Upsetting situation.

[Selinasupreme]

So me and a relative have fallen out over something and usually when this happens I extend the olive branch even if I feel like ive done nothing wrong but I just can't see how this is acceptable.

My relative is pregnant with her first child conceived via IVF and all is well, we are all over the moon she is 8 months pregnant, I very recently conceived a child after my wedding and was told during an early scan that I have probably had a MMC so the prenancy might not progress.

During this time my relative has fallen out with me and told me I got married (to my partner of 5 years and father of my 16mo ds) to overshadow her pregnancy and that I then conceived a child to overshadow her pregnancy and the "misscarriage thing" is another way to get attention off everyone. I don't really like attention and am a very private person but I expected people close to me to be supportive during a hard time for me or at least if they can't be supportive to be civil.

So it gets worse, the day after I had the scan I got a text off this relative saying another close relative was 12 weeks pregnant, everything was a bit raw but I was happy to hear the news, then she text me saying "I was only joking she isn't pregnant really" and then started sending me texts asking what I had been doing to plan her baby shower and wanted to know about the decor as she didn't want it to clash with her Christmas decorations.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything similar to this? I would really appreciate an outsiders perspective.

OMG I can't believe anybody could be so heartless and self centred.
Is she normally like this? It's difficult when it's a relative though, a lot harder to just drop them.

I think I'd actually tell her outright how upsetting her behaviour is. Or if you can't face that, at least confide in another family member who might have a word with her.

Not the same, but I did have for a while a very competitive SIL who got upset when we got married and had a baby, as though we'd done it to spite her. We'd been together nearly a decade when we got married, had only known her about a year, so it seemed really bizarre that she would think that. They split up shortly after getting married themselves so she is no longer my SIL. She sounds very strange, your relative. I don't know how you can go forward with this relationship. It's not as if you can be civil to keep the peace, her behaviour is absolutely appalling.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Op everything crossed for Friday.

You don't really need to ask if yabu though. Drop the hamper off and never have anything to do with her again. There's no need or point.

YYY to all the PPs - she's dreadful. She calls to mind Vicky Pollard - self-centred, egotistical, oblivious and spiteful. And although that has comedic value, I'm sure that the living experience is far from. Your post of course, but also AliceLidl and catsmother's - really bring that home.

If it helps to make you feel a little bit better about how ghastly she is, think of

She sounds like a spoiled child to be honest, so that's why she wanted to get pregnant for attention!. Yes I know she's had IVF but she's certainly not the 1st women to be pregnant and nor will she be the last.
She has tried for years to have a baby yet she shows no support to you on what you're going through.
I wouldn't be holding out any olive branch.
So let me get this straight. No women on the planet can get pregnant until she gives birth in case they take the attention off her.
It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do before her baby comes.
So sorry for all your going through.

motherofmonster that made me literally lol! A highly appropriate response though.

OP, very sorry for what you've been through and you need people in your life who can offer you support not poison. Ditch the bitch, she doesn't deserve your time or friendship.

Unbelievable, clearly no point in continuing any contact with this prima donna Is she on any meds for this pregnancy? maybe they are mind altering (which is the only way it cd be excusable)
Anyway, the odds are that it will only continue, & escalate over the years, so send text, saying that you are "no longer able to do her shower as you are dealing with your own health issues".
adding that hopefully her self centered behaviour will indeed make her implode & just cut contact
difficult to know if you can tell her to take a flying fuck, without knowing the relationship.

Good god- she obviously has no sympathy and thinks the world revolves around her. I would not be offering any olive branches in fact I would be telling her what to do with her baby shower!!!!
I'm so sorry about your miscarriagexxx

MrsCosmopilite the bunting image and your suggestion is hilarious and another highly appropriate response.

OP, a lot of anger and rage here on your behalf -- I hope you can channel some of it towards this relative.

I didn't mean my last post to be flippant, but I was so outraged that someone could be such a horrible person, that was all I could think of.

Selina I wish you all the best for Friday, and I hope that you know that I will be here, with many other MN-ers to listen, whatever you wish to share with us.

what is bloody wrong with people -

I would tell her i am planning the most awesome and amazing baby shower, the one she truely deserves, and then not invite anyone, but tell all her friends that she didnt want presents but wants donations in the babys name to Oxfam, then i would meet her there, at a very expensive location, have a lovely meal, with her "i dont know where everyone is... they'll be here soon" and stick her with the bill!

bitch

(sorry to hear your bad news, you sound lovely and dont deserve crap like this)

Do your parents and other family members know how horrible and shockingly insensitive she has been? I think in your shoes I would make sure somebody else in the family knew how I felt and why I was upset with her. Then I would cut contact and let someone else tell her what a selfish pig she has been.

