Strangers touching my baby!

[Reddottys12]

Why do complete strangers think it's ok to come up to me in the street and touch my baby? It's always on the face or hands and he eats his hands constantly so goodness knows the germs he's picking up.

Today, someone I've met only once before decided she must hold my 4 month old and then constantly kissed his head. This really annoyed me and i feel really crossed some sort of boundary. She's a stranger to me and my son and I feel kisses are reserved for family and good friends!

What do I say or do when this happens and not sound like a cow or a paranoid mother?

I feel that it's an imposition to simply grab a baby or to touch....you should wait until invited or ask permission. It's that simple. Just because they're attractive, small and helpless does not mean that they're fair game.

Their parents are their advocated and guardians...it's up to them.

4 months old is very young. OP can be forgiven for being a bit twitchy i think, and will probably relax about this soon. I was a bit funny about my DD4 being touched by strangers when she was younger.

Now she's nearly 10 months and crawling and cruising around the place touching the floor, sitting on the door mat, biting touching the cats tail etc. i have chilled about strangers touching her occasionally.

I have been known to touch a baby's hand .

Now my babies are all grown up, are taller than me, go to bed much later than me and reach me things down from high shelves... I find myself smiling at babies.

I know a couple of people who take anti bac wipes and clean their babies after strangers have touched them! One lady would get them out in front of the 'offender' and clean the child while they were still there.
Personally I didn't really like people touching my children as babies but I did love people fawning over them. I mean once they're crawling about they're getting into contact with all manner of germs and things anyway.
I will mention though that when dd1 was maybe 3, I was out with her and an old man walked up to her and told me he just wanted 'to touch her' and that did worry me. I moved her away and said no, nothing rude just that I didn't want to him to, cue him going off on one at me that I was accusing him of being a criminal, a paedophile etc...

Yabu.babies love being touched and with good reason.
Human touch is not just emotionally important.It has also been shown to be fundamentally important to normal brain and physical development.
Just google it if you don't believe me!

YANBU about the touching. I think it's weird too, I'd never just touch a stranger, child or not, because I wanted to. It's odd to think what I want should come before what they or their parents would want, I just wouldn't dream of it.

I happily interact with other people's children with a smile or a wave. I just wouldn't touch them! Seems rude!

Over time you will probably relax a bit about the germs though. They're everywhere, no escaping them!

I wouldn't like that either specially kissing him wtf! Babies are beyond cute but ew man lol I would say something like he's ill so don't get near him or something

MrsGoslingWannabe:"You have to remember some of these people may very lonely and hardy get any physical affection like a hug. Cuddling a baby can be wonderfully therapeutic."

I'm sorry, but that seems a terrible reason for cuddling a baby. People shouldn't just be used for other people's purposes like that. Babies as therapy for loneliness seems unfair on the babies concerned, no? The baby can't be asked if it'd be OK to cuddle. No possibility of consent. Ask me for a cuddle if you're lonely. I'll oblige, no worries. (I give great cuddles, and hugs too.) Don't cuddle people without their consent, though. And keep away from babies, please, whether you're lonely or not.

The other thread was interesting. A large majority think it just fine to do what they will with children they have no relationship to and will brook no argument. Do be careful, OP; the cuddlers will be after you!

You will look back in a year and realise how precious you've been over this. In a few months time when he's licking the walls, floors and patio doors all in the space of 60 seconds you'll realise a few hand germs were nothing to worry about.

I think I must be missing the precious gene. When DD was tiny I used to love people cooing over her. I practically shoved her into the faces of passers by saying "look at my child and how beautiful she is. I bet you are dying to hold her because she's so beautiful" looking back now she looked like a jacket potato with currants for eyes

The baby can't be asked if it'd be OK to cuddle.
Seriously?
All the babies I've met were really good at making everyone aware if they were displeased.

