To say 'F*ck it' and stop dieting?

[Fabatforty40]

I am 40 years old. I weigh 11 stone 7lb. I am 5ft 4 inches tall and I think i've decided to just say 'fuck it' and stop dieting.

I feel like I've been dieting my whole life, and I woke up on my 40th birthday (Monday) and just thought 'I can't be arsed anymore'.

I feel like I've fluctuated between the high 10's and the low 12's (as in stone) my entire adult life and what if this is the size and weight I'm supposed to be? It's just endlessly exhausting to beat myself up and compare myself to other people. To swing from 'I'm being good' to 'Oh i'll be bad and have a cake/take-away' and I just want to stop doing it.

My only worry is that I feel like I'm giving up in a way, like I could be a size 10 again if I really pushed myself and really tried to lose weight, but I'm not sure it would make me any happier.

WIBU to do this?

could you approach this from a slightly different angle and up your exercise?

I think by thinking of it as a diet you are sabotaging yourself. The word implies that you are denying yourself something so of course it's going to be difficult. If you work out the best way for you to eat healthily, with reasonable portions and the occasional treat then it's no longer 'die' with a t, it's just the way you normally eat.

If you are vaguely happy with the shape you are now, feel free to accept it but maintain that weight, don't look to go lower, only look to go no higher.

Thanks Dreaming! Yeah, I do exercise. It ranges from 3 times a week (good) to once a week (not so good) to none at all (bad week) but I do have a dog and we walk her for 30 minutes a night so I'm not totally sedentary.

I think I just feel conflicted by people at work (a lot of them younger than me) who are obsessed with dieting and calories and what they eat that it just makes me want to step away from that completely.

Enb76 - I have maintained the weight I am for the past six months or so with little effort, but like i said, I feel like I get sucked into it at work with all the younger (prettier, skinnier) girls trying to lose weight for the Christmas party.

Maybe part of this is just turning 40 too....

Nope. Do it.

I'm constantly fighting the flab too but decided in September I was just going to stop. I will start the diet thing again in the new year but I'm just trying to make sure I eat well and just not diet for the moment. It became just something else to beat myself up over and I didn't need the pressure or guilt.

Life is too short to be constantly worrying and fretting but I do think for your long term health you need to be a reasonable weight.

I was you 6 years ago.
I made it my goal to make sure I was a size 10 before I turned 41.
I joined WW and did it.
I maintained for 5 years. The last year I have put a bit back on but I'm back at Slimming World and losing it gradually and getting back to where I am 'happy'! It's the weekly weigh in that keeps me focussed.
If you are happy at 11st 7lbs then you go for it.

I know if I don't do anything then I'll just slip back to where I was.
I started at the same weight as you and I'm 5ft 3".
My happy weight is 8st something. Anything. Just as long as I'm under 9st.
I have to get another 6-8lbs off to be 'happy' again.
Stop thinking of it as a DIET. Think about looking after yourself and eating healthily.
You are allowed treats. Just not too many!

Thanks Xena - it's good to hear someone else has had the same thoughts.

I need to be able to find a balance between staying healthy, staying fit, keeping at (as you say) a reasonable weight without my life being ruled by the scales. I haven't worked out yet how to do this, but I feel like I definitely need to change my attitude to this whole area.

I did couch to 5k and it was the best thing I have done. It starts with walking a few mins and running a few mins and builds up. I got hooked and now run three times a week. I've met lots of people through it, feel great and have loads of energy.

Oh, and I lost weight

Getting fit was a revelation to me, I don't want to eat crap any more as I want to feel good. I'm 44 so you have a head start, OP.

I think this is more about turning 40.

I see where you are coming from op my dds are teens and gorgeous, flat tummies blah blah blah and sdt ones it's hard not to feel really fed up that my fertility and ability to turn heads through my looks and sexuality is starting to wane while they are just beginning on this journey.

You know what just try and be positive, eat generally healthily and excersise with enough treats.

Life is so short and I bet you look great as I think I do really but I ain't ever going to be 20 again or get rid of my stretch marks.

you appear to be in the BMI category associated with lowest mortality OP (25-30) see? so maybe that's one less thing to worry about!

Thebody - thanks, it's really refreshing to hear someone say 'actually, I think I look great'. It feels like it's always drummed into us that we need to be achieving the next size down or an unobtainable body shape or else we're past it old bags who've given up on trying to be attractive anymore.

I'm a size 14 and that's fine with me. I don't shy away from clothes, I wear what the hell I want and I actually think I look good (unless I try and contort myself into something fashionable that actually looks terrible on me) but I feel like, as a 40 year old woman, I'm not allowed to say I look good because I don't fit with the normal standards of what good looks like.

