Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask this question?

151 replies

Justanothermummyof3 · 19/11/2014 14:50

I was wondering what is the average amount a parent spends per child on Christmas presents? Me and dh don't seem to beable to agree on this and children seem to always end up with to much. This year we have cut back a bit and budgeted for £500 main presents and around £75 stocking, is this out of control?????????

OP posts:
Wishtoremainunknown · 19/11/2014 19:35

Where has someone out her down ?

Wishtoremainunknown · 19/11/2014 19:37

No one has. In fact someone said your family sounded very loving !

steppemum · 19/11/2014 19:38

for us - £50 for main present
2 or 3 presents of £10

stocking £20

Even if we had pots of money, it wouldn't go up that much, if money were no object, it would be around £150 per child for everything.

In principle I won't spend huge amounts. I think it has all become too much and a huge materialistic money fest.

If money were no object I would probably spend more on their birthday, or more through the year (but not huge amounts)

The only exception I would make is that we would spend money on haveing a computer/printer etc. that they can use. But that doesn't include ipads

QTPie · 19/11/2014 19:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

wingsandstrings · 19/11/2014 19:47

I generally spend between 30 and 50 quid for their 'main' present, and another 20 for their stocking fillers. I realise that we are highly fortunate to have that amount to spend. I try and just buy what they really would enjoy and need, not just spend to my budget's limit for the sake of accruing gifts. So last christmas I did spend 80 quid on an amazing dolls house because I was confident it would be played with for years. At the same time, the previous year I bought the same child an item second hand, for 20 quid, as it was just as good as the first hand version for 90 quid. Research shows that materialistic kids are highly unhappy . . . . I try and do everything I can to avoid them becoming materialistic. We try and focus on lovely family time, Christmas traditions we do every year (putting up the tree, walking in a particular wood etc) and being with family and friends. Perhaps other are different, but I can't remember that many toys I got as a child at Christmas, but I do remember being Christmas day fun and eating and laughing.

Original poster
Justanothermummyof3 · 19/11/2014 19:56

Thanks for the more positive posts, I do.agree that money/presents doesn't buy happiness. But we are a happy well balanced family that do a lot of activities together, mine and dh life is our family. Was just curious I guess to weather our spending was excessive and if so was this a normal thing for adults to over compensate for their own bad experiences. I took the comments about an 8 year old having an iPhone, tablet and her not appreciating anything as negative. (the mummy lion came out in me what can I say)

OP posts:
Benchmark · 19/11/2014 20:02

Ok as you asked, it's too much. They won't understand the value of money and unless you are planning on keeping this up their entire lives, they will get a nasty shock when they live in the real world and have to work for these things. I never understand spoiling kids, how will they ever appreciate anything? Or feel that excitement when they get something they've waited years to save up for? You can't buy that feeling IMO.

PrimalLass · 19/11/2014 20:02

Honestly? I think it is vulgar to spend that much, and to give your DD an iPhone at 8. You did ask.

You would be far better to put money away for their futures.

PrimalLass · 19/11/2014 20:10

Sorry, I don't think you actually said an iPhone.

We are fairly tech-ed up to be fair, and DS does have a small TV in his room for the Xbox that does have Netflix on it (but they watch one film on it on a Saturday night).

TheHatInTheCat · 19/11/2014 20:10

I think you are ruining their childhood in a different way.
I would hate to raise spoilt brats, giving them everything they want is a good way to make sure they are.
I think your dh needs therapy so he can come to terms with his childhood and have a more normal family life.

Liara · 19/11/2014 20:11

Dh had a really shit childhood.

It was, however, swamped in material objects. Christmas was really OTT, and loads and loads of presents were bought.

We don't do presents at Christmas at all. We are reasonably well off and my dc have everything they need and more, but we never indulge in what dh calls 'an orgy of consumption'.

Frankly, it makes our Christmas period rather lovely. Rather than it all being a frantic buildup (and inevitable slight letdown, because after all stuff is just stuff, and when you have too much of it you don't really value it and it certainly doesn't make you truly happy) we have a mellow, child focussed period of large roaring fires, wood gathering, baking all together, decorating the tree and the house, star watching and welcoming the new year.

I love it, though it would never have occurred to me to do it.

So I guess, yes, people do overcompensate slightly for things they disliked from their childhood.

