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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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151 replies

Justanothermummyof3 · 19/11/2014 14:50

I was wondering what is the average amount a parent spends per child on Christmas presents? Me and dh don't seem to beable to agree on this and children seem to always end up with to much. This year we have cut back a bit and budgeted for £500 main presents and around £75 stocking, is this out of control?????????

OP posts:
Original poster
Justanothermummyof3 · 20/11/2014 06:33

Beadybaby thank you for your understanding and your right my dd is dependent on these items for her schooling and to make her life as normal as possible, I guess the rest of the world don't understand as they don't deal with the day to day struggles Ishe faces. To the poster that said put money into a savings account for a car at 18, that's a brilliant idea apart from my daughter won't ever be able to drive her vision is to poor. I have hoped from a baby it would improve as she grew but no such luck. Hoping that medicine will advance some what over the next 10 years or so and there will be some sort of treatment developed to help her sight. Thanks again for your replies if anything has made me realise that I think my family is perfect the way it is.

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 20/11/2014 07:13

OP, sorry about your daughter's difficulties. But there really is no point posting on AIBU if you are not ready to accept the answer.

slithytove · 20/11/2014 08:01

Car is just one suggestion, she may want a holiday, or a house deposit.

Just saying you may not always have this much money, and if there is nothing your kids need, it might be worth keeping some of that money for the day they do need something big. Often toys at this age are not used for a lifetime.

Theorientcalf · 20/11/2014 09:47

I agree, instead of just buying them endless 'stuff' why aren't you saving for their future? University or a house deposit.

Your DH rushing out to buy £300 of Lego because your DD happened to say she liked it is frankly, ridiculous.

How many toys etc do they need?

Chumpster · 20/11/2014 09:53

While you need to think about budget so you don't overspend and go into debt, I don't think it matters how much you spend, it's about whether you are really happy with the pressies that you're getting for them. As well as whether the pressies will make my children happy, I think about whether there will the right amount of pressies for them to open on the day (not too many or too little) and whether I would be giving them so many toys that they would become spoilt (v unlikely on my budget, but you know what I mean)...

So thinking about how much to spend is, in a way, the wrong place to start. How about writing a list of ideas that you feel really excited about giving and then choosing a number of these pressies that you feel is the right amount.

Szeli · 20/11/2014 10:33

i'm spending around £50 all in for my toddler - but so are my mum and gran

i am 'below the poverty line' or some other such crap but even with more money i wouldnt spend it this way. i imagine as he gets older it'll bump up to around the £75-£100 mark

BuzzardBird · 20/11/2014 10:45

Well, welcome to MN anyway.

FelixTitling · 20/11/2014 10:46

When my dc's where tiny I hardly spent anything on them. The amount has increased over the years. This year will be the most we have spent (about $150-$200 each), but I feel it's justified as they had so little spent on them when they were little.

Also, we haven't decided an amount to spend, we've considered what they want first, and then thought about how far to go with it.

Original poster
Justanothermummyof3 · 20/11/2014 11:02

Thanks everyone. We do save each month for all 3 childrens future and will always continue to that's not what I wanted advice with, just wanted to know if there was an average amount anyone knew of that a parent spent per child at Christmas. I never wanted it to get personal it was a general question not asking you what you spent. I'm new to this so may have posted wrong I don't know but don't think will bother again! I can assure you my childrens future is very well planned for financially and they are all beautiful, out going well behaved children that me and dh are proud to say their ours and at the end of the day that's all that matters to me.

OP posts:
Theorientcalf · 20/11/2014 12:06

You haven't posted wrong so don't let it put you off. Aibu is a tough place, you might like the other topics more. You won't always get the answer you want to hear, but you might get the answer you need to hear.

chainedtothedesk · 20/11/2014 12:39

Sounds a lot to me but will depend on your income and possibly the ages of your children. I think some years we do spend more than others, e.g. this year my son is getting a bike, last year he didn't.

(Just because I'm nosey) I'd be interested to know - do people feel obliged to spend the same on all your children (presuming you have more than one) and just spend to make it fair and equal? Some years one child may need a more expensive present .e.g a laptop or bike, but the other(s) might not?

ilovespaint · 20/11/2014 14:45

Sounds ridiculous amounts to me, and I wouldn't even say "spend what you can afford" either, as some people have. Clearly you CAN spend what you want, but I don't think it's good for children to have everything they want.

I'd prefer to get one present per child that they would really love. I spend hours thinking of what will give them most pleasure, then generally spend between 30-40 per child. I probably spend a little more on each stocking but that's stuff like PJs, underwear, books, sweets, stationery etc so not massively indulgent, I don't think.

FrenchJunebug · 20/11/2014 14:47

that's too much! Am spending £50 on my 3.5 year old.

StillSquirrelling · 20/11/2014 15:00

Holy crap! Is that PER CHILD??????? (< There are some more ?s to keep all of yours company Grin )

I don't actually know what I spend per child, as I make a list of stuff and buy it through the year. It probably adds up to less than £150 per child including stocking though.

