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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let this one drop?

45 replies

in2theblues · 19/11/2014 19:59

DH had a PPI repayment into his account two weeks ago - just over 1.5k. So we got a new cooker; a few other bits and pieces. Paid some bills and gave our DSs a ton each.

Last night an unexpected bill came in via email. I asked if the PPI would cover it for now. He's got nothing left when there should be over £700. I asked where it had gone and his immediate response was 'I didn't gamble it'. Eh!? Who mentioned gambling? The thought actually never crossed my mind.

Little bit of squeaking later, and him with lying eyes on all the way, I got his account and password out of him - he promised that he'd only 'tried to log on'. I constructed a 'self imposed' five year ban from all casinos right in front of him.

Went to work today still cross. Money is gone, lying is proved, as I looked into his internet history, ban is imposed. Not a thing has been mentioned since I got home.

We're living on just my part time income as he's not fit to work following illness. The money was supposed to see us warm through the winter. He's not a gambler in day to day terms but fancies himself as a bit of a hustler.

Should I torture him with sarcastic digs to eternal hell, have it out once and for all or just drop it?

OP posts:
grumpyoldgitagain · 19/11/2014 20:02

Personally I would be having it out once and for all and torturing with sarcastic digs in the process

grumpyoldgitagain · 19/11/2014 20:03

But I'm sure someone much more sensible than me will be along with advice soon

WipsGlitter · 19/11/2014 20:08

He's gambled away £700 Shock

Calloh · 19/11/2014 20:08

Has he form for this sort of thing and is he apologetic?

If he is genuinely apologetic and hadn't done it before then I would try to let it go (but my god I'd find it hard).

If he's done it before or doesn't seem remorseful then there would have to be a series of long conversations and probably a separating of finances.

I would try and avoid sarcastic digs as they usually just make the person feel more justified and less contrite.

Jolleigh · 19/11/2014 20:11

Have it out with him. Have you let this type of thing drop before???

DoJo · 19/11/2014 20:15

I would have it out with him - how dare he spunk away money that the family needs on something that didn't even benefit him and then lie about it right to your face (and only when you asked him, not coming clean immediately)?! That would put me over the line of 'pissed off' and into 'seriously reconsidering relationship' territory. What has he had to say for himself thus far?

pauline6703 · 19/11/2014 20:16

If you are sure you have blocked him from gambling again then let it drop and work on being together. I think your relationship is worth more that £700 (I know mine is priceless)

angelohsodelight · 19/11/2014 20:23

At least have it out with him.... What a selfish arse.

bodhranbae · 19/11/2014 20:32

He pissed away £700.

I'd kill him. Slowly. With Paddington stares.

Original poster
in2theblues · 19/11/2014 20:32

I'm sure I have blocked him from gambling again. He's such an arse though isn't he?

If I say anything he'll deny it. I'm too busy to provoke more squeaking and lies and it wouldn't get us anywhere anyway.

I know how easy it is to be sucked into internet gambling as I once spent £10 of my birthday money on stupid bingo when I was feeling sorry for myself that he was down the pub. All that 'free credit' - what a rip off. You have to win more than 'they' give you before you can even start getting your own stake back - or something like that.

I regret that tenner but it taught me something for sure. These people are so keen to call or chat live - well they would be. I banned myself instantly and that's how I knew how to do it last night.

As for £700 being worth more than a relationship; there isn't one.

It breaks my heart though that my friends and relatives had been so generous with money when he was at death's door. It's like what he's done is negating all that.

I'm sure he thought he'd win a life changing jackpot but that never happens.

I hate gambling.

OP posts:
KnackeredMuchly · 19/11/2014 20:33

Have a look on gambling anonymous website - they will have advice on how to 'ban' yourself from casinos and online gambling websites (if you put in a request to be barred, they have to do it)

It will have a list of who to contact and what to say.

AllOutOfNaiceHam · 19/11/2014 20:39

You are way calmer about this than I would be.

Leeds2 · 19/11/2014 20:42

I would be beyond livid. No real advice though. other than to wonder about the relationship if he refuses to apologise/discuss the matter.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 19/11/2014 20:45

Id be asking him what he plans to sell to recoup.some of that money - does he have any personal luxuries (golf equipment, ipad, xbox)?

ceeveebee · 19/11/2014 20:50

I'm not sure you can self-exclude from all online operators at once, each operator has its own list of self-exclusions and they don't share that with each other (unless you are not in UK as some countries do have a central list)

ThreeQuartersEmpty · 19/11/2014 20:55

He hasn't even apologised?
And you're too busy to express how you feel about it?

That's not going to happen again then is it? All sorted.

Original poster
in2theblues · 19/11/2014 20:58

Thank you for making me laugh re: 'golf equipment' - alas no. He's a rock star, a high roller, an entitled little Italian boy who is currently queuing up biscuits to stuff into his mouth.

This man has never matured beyond 7yo. I blame his mother, who, if you chucked her into a lake would bob about like a ping pong ball.

OP posts:
Original poster
in2theblues · 19/11/2014 21:21

I have to let it drop tonight - up at 5:30.

I will have such revenge,
That all the world shallI will do such things,
What they are, yet I know not: but they shall be
The terrors of the earth.

I.E. very grumpy.

OP posts:
ThreeQuartersEmpty · 19/11/2014 23:50

Nah, you're not that bothered. Not a big deal.

Hatespiders · 20/11/2014 08:58

Good grief, that's a whole winter's worth of oil for us, and one car's Road Tax too. Blimey! I think I'd explode and then commit murder. No, I couldn't let this pass, I'd have to have a huge go at him. But seriously, I think I'd be re-evaluating the relationship. The way you describe him he sounds like a liability. Sorry.

Nanny0gg · 20/11/2014 09:07

How long have you been together? It's a bit late to be blaming his mother...

Phalenopsis · 20/11/2014 09:10

I'd hit the roof and would not let it drop. You sound far more laid back than I am OP.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/11/2014 09:11

I wouldn't play games and make digs. but I couldn't live with someone who could gamble away money like that. You don't loose 700 pounds that quickly and not have a problem. and that problem isn't solved by blocking accounts. your extremely mistaken if you think. That's going to.stop him.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/11/2014 09:13

It's not about the money. It's the lies can you live with those.

HellKitty · 20/11/2014 09:21

I used to work in the gambling industry and it is hideous. He'll be getting emails from the casino offering all manner of amazing offers to come back. You need to log on and self impose a ban on the sites. Have a look at gambling aware websites and info and keep an eye on him, he may think that he can chase the lost money and make it all up and more with one big win. It never happens, there is always, 'just one more spin'.

He needs to let you see all emails until you can trust him again.