To say 'F*ck it' and stop dieting?

[Fabatforty40]

I am 40 years old. I weigh 11 stone 7lb. I am 5ft 4 inches tall and I think i've decided to just say 'fuck it' and stop dieting.

I feel like I've been dieting my whole life, and I woke up on my 40th birthday (Monday) and just thought 'I can't be arsed anymore'.

I feel like I've fluctuated between the high 10's and the low 12's (as in stone) my entire adult life and what if this is the size and weight I'm supposed to be? It's just endlessly exhausting to beat myself up and compare myself to other people. To swing from 'I'm being good' to 'Oh i'll be bad and have a cake/take-away' and I just want to stop doing it.

My only worry is that I feel like I'm giving up in a way, like I could be a size 10 again if I really pushed myself and really tried to lose weight, but I'm not sure it would make me any happier.

WIBU to do this?

Remember that getting older is great! It's much better than the alternative (black humour), so embrace it.

OP I totally feel you.

Im 32 and have been 'watching my weight' for 10 years. Ive never been over weight but Ive been close to it when I don't bother being careful. I can stay slim but its an effort and a love food. All the bad ones.

I desperately look forward to getting to an age when it just shouldn't matter any more. I see women in their 70's and 80's with a cream cake and I really look forward to that time. Guilt free eating.

In the same vein, Ive seen very slim 60+ year old women and it isn't a good look.

I don't want to be this slim when Im above 60 anyway, and I certainly don't want to be dieting.

I fear I will still be watching what I eat at 40 though tbh, its no that far down the line.

diets don't work anyway, long term.

So just eat nice normal food, without "gorging" on treats and you may find you even lose weight.

You can even eat occasional cream cakes and chips etc, just not every single day.

To offer a slightly different perspective: I am your exact height. To be in your 'healthy weight' range, you only have to lose a stone. If I were you, I would try to do this just for health reasons and then maintain it by eating normally. Being a size 10 really doesn't matter - I am a 12 at 10.7 stone and I look fine! the only way I can ever lose weight is by really upping the exercise and just eating sensibly. I don't believe in faddy diets and they don't work. But more exercise and a reasonably healthy diet can't be a bad thing!

Please line up the and for me and you, please,and extra portions all round plus for the posters who are telling you to love yourself, as you are now.not some mythical never-to-be-achieved image of what random pedlars of diets/exercise regimes etc. are touting this month.grrrrr.

Practically, if you can do whatever you do in life without undue breathlessness, if your bp and cholesterol levels are ok,then, the problem is?

Get checked over by your GP, if your 'vitals' are ok with her, that's all you need to know.

Fashion embraces the Larger Lady, btw, we don't all have to be size 8-10. To look effin fabulous

And I hit sheer gold when I found a West Indian dressmaker serving my local W.I. Community. Not only does she make my clothes in vibrant colours (to counteract the sheer greyness of an English winter?) but she also makes curry goat I bring home, thereby guaranteeing my continued custom

So find a shop/whatever for your clothes?

Check your vital levels with your gp, natch, and then, all things being equal, go with how you are and what makes you happy

Isn't this what this living malarkey all about?

Oh, and ditch those effin' scales. Work of the Devil, they are

named the trouble is 'healthy weight' range is actually pretty arbitrary and there is increasing evidence to show that it doesn't correlate with mortality rates, as mitchy's post showed, your best chance seems to be to fall into the 'overweight' category, especially if you are older. It's better to be relaxed, active and have a healthy diet and be 'overweight' (as BMI chart defines it) than stressed and veering up and down on diets that are often not the best for you nutritionally.

Hi
I'm 38 and that's what I weighed before being preg. I'm the same height as you. God knows what I will weigh after but I'd be happy to go back to that weight which put me as a 10-12. Don't be too hard on yourself.
It might help to think "I am going to eat healthy". Ie for more energy, better sleep, less bloating, better moods etc.
I can recommend Marks Daily Apple site. Rather than the weight watchers type approach which leaves you focussing on scales and numbers, this is more about good food and good habits.
PS there is a www where you can see what other people your weight and height look like.

Think it is "my body gallery"

Sleepwhenidie - yes I agree with what you say and a lot depends on body shape too. For me though, I look and feel less healthy if I am over what happens to be the BMI 'right weight' range.
The only point I was making was that, at the same height, I find 10 and a half stone achievable without having to do any yo-yo dieting. But I know everyone is different.

I stopped dieting 2 yrs ago
I had dieted most of my adult life to remain between 10 st and 10 4

Chickenme I have just clicked on My Body Gallery (link here ) and I could cry with happiness. It's amazing - all these women the same size and weight as me looking amazing.

OP I recommend you look at it! I bet you find lots of amazing women and hopefully that will help you to realise that you also look fab already

It's so unhealthy to be constantly dieting.