Wow. £575 a child. I'm a bit gobsmacked to be honest. I'd rather put the £1725 (I have 3 kids) towards our holiday next year, or perhaps some new stables or something equally as useful Confused

StillSquirrelling · 20/11/2014 15:07

do people feel obliged to spend the same on all your children (presuming you have more than one)

chained - I was having this discussion with DH last week. I generally buy presents that I know the kids will love. Sometimes it means I spend a bit more on one child than the other but they don't know that. This year I have bought DD1 (almost 7) a sewing machine because she really wants one. I managed to pick it up from John Lewis for the princely sum of £12.50 by sheer fluke but it does mean that I'll also spend a bit less on the rest of her presents now.

What I said to DH, and he agreed, was that it ought to be about perceived value, rather than actual, monies paid, value. You might, as I did, pick up something that's usually quite expensive in a sale for one of your children. I think that the other children should therefore get a bit more in terms of their presents to make it fair. DD1 has a January birthday so it means I am often able to pick up things quite cheaply in the sales but I always make sure the other two get a similar actual value for their birthdays.

At Christmas I make sure each child has the same NUMBER of presents because they usually count! That might mean wrapping up several similar things (like books for instance) in the same parcel. They don't mind that though - as long as they each have the same number of wrapped ones to begin with they don't really care!

LisaMed · 20/11/2014 15:08

Grumble, grumble, grumble...

Ds (nearly eight)'s room is filled with toys, mountains of the things. He has two full sized Billy bookcases which both have all but two shelves stuffed with books (other two shelves are toys). His birthday is within a few days of Christmas so by New Year's Day the house is a mound of STUFF

I was hoping to keep it to £50 for each of birthday/Christmas but it is creeping upwards. Sigh. As for that amount! Last year ds got a pc which was to do with massive amounts of other circumstances. I couldn't bring myself to pay that out every year. I clearly explained that if he got that he really wouldn't get that every year.

I plan to go to Wilkinsons & The Works the week before and just grab about a tenner's worth in each. I've looted The Book People's online store and ebay has helped out. I'm sitting on my hands now. Even if I could afford it, we have nowhere to put it.

I mean, seriously, how long to these toys last? How much play do they actually get? It just isn't value.

nancy75 · 20/11/2014 15:10

We have a version of this thread every year and every year it winds me up.
By all means say you wouldn't spend that much yourself but there is no need to be nasty about it.
Things like that's ridiculous, your children will be spoilt brats - do you really need to be so horrible about it?
lots of you haven't even read the ops posts properly - they do save for the kids future and one of their children has a visual impairment that means technology can help her lead a normal life.

DidoTheDodo · 20/11/2014 15:28

Maybe people get a little snarky about it because it sounds like boasting?

MajesticWhine · 20/11/2014 15:34

People might get snarky because the OP says, "me and dh can't agree on it, the children seem to end up with too much. is it out of control?" Everyone says "Yes", and then she says how unreasonable everyone else is. Confused

SistersOfPercy · 20/11/2014 15:54

Normally £150-£200 each, but there were only 2 of them. One has now left home so his amount is much less and at 17 DD is now reasonably hard to buy for as she has most things.
I usually get a few stocking fillers but this year we are surprising DD with the PS4 she so desperately wants and thinks she can't have until the new year. Can't wait to see her face, she's been through a lot lately with health issues so she completely deserves it. I'm going to wrap it in a much bigger box to confuse her hehe

People spend what they can afford I guess. When the kids were younger it was easier to get bogged down in buying more toys than they ever needed but as they get older they tend to want one big electrical thing instead.

iggly2 · 20/11/2014 16:04

This year we may end up spending rather a lot on DS (9) perhaps circa 800 pounds or more -as his room needs redecorating (including some furniture). DH and myself do not do presents (unless very small) for each other. He also has: TV (40 inch), Wii, X box, Kinnect, amazon prime video, tablet and I do not think he is spoilt. He is very happy.

Gawjushun · 20/11/2014 16:21

My DS is getting about £50 spent on him from us this year. We are skint. I will also make a stocking with a few little presents. TBH he gets so much stuff from his grandparents and other relatives that I don't feel spending much more on him is necessary. I'm sure as he gets older and wants brand name stuff and gadgets we will spend a bit more though.

I usually spoil him more on his birthday when it's all focused on him and there aren't a dozen nieces and nephews needing gifts and massive expenses for food, booze, and nights out to worry about.

EmilyGilmore · 20/11/2014 17:03

I'm interested to know where people put hundreds of pounds worth of stuff? Do you make your children clear space for it all? I can't imagine suddenly having to find homes for a ton of new toys. I would find it a bit oppressive actually.

NorwaySpruce · 20/11/2014 17:25

EmilyGilmore it is really easy to spend hundreds on the kind of things that don't need much/any space.

Theatre tickets, musical instruments, computers/consoles, Lego, clothes, experiences etc. Expensive, but small (except ponies maybe Xmas Grin )

It doesn't take much imagination to see that, surely?

And most people get rid of toys their children no longer use, thus freeing up space.

SistersOfPercy · 20/11/2014 18:49

Emily one lego set can cost £100+ and still be small enough to display on bedroom shelving secretly wishes DH would buy her a Lego AT AT for Christmas

When the kids were smaller we had a pre Christmas clear out around November time and take old toys to the charity shop, this freed up space for new toys.