going back to work.

how the hell do people do this??

It isn't ridiculous to suggest that childcare should be shared 50/50 between you and your partner. This is a shared problem.

And if you are expecting to be welcomed into paid employment, being a bit less chippy and learning to spell and punctuate probably won't harm your chances. Unless you have an excuse for not doing that either?

Ohh maddening thank you i didn't know about that! I wouldn't want to rely on him getting her to it but it might be more doable to have a cm first and then i could do 9-1 hours maybe so that could be a way round it if we can manage til then!

his exw has dropped two expensive school trips om us for dsd this last week which hasn't helped his mood about money! lots of unexpected expense in a short space of time has scared him I think. I have been looking for ages and applying for several jobs every week but the job market is crap round here at the moment!

I'm going to seem very mean, but you seem to have got yourself into a mindset of there being no solution. Lots of people have shared ideas, but none seem to be suitable, so you'll just have to continue as you are until your child goes to school, but by the sounds of it, then something else will crop up that means you can't work.

Try to look at it positively and options will arise. Better ware, charity bags, child minding, thomson's directory, ironing, typing, delivery driver, pizza leaflets, cleaning, birthday cake making, four hour shifts at 24 hour supermarket. People make it work because they have to.

younggirl - i can spell and punctuate perfectly well thanks but this is an Internet forum and tbh I am jot all that bothered about whether a spelling error here and there offends you

You make do op just like everybody else does.

If money is a deciding factor for you then pick a cheaper childminder send your own nappies/wipes/food and decline trips or find one that does not do trips that costs.

If you are disabled have you applied for benefits associated with that (wont help you now due to the daft 9 month backlog but for the future).

And I say that as a lone parent paying over £300 a day with no state assistance for childcare

Are you able to find a job to work around your dps job? So no childcare needed!

Yes it's an Internet forum, and as long as you can come across as less sloppy when you actually apply for jobs, fine.

However, it seems you have no intention of applying for anything or taking any of the great advice or solutions that have been offered on this board, and really just want someone to come along and say "yes, you're right, it's all too hard and you might as well give up".

If you really wanted to work you would find a way. But I guess it's much easier to bitch about how difficult everything is.

For the people getting snippy, the op does actually have a point. Childcare is expensive. Now it could be a fair price for a fair job. I genuinely don't know the details of costs to nurseries vs profit levels. That would be interesting. At £60 a day by me it is expensive. Anything else (elderly care? MH care?) at £60 a day would be seen as a lot so why not childcare?

It does prohibit people returning to work. People who were not in careers where time served equals higher salaries. And why should anybody end up working with no additional benefit or money left over after childcare? We accept that as fair and sensible?!?! Why? If men did that there would be uproar but in RL and on here it's placed as if it's the way it should be! That You should be lucky to be in that position. Really? Sorry but I don't believe that.

If salaries had not stagnated and dipped in the last eight years then £60 might not seem expensive because the monthly intake would be better. It is relational.

The standard response to ops like this "I've got it hard so so must you" doesn't enable discussion of the actual situation.

I get that your DP works nights and cannot realistically participate in childcare but you have to start planning for a career or generating an income somehow. You seem to be stuck in the mind-set of seeing everything in the short-term. Lots of women in the early years work, after childcare costs, for a pittance or just about break even but they do it because if they left their workplace there would be zero chance of getting back into the job market after taking a long career break.

Even if you only pull in £50 a week after paying childcare at least you are starting to build a working life and CV and it will get less expensive once your children are in full-time school

You need to cut luxuries and the second car(we never had a second car and still don't,we live in a rural area too) and save for childcare or do a course to get a better job.

This is your both problem not the gov,not the childcare providers or anybody else.You seem to expect to have the gain with no pain,life isn't like that.Childcare is going to cost whoever does it(sahp or a provider).That is what contraception and forward planning is for.I too had a lovely surprise in a very similar situation to yourself but it was our choice to take the risk(however tiny and unlikely) and it is thus our responsibility to fund it however hard.