Original poster
Justanothermummyof3 · 19/11/2014 20:12

We do put money in their trust funds each month by direct debit £50 per child and save on average. £150 a week into our savings account so it's not a financial problem at the moment. I will discuss this with dh and scale it back for next year, as I said earlier have scaled it back this year as I thought it was out of control last year. So maybe next year scale it back to £300 per child and stocking them scale back again as required would be best approach. I think if we do it all at once dc would really notice and that would upset dh and he would feel like he's let them down. Which I know he hasn't but he would see it like that.

OP posts:
londonrach · 19/11/2014 20:16

Thats alot!!! £10 per stocking and gifts less than £40 (research sister). Tbh you spend what you afford.

Rozbos · 19/11/2014 20:17

Mine are still quite young (1&3) but we will probably spends max of £100-£150 ish per child all in. We are very fortunate that we have no financial restrictions however that makes me more keen on not spoiling them, I'm concious of how easy it would be for them to want for nothing and worry that that will lead to them not appreciating what they have. I also don't buy throughout the year - I only buy toys etc at Christmas or birthdays to make it special.

DidoTheDodo · 19/11/2014 20:18

Trust funds? Scale back to £300?
Got to be a wind up.
Unless I'm just much much poorer than I thought!

madsadbad · 19/11/2014 20:23

Was Purley asking a question, and that was do adults that experienced a bad childhood over compensate with their own children

This was not your question at all, its nowhere in the OP, you mention it later.

At the end of the day spend what you want.

QTPie · 19/11/2014 20:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Justanothermummyof3 · 19/11/2014 20:27

I promise you this is not a wind up, all 3 dc where born when they government gave you £250 to open a trust fund (think it's stop since) and we made the decision to put money away each month.for university and so on. We decided £50 and have stuck to that. Dh works hard and has a reasonable job, (I stay home with dc) we have little out goings on a month to month bases as cars and so on are paid for. as said before was privileged growing up and when I lost both my lovely parents was left a large sum of money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justanothermummyof3 · 19/11/2014 20:31

Yes it's not accessible to us and will be given to dc on 18th birthday, dc know what it's for and hopefully if I've done my job right I have nothing to worry about.

OP posts:
RabbitIssue · 19/11/2014 20:34

What's up with having netflix in child's bedroom? Our dd does (9). She is only allowed to watch childrens netflix and knows that we can tell what she has been watching. Any deviation from suitable stuff would result in immediate removal. She usually just reads a book anyway. Is only allowed the TV in room at weekends.

She also has a laptop (homework), iPhone, wii, ps4 etc. don't think that makes the thread a wind up Confused

beadybaby · 19/11/2014 20:34

Justanother I also have a visually impaired little girl (waves) and I think that's what is throwing people about your daughter. Its hard for others to appreciate how tech dependant the education aids are for kids like her. I once had dreams of a 'no screens in the bedroom' rule but it just not realistic in the circumstances. (Not sure about giving her Netflix but each to their own).

I think you will have to gradually scale back on your husband's buying though if only to survive the teenage years still in a good financial position!

You could try reasoning with him that his experience of deprivation was quite extreme but he's replacing it with another extreme which is also somewhat unhealthy. What he should be trying to do is replicate the middle of the road, but largely happy lives of normal families he sees around him. Not make your home life now a reaction to his home life then, if that makes sense.

batmanandrobin · 19/11/2014 20:38

wow that's a lot of money- as pps have said spend what you can afford, but i certainly will not be spending anywhere near that much!!!!

slithytove · 19/11/2014 20:47

I don't think they will know if you've spent £300 or £500 on tree presents.

Why not try and spend less and stick the excess in their accounts? Much more useful to buy a car at 18 or use as a house deposit.

anothermakesthree · 19/11/2014 20:59

Either this is a wind up or you are a complete crackpot.

SouthernOne · 19/11/2014 21:51

In answer to the original post, as I've not read the rest, I have two kids and have always spent a lot at Christmas.

I like them to have what they wished for and any other things that I think they might like.

They are now twenty somethings and I still spend a lot.

They may have been spoilt but have never been brats, they know that we work hard for the standard of life we have and that they will have to do the same.

As long as you can afford it and don't get into debt I don't think it matters how much you spend.