I'd give it up. Focus on eating the foods you like, no "bad" foods. The idea that food can be good or bad is so inherently troubling. In time you learn what your body needs and the size you're meant to be.

Good luck op. It's so tough undoing the "diet" mentality but it's so worth it

I've never seen that body gallery before but it really hits home! I feel like I'm usually in a good place body image-wise (although I'm currently pregnant and feel like I might struggle as I get bigger) but to be able to compare other people who are the same size and age and height... And I feel like they all look thinner than me! It's so troubling the way we can see ourselves.

I agree, it's a great site, the body gallery. Mirror work - actually scrutinising ourselves properly (ideally naked) in a full length mirror for 5 minutes a day, every day for a month and changing the usual critical voice picking on 'flaws', to a neutrally observing or preferably a complimentary one, finding things to like/love/be proud of - can also be a great way of changing your body image. Our perceptions of our own bodies are usually horrible, we judge others much less harshly - crazy when you think about it.

Thanks guys, I feel truly overwhelmed and a bit teary at all these lovely, heartfelt responses.

Namedilemma - whilst I really appreciate your response, I feel like you might have missed my point slightly. Yes, I could lose a stone and be considered 'healthy' by some arbitrary score devised on height/weight but what's the point? Why do I need to lose 14lb when I can (yes, honestly) easily run 5k in the morning if I needed, walk 13 miles with my dog and not die at the end of it, shake my plentiful arse at a zumba class without feeling an ounce of shame (ok, I take that back, I have an arse that I scrutinise in the mirror every time I take a class and I can't say I love it, but I bust the moves anyway) and whilst I am red and sweating at the end of it, I'm the same as everyone else.

I will have a look at that site now, I feel that might be just what I need today.

The psychology and vocabulary of constant dieting holds lots of people back 8 clouding me.

Feeling "happy" when we ate such - and - such a weight
Good v bad days
Good v bad food
Aiming towards something. Being something else to what we current are etc

The era in my life where I relaxed on this type of thought process had helped change me and makes me less fixed about that unachievable goal. Probably it was all about me punishing myself...

That's how I see things and maybe some of these thoughts sound familiar OP

If you can think about food as a source of sustenance to help you do the things you need to do in life , to maintain health and strength not as a way to reward or punish yourself, that change of mindset may be helpful.

Fasting and starving are a surefire way of weakening the body's defences against illness in the long term. I feel really sad when people say they eat nothing for 7 hours and think that's a good thing

Sorry including me not 8 clouding me!

I went to my DMS for dinner this week and said for the first time "guess what I love my bum". She has known for years how much I hates it for being too round too sticking out etc. She nearly cried with joy that I was finally kind to myself and had stopped being so cruel about my body shape!

DMs

I think you have to think about it in terms of quality of life. It's a good idea to focus on eating a healthy balanced diet because you will feel better and enjoy better health that way. Generally speaking most people sleep better and have more energy if they have a good diet.

You don't have to make weight the goal.

fabatforty you actually sound quite healthy to me!
I would just suggest to eat good healthy food (think of your future health, preventing osteoporosis, pre-diabetes etc) and keep an eye on your waist measurement.It should be half your height ,or less, for health reasons. Also carry on exercising.

For a 40 year old your BMI is pretty much statistically optimal, though it depends where you put your weight - if it's all round your middle you might have an excess diabetes risk.

I agree with everyone else. Keep active and stop aiming for an unrealistically low target weight.

Unfortunately at your (my) age your metabolism does start to slide, so you'll always have to have a bit of a grip on your consumption and will need to remain a bit calorie conscious if you want to keep your weight stable, unless you take up marathon running

daisychain there's evidence to suggest that fasting (and 7 hours is a very short amount of time not to eat) is quite good for us.

FLM, how can it be good for someone who is active to go without food for 7 hours? Certainly not as an ongoing dieting cycle. It is far better to eat regular balanced meals A person on the go all day can end up with low blood sugar and then feels weak with low energy, so could be tempted to eat quick unhealthy food. That is the biology of it, you can't run on an empty tank!

I used to get into every fad diet going, and my weight these days is more stable and I am slimmer (10 - 12) than those days. So I was trying to encourage fab to give up on the yo yo-ing diets and enjoy balanced healthy eating.

Lovely thread. Do diets really really work anyway? If they did then surely that would be it, we would get to goal and never move again BUT they don't (in my opinion) and we then start eating all the things we couldn't eat when on the diet and then we regain some, all or even more weight. The cycle starts again until you are in your 50s looking back and realise you have spent the best part of 30 years having a love hate relationship with food and your body. There are some good books out there on helping you to re establish a normal non disordered relationship with food that can help you see how to eat food again. The aim is to eat when your hungry and stop as soon as your satisfied and eat whatever you want. Once people get over the fact that no food is forbidden they then naturally eat in a good balanced way.