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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Upsetting situation.

166 replies

Selinasupreme · 18/11/2014 18:47

So me and a relative have fallen out over something and usually when this happens I extend the olive branch even if I feel like ive done nothing wrong but I just can't see how this is acceptable.

My relative is pregnant with her first child conceived via IVF and all is well, we are all over the moon she is 8 months pregnant, I very recently conceived a child after my wedding and was told during an early scan that I have probably had a MMC so the prenancy might not progress.

During this time my relative has fallen out with me and told me I got married (to my partner of 5 years and father of my 16mo ds) to overshadow her pregnancy and that I then conceived a child to overshadow her pregnancy and the "misscarriage thing" is another way to get attention off everyone. I don't really like attention and am a very private person but I expected people close to me to be supportive during a hard time for me or at least if they can't be supportive to be civil.

So it gets worse, the day after I had the scan I got a text off this relative saying another close relative was 12 weeks pregnant, everything was a bit raw but I was happy to hear the news, then she text me saying "I was only joking she isn't pregnant really" and then started sending me texts asking what I had been doing to plan her baby shower and wanted to know about the decor as she didn't want it to clash with her Christmas decorations.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar to this? I would really appreciate an outsiders perspective.

OP posts:
minklundy · 21/11/2014 21:18

That was it
"Regardless of the situation, always react with class."

I think you did that OP when you tried to be happy for the fictional pregnancy.

Keep reacting with class. That includes not reacting at all.Flowers

OhReallyDear · 21/11/2014 22:01

Yeay, so happy for you.

MaryWestmacott · 21/11/2014 22:08

yay for a 'sticky' baby! good luck.

You don't need shit like your 'd' sis, just ignore and she'll soon have to find a new target out of boredum.

tiggydiggydee · 21/11/2014 22:36

Wonderful news about your scan today! I'm so pleased for you Flowers

AliceLidl · 22/11/2014 00:08

That's great news, congratulations OP.

I hope your DH replied to say "I'm not having a scan, Selina is", just to let her know you're both onto her.

Seriously though, your priority now is you and the baby. You don't need any more stress so ignore her, avoid her and try not to worry about what she's up to.

MokunMokun · 22/11/2014 01:29

That's wonderful news!!! I"m so pleased for you.

Just text your parents and ignore her. Someone once said that the best way to deal with people like your sister is just calmly without emotion as hard as it is to do don't feed into her drama.

Good luck for the rest of your pregnancy!

RudePepper · 22/11/2014 02:37

Oh wow!

Just avoid your sister and do not engage. It took me nearly two decades to do that with SIL who is similarly barking - I regret letting her stress me out so much and not doing so earlier.

Good luck with your baby FlowersCake[no wine]

MostGhostsAreMad · 22/11/2014 03:16

Wonderful news, Selina! Flowers

Ohfourfoxache · 22/11/2014 03:33

Oh Selina that's absolutely wonderful news - I'm so pleased for you Thanks

I hope you're able to find some peace well away from your sister. She sounds utterly vile. Yeah, it was so big of her to text your DH Hmm - what type of utterly screwed up person does that?

Please ignore and concentrate on your wonderful family x

mix56 · 22/11/2014 08:04

So glad for you, just ignore her now, all positive thoughts for the baby... if necessary tell her you are concentrating on bringing a healthy baby to term, & certainly not on an unhinged sister ! (-in law? not sure I got that )
whatever, she is a devious bully.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/11/2014 08:40

Late to your thread, brilliant news about your baby, that's fantastic!

Go nc with this utter cow of a sister, she's truly repugnant and a drain on your emotions.

Tell her to fuck off, concentrate on your family and forget she even exists.

Good luck!

rumbleinthrjungle · 22/11/2014 10:38

So pleased to read about your baby! Thanks

My sister was like this for some years - it was significant MH issues largely coming from trauma as a child, and she did a huge amount of work on it including finding a good therapist and turned everything around, we have a great relationship now. But for years it was just like you describe. My parents were terrified of upsetting her because the drama was so big, the consequences of it in terms of her behaviour was so bad that they'd do anything to avoid it - so they always took her side too. The thing that was hardest to accept was that I couldn't help her, I couldn't do anything about it, the bottom line was that just by existing I was a threat to her. Every crumb of attention or interaction towards me was a crumb she'd lost, and the only way she could deal with that threat was to grind me into the ground over and over again. My birthday for years was a guaranteed nightmare.

The only way to survive it was to walk away. Unfortunately that meant very much reduced contact with other members of the family and avoiding family events for some years, and building my own life and circle away from them.

saintlyjimjams · 22/11/2014 10:44

Good news about the scan :)

I knew as soon as I started reading the relative would be a sister. There are clearly much deeper issues at play. All you can do is protect yourself (whether by distancing yourself or going non-contact) and let her work out her own issues - you can't fix her unfortunately. Good luck.

SuperFlyHigh · 22/11/2014 12:10

Great result OP. Flowers. I would really limit contact with her now until at least after the birth.

Purplepixiedust · 22/11/2014 12:24

Great news about the baby :)

As regards your sister, anywhere between telling her to fuck off (and probably explaining to your parents why) to avoiding her as much as possible would be fine. She sounds nuts and very unpleasant.

It's threads like these that make me glad I am an only child!

Aeroflotgirl · 22/11/2014 19:47

Congratulations salinas premed that is fantastic news Smile. As for your sister a big feck off is in order and go NC, you don't need this.

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