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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lie on the bed next to the baby if it helps him nap

33 replies

SneakretSanta · 22/11/2014 15:57

He's four months old and is getting over a rotten cold which has made him very clingy and his sleep is shot to bits. I've finally got him to have a nap (he's been screaming with tiredness since lunchtime, having barely slept last night and refused to nap this morning) by feeding him to sleep on the bed next to me with white noise going full blast. We're moving house next week and I have not packed a thing. DM has just turned up to 'help' and burst in rattling bin bags (Angry) and demanding I get up and do things as 'he'll have to learn, and you'll have to stop using him as an excuse to lie about!' Every time I move he half wakes up though and starts crying. AIBU to ask her to make herself a cuppa and wait til he's at least had an hour and then I'll try to extricate myself and start packing? She thinks so...

OP posts:
ProbablyMe · 22/11/2014 15:59

Not U at all!! Barricade the door shut and stay where you are!!

RhinestoneCowgirl · 22/11/2014 16:00

YANBU - he's a little baby and he's ill!

I have some lovely memories of family naps when DS was a toddler and DD was newborn, we all needed a rest.

Littlefish · 22/11/2014 16:00

Of course you're not being unreasonable. She is being horrid.

Tell that you really appreciate her help, but you will not be able to start packing until x o'clock. Tell her that she is free to start if she wishes, or she can just put her feet up with a cup of tea until you appear.

If she flounces off, then just let her.

NaiceNickname · 22/11/2014 16:00

Oh tell her to piss off. You will get nothing at all done with an overly tired just recovering 4 month old on your hands, of course you should let him sleep even if that means lying with him. Hope he manages a decent nap, and you manage not to pull one of those binbags over MILs head Wink

NaiceNickname · 22/11/2014 16:01

DM sorry, not MIL!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/11/2014 16:01

Tell her to sod off, is she usually a nasty cow to you?

RedPony · 22/11/2014 16:01

Yanbu. My Ds is also 4 months and has a nasty cough and cold and is very clingy to me.apart from bed times and when iv gone to the loo etc iv hardly put him down as he cries if i do. He's poorly and he needs his mummy. Housework and other stuff can wait

teeththief · 22/11/2014 16:02

I miss those days. Tell her to do one and dont you dare move from the bed!

GetTheRedOut · 22/11/2014 16:02

YANBU, he's 4 months old and he's sick. DM is being unnecessary.

MsBug · 22/11/2014 16:05

Stay where you are. Dd went through phases of only sleeping on me, she would wake up as soon as I moved. Just use it as an excuse to get some rest.

Original poster
SneakretSanta · 22/11/2014 16:10

She has declined cuppa and gone to 'sort out' my books. I have no idea why this entails the enormous amount of thumping I can now hear. MIL, meanwhile, for whoever mistook DM for her, thinks the most helpful things she could do this week is take him out for the day to visit 'a few of her friends'. It doesn't matter that he's breastfed ('he's old enough now to have the odd bottle- I can't believe you're depriving me of feeding him!') and has never spent longer than an hour away from me ('he'll have to learn' - what is it with that phrase?!), and HAS A STINKING COLD. Argh.

Binbags over heads indeed.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/11/2014 16:12

Your baby's been poorly and out of sorts. If he drops off to sleep better with you beside him and you know he's going to be sparkier for a good snooze it seems perfectly sensible.

Have you tried using a sling? You have to choose carefully so you feel comfortable but it can give you more freedom to move and he will enjoy the close contact.

Meanwhile no reason his granny can't make herself a cup of tea and wait twenty minutes. She should know babies don't pick their moment to be ill or out of sorts.

MollyHooper · 22/11/2014 16:13

Are you moving to get away from them?

I hope it's far enough, they sound like arseholes.

dalek · 22/11/2014 16:14

Do what makes you both comfortable and happy. My dd is 14, towers above me, but has been suffering with really bad stomach cramps all week. She asked me to lie with her as it helps her sleep - I have lain with her for an hour every night this week!

The time with your children is SO precious - if they can't trust you to do things to make them feel better what's the point!

Original poster
SneakretSanta · 22/11/2014 16:18

Donkeys we have a connecta which is great, but he'll only really sleep in it with DP. For some reason with me he either peeps out the side or just gets angry, possibly milky smell related. Thought about trying a wrap but they're slightly scary...

And Molly we currently live right next to DM and about half an hour from MIL. Will be about twenty mins from both as of next week , but have a five year plan to move to the other end of the country. Can't think why... Grin

OP posts:
zzzzz · 22/11/2014 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ameliadoop · 22/11/2014 16:21

YANBU. Tell her you're sorry but she'll have to go, your baby is ill, you're both knackered and need to rest.

funnyvalentine · 22/11/2014 16:37

My daughter's a whole year older and I'm writing this while lying next to her sleeping. She's also poorly and keeps waking when I try and move. I think that when they're ill, sleep's important. And if I can have a lie down at the same time, then that's even better!

jenniuol · 22/11/2014 18:19

I still wanted my mum to sleep in beside me if I was ill till I was about 17 Grin I'm now married with a child of my own and when I was very unwell earlier this year I made dh phone my mum and get her to come! In my defence I was just about delirious with a v high temp. Poor wee baby, of course he wants you close.

Iggi999 · 22/11/2014 18:36

Nip this rudeness to you in the bud now if you can. She's calling you lazy and undermining your feeding choices.

WilburIsSomePig · 22/11/2014 18:55

Hell no, not unreasonable at all. Do what gets you through!

Krytes42 · 22/11/2014 18:56

Stay where you are and let him sleep as much as you can. "he'll have to learn" - he will be more and more independent as he gets older anyways. There's no reason to force a tiny baby to be away from you now, especially when he's sick.

Sleepingtom · 22/11/2014 19:01

I co-sleep til anyway so would obviously say no. But more to the point, you have a four month old and last I heard advice is for you to rest when they sleep. Don't feel shoehorned into doing things, or seeing people, that can wait.

ScrumpyBetty · 22/11/2014 19:04

You are absolutely NBU and she has got no right to make comments to you such as 'he should have the odd bottle' and that you should leave him to it. Your baby, you decide how to bring him/ her up. End of story.

RedToothBrush · 22/11/2014 19:06

Sleep is the best way to heal quickly.

I take it your mother is volunteering to look after him screaming instead then. Or to stay tonight to deal with him if he wakes, like you did last night.

Thought not.

In which case, its not her business to comment as she doesn't have to deal with him. Nor is she sleep deprived.

4 months old don't have to learn that type of lesson. They don't have that capacity. 4 month old need Mum and Sleep. And that's about the extent of it.