Having kids costs.A life of 2 cars,gym memberships,phones etc aren't a given or one of life's necessities.It is a temporary time.In a few years time it will be easier so you muddle through,do the best you can until then.

boomtown - I do sympathise with the costs. We pay over 100 quid a day for my DH's mum to be cared for at home (and my DH gets up several times every night with her because we can't stretch to overnight care as well). To afford this, I have had to take a job which means I am overseas much of the time. It sucks, yes, but there is no way it is anyone's responsibility other than ours.

Life is hard and the OP does not seem prepared to suck it up for a few years for a longer term benefit, which is the general consensus here I think.

Could you retrain to do something that would suit? When we had the DCs we knew that things would have to change so both shuffled our situations round to suit. It was hellish and took a while to get there, we cut our cloth etc etc. Its what you have to do when you decide to have children.

Re childcare costs
You don't have to pay for a full day or a full week
Of the 50 children at my nursery only a handful are fulltime.most patents work and have a variety of hours. Some work fulltime and some part time
The fees the parents pay range from £700 a month to 0
We offer a range of options from a full day to a 3 hr slot and even offer term time contracts. We arewell aware tthat cost of childcare is a major issue for parents. We don't want to price ourselves out of the market.
Some of our parents pay no childcare costs as we offer the 15 hours over 2 days and this enables some parents to work with no outlay for childcare. Some parents use family/ friends and nursery to enable them to work longer and still have no childcare costs
I get the feeling that the op is just putting up barriers because there are ways to work without high childcare costs, you just have to he a bit creative to work them out.

I would be astonished if you could get elderly or mental health care with the same ratios for under £60 per person per day. Care for my grandma at home was costing my DPs £30k a year but that was 24/7. Nursery even in the expensive south east is £15k a year for one DC.

I think the government should be focusing on economic growth and growing wages, not further depressing salaries for childcare workers.

I am not putting up barriers honestly! I spent hours looking into it when I was trying to negotiate going back to work at the end of my maternity leave.

I would love to find a nursery that works around things like yours does however around here they are very strict about sessions and when the 15 hours kicks in it is done so over 5 days with no compromise as thus washing of the questions I asked as it would make far more sense to be able to do that in the short term til she turns 3 and then look at upping my hours when that kicks in (CMs round here don't seem to be registered for the 15 hours unfortunately).

I have looked into the options but I cannot get a place til I know what hours I would be working and likewise it's difficult to say yes to a job when I don't know if i can cover the hours. I am hoping to use a cm as I would much prefer her to be in a home environment as well as being the cheaper option marginally

was one grrr bloody autocorrect

Could you use a babysitter (advertised on Gumtree or something - obviously be careful!) or ask a friend to look after DC while you are having job interviews. Once you get a job you'll know your work patterns and be able to plan childcare better.

covering the interviews isn't such a huge issue to be honest as my fil would probably cope for an hour here of there but he genuinely isn't fit enough to do much more. we have moved to a new area to be nearer dp's older kids so I don't know anyone outside my swimming group which is when am reluctant to give it up and would prefer to try and get something. there is a cm in fil's village who emailed me via childcare.Co.UK so hoping that she can take dd if and when I get something but it just feels like there is so much going against you when your kids are younger than school age!

despite having a good degree I haven't managed to get a high paying job and until meeting dp have always lived alone or supported my exh who was a lazy git and scraped by so cutting my cloth isn't an issue although dp does struggle! but we need the odd treat and I spend nothing on myself other than dd's swimming and I am not prepared to compromise on that.

because it's easier to paint me as a selfish lazy cow apparently!!

there are lots of ways that the government could help make childcare affordable without raising taxes or cutting workers pay, but it's easier to assume I want so wine else to foot my bill

If your partner earns too much for you to get any Child Benefit, even if he pays the maximum CSA rate for his other children, will he not still come out with nearly £3000 per month after tax? Obviously I don't know your/ his other outgoings but surely would he be able to absorb some of the costs of childcare from his wage? If you aren't married it would probably be good for you to work in order to be able to support yourself independently if anything were to happen to your relationship.