Babies are just gorgeous!
Stop being such a scrooge and let people enjoy the beauty of your baby. The world's so messy and everyday life is a struggle for many people, but one look at a baby and everything becomes wonderful! Sigh...

CuriousOranj:
"All the babies I've met were really good at making everyone aware if they were displeased."

Sure. After the fact. Physical contact needs consent before it takes place. No? And babies can't give prior consent, either in law or in fact.

Dorasee don't be so fucking ridiculous. Your desire to touch someone else's baby does not trump someone else's desire to STOP YOU DOING THAT>

Fucking maddening.

I had this today - was out walking with my 2 month old in sling and inside my coat. A very friendly older man goes "ooh, is that your baby?" then actually went to open my coat to have a look at him. I sort of side-stepped and mumbled something about how I've just got him to sleep. I know he was just being genuinely friendly but seriously, I'm not letting total strangers go inside my clothes uninvited just because there's a cute baby in there. Who is asleep and doesn't want to be poked. I'm more than happy to let people i know have a cuddle mind, I'm always offering him round.

YANBU. I once had to physically remove some woman (stranger in a shop)'s fingers from tiny DS1's mouth and give her a right bollocking because he has a compromised immune system. I'd seen her smoking outside the shop too beforehand. Not such an issue with DS2 as he went bonkers if anyone but me touched him for the first 3 months of his life . I do think it's rude.

It never bothered me people holding d.d and snuggling her.
Not so much human babies but if you have a puppy or a kitten then I'm coming for a snuggle.

I've got déjà vu ...thought I'd read this earlier

Completely agree OP, at 4 months and especially if PFB. i have hated strangers or even people I know if ill, touching my baby. I was hyper sensitive with my first baby, but less so with second, as the first gives do many germs to the baby now.... Constantly poorly, which is shit.

Anyhow the immune system isn't fully developed at 4 months and if you're FF it's even worse. People shouldn't touch unless invited.

When they get older... Toddler age, I think it's fine (in innocent ways). Part of life.

I would deal with it, by using forward facing pram or wrap plus keep your body in way. I.e. all body blocking ways, not overt or verbal. If anyone does reach in, block them with your hand subtlety, or if their over zealous, say your baby has been unwell lately and your conscious of further illness.nothing worse than a poorly grissly baby, especially when your not getting much sleep anyhow

I feel a little deflated that we now live in a world where someone wanting to appreciate the joy of a newborn in their arms is seen as inappropriate or sinister. A baby may not be able to consent but to that baby being held by a friendly lady in the supermarket is no different to being held by grandma, yet we'd never tell our mums to bog off because baby can't consent. Honestly I think people are completely overthinking this (except a previous poster who's baby had a compromised immune system thats of course an exception).

Seriously it won't be long before strangers are rolling their eyes at your tantruming toddler in public so enjoy the appreciation while it lasts!

Chippy that's an emotive way to make those who DON'T feel happy about strangers handling their children feel guilty.

I don't feel guilty that I wouldn;t hand my babies over to any Tom, Dick or Harriet who came along and wanted "a go" because babies are cute.

There's nothing wrong with listening to your instinct and not allowing people you do not know, hold, stroke, pat or kiss your tiny baby.

I've had complete strangers hold out their arms with a stupid grin on their face as though "Baby = Free For All"

It doesn't.

What a sad day and age we live in. Depressing thread

What's more depressing is that some people are happy for children and babies to have absolutely no rights over their own selves.

Back in the bad old days, babies and children were treated badly by people who got away with it because they didn't have any rights...not in the same way as adults do.

it's not depressing. It's right. If the Mother or Father don't want someone to handle their child then they should be allowed to say so without expecting to be called uptight on conversations like this one.

I agree MrsGosling. Bodyblocking???WTF. Nature makes babies look and smell nice so that they will be cared for. The reason their heads smell so lovely is so adults will want to protect and nurture them and ensure the survival of the species. It is all down to human nature.