All the best for Friday

I really hope it's good news for you on Friday op

It's draining dealing with people like this. So self-involved it's almost laughable. Almost.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever had was: "Cut out negative people from your life. Ruthlessly."

Follow this advice.

I wouldn't hesitate for one moment to cut out this relative from my life if I were in your shoes. She's a despicable human being. Really, really disturbing. Cut her out and let her find someone else to bully. Don't get sucked into an ongoing drama about it. Cut contact (explain your reasons if you want to) and be done with it. No more replies. No baby shower planning. No family celebrations. Fuck that.

Just think of all the extra time you'll have to spend on the people who really matter when you don't have to think about her - your DH, your DS, the friends and family members who care.

Get this person out of your life!

A shower? Please do NOT do this for her. She's a vile bitch.

Ignore her texts, delete her from your life.

Hope you get good news tomorrow.

What she has done is cruel to the point of being a bit disturbed, actually.

I'm so sorry that you are n this upsetting position. Best of luck for Friday.

Show your family the texts and tell them what's happened, then honestly, just drop her.

And by the way, this: "my relative...told me I got married (to my partner of 5 years and father of my 16mo ds) to overshadow her pregnancy and that I then conceived a child to overshadow her pregnancy and the "misscarriage thing" is another way to get attention off everyone" sounds like classic projections. it is the way your relative behaves. Attention is what motivates her, she is assuming you are the same. Beware. It will only get worse.

Is she your sister OP?

She sounds like she has some kind of problem in an ongoing pathological sense. Its more than just being a bit insensitive occasionally.

Very sorry to hear what you are going through with your baby. I really hope Friday is positive for you.

It absolutely can be good news and I'm hoping that it will be for you, on Friday.

My non-viable pregnancy is 11, in a couple of weeks (and still terrifies me on a regular basis).

the only thing you should be doing with olive branches is building a barricade.

There is no excuse for saying that "the miscarriage" thing is attention seeking, none at all.

She is horrible!

Fingers crossed for Friday xx

OP I can only wish you well for friday and give the same device s everyone else; tell this cunt to fuck off! She is vile, poor excuse for a human being and your life will be so much lighter without her in it. Go NC as of now with no explanation or reason, it's not needed. Let the bitch stew over it.

alice I am so sorry you went through such an awful time as well. These women are utterly vile aren't they?

same advice as i meant to say.

Thankyou everyone for the advice, so many more horrible things have been said and the sad thing is my parents won't side with me as they are scared of upsetting her and a big dramatic family fall out. She likes to storm off, driving off fast up the road in her car and slamming doors that sort of thing. But for now I'm exhausted by the things she has said and the way she has treated me. She diagnosed me with ADHD on Friday before telling me I was "fucking vile" there is so much stuff I can't even begin to list but the saddest thing is, I'm not even cutting out bits that I've done to make her look bad, she did the flowers for my wedding which were beautiful and I really appreciated them but she did them on the condition that if she wasn't allowed to do them then she wouldn't come to my wedding, she also turned around literally as I was at the bottom of the aisle waiting to walk to the altar and said that she decided she didn't want to walk down the aisle with my DS so my brothers girlfriend had to step in. That in the grand scheme of things is minor but a mild example.

I immediately thought sister. Who else would be close enough to say all this?

Tell her to fuck right off. She is an attention seeking twat and deserves none of your headspace.

Good luck for Friday.

She is your sister ? Jeez

I have a sister who sounds very like your one. I'm grateful to have other siblings to share the nightmares with, and for mutual support. Only my mother sees my 'bad' sister, she's managed to alienate all her siblings. My mother is also frightened of upsetting her, sometimes against her own best interests and the rest of the family. Inspite of this, we stay in touch with our mother -- as I think my 'bad' sister would like to alienate her so that she can exploit her at will. I haven't had a relationship with my sister for 6 years and I'm better off as a result of it.

I hope you've got some other siblings or family members to support you your sister sounds like a tyrant and she must have alienated others in your family? She sounds like she might be a candidate for Narcissistic personality disorder very difficult to reason with or expect any empathy from people with those traits. You don't need people like that around you when you're going through such a tough time.

Wondered if your parents do empathise with you -- even if they're unwilling to take sides?

Good luck on Friday.