I also exercise, I eat ok-ish (maybe over-do it a bit at weekends) but I certainly don't feel unfit or unhealthy. I think it's more to do with my mindset.

I'm rambling, sorry, but this is a way of putting down all the thoughts that have been going through my head recently!

Eat healthily.
Exercise.
Don't diet. Have a healthy lifestyle.

Honestly, just stop dieting.

You've proved to yourself time and again that diets don't work long term, otherwise you wouldn't be in this position now aged 40.

Have a look at your daily diet and see if you can make some healthier improvements. Definitely look at your portion sizes, as many people don't seem to realise they're overeating because they compare their portion sizes to other over eaters.

If you can, try exercise that gets your heart pounding and makes you work up a sweat. Walking the dog is good, but it wont lose you much weight. A 30 minute a day walk is just normal and not what I think of as 'exercise' (although of course it is).

Do you drive? If so stop if you can. Just drive when it's absolutely necessary and get used to rushing about on foot.

Over time, all these little changes can make a huge difference because you would have changed your lifestyle rather than relying on diets that don't work long term.

You sound like me (I'm slightly shorter and slightly lighter).

What worked for me as far as exercise went was getting a heart rate monitor with a GPS in. It makes me feel much better about myself when I can see that I've really pushed myself, because if I compare my actual achievements to other people it's pretty pathetic - they're all faster than me and have more stamina.

Given diets don't work, yanbu.

I'm pretty much the same age, height and weight (40, 5'5 and 11.3 this morning). I won't "diet" any more but do IF (4:3) - it's a lifestyle not a diet (honestly). I am fasting M, W, F this week and I like the days that I don't have to worry about breakfast and lunch (surviving on coffee is pretty much my perfect day). I'm doing it for the health benefits - weight loss was a 'side effect' of the original trials.

You are absolutely doing the right thing - do you really want to spend the rest of your life's time and energy worrying about your weight and what you should and shouldn't be eating? 40+ bodies aren't meant to look like 20 something bodies! That's not to say they should be twice the size and unhealthy but diets do not work. Self acceptance, self esteem, staying active and enjoying a healthy diet 80% of the time is much healthier, much more enjoyable and much more fun to be around for others! A 40+ woman, comfortable in her own skin, her own style and with a love for life (including good food) can be much more attractive than an insecure, calorie obsessed 20 something with a flat tummy - and we should be setting that example for younger women, not the opposite .

It's just endlessly exhausting to beat myself up and compare myself to other people. To swing from 'I'm being good' to 'Oh i'll be bad and have a cake/take-away' and I just want to stop doing it.

OP - stop . You only get one shot at life and it's no good if you are constantly policing yourself and feeling bad or restricted.

I bet you are wonderful - time to relax and appreciate yourself!

and.. what sleepwhenidie said

And do you know what the worst thing for our health (along with excessive sugar and sleep deprivation) is? Stress! And when you are constantly policing yourself mentally around food you are promoting a stress response in your body. As trevor says, relax. When you truly do this you'll may find you naturally eat less anyway - once things stop being 'banned' they lose their appeal - and over time your body will settle at its own 'happy' and healthy weight.

x post trevor

I have decided to enjoy my life and not worry about my weight. It's just boring and unrealistic to imagine I am going to be able to live on a very reduced diet (which is what it would take now to be slim again). I am a similar age and size to you, OP, and life is definitely more enjoyable if you step off the weight-worry treadmill, wear nice clothes, walk to keep active and just let the rest of the stuff go.

And when s else fails there's always the best calories op

Cheers x

Fabatforty40

If it makes you feel any better, I am 5 years younger than you, same height, at least 2 stone heavier...and am sooo jealous of you!

At this point I would be delighted if I could sort my life, lose weight and maintain it to stay at a "best fighting weight" of 11st 7lbs....would absolutely love it. The last time in my life that i was truly happy with my body/fitness levels, I was in and around that weight, and it was a long time ago. But i felt better in clothes, looked better, was healthier, had more confidence etc. It wasnt [for me] such a bad place to be.

I know others [and to a point yourself] look at that number and what it represents, and dont like it, but there also very many people who would aspire to be right there. And from what you say, you enjoy life, enjoy wearing clothes and feel confident as long as you arent trying to be a bit too "out there" fashion-wise - it sounds great!

Dead right OP. I'm about the same height and weight and I'm sure if I really pushed myself and made myself suffer I could be a 10 again. I just can't be bothered. I eat 3 sensible meals a day with dessert sometimes. I don't snack. I just eat normally without dieting and it makes me happy. I have the odd drink too. Life is too short.