To Want My MIL And FIL To Stop Suggesting I Get A Job

[Lauren1983]

I'm a SAHM to a 21 month old. I worked up until my maternity leave and since then my OH has been the sole earner. Before I met my OH I had managed to save up a decent amount of savings and when my maternity leave ended I paid off the outstanding debt on our new car (I don't drive so in essence it's the OH's car).

I also have been the one to buy the majority of my daughter's things (travel system, stroller, cot, mattress and bedding, car seat etc).

My OH does pay all the bills but I never ask him for money, if I want something I use my savings.

Anyway my MIL and FIL keep hinting at me to find a job and only last week my FIL told me about one he had spotted.

The decision for me to stay at home was a joint one as a couple and one that suits as all but it's getting frustrating when they mention me not having a job nearly every time we see them.

It would also be tricky to find work which fits around my OH's hours as he works shifts..either 6am-4pm or 4pm-3am and we have nobody in the family who could babysit for free.

Part of me wants to tell them to do one but maybe they are just looking after their son's interests?

This is not a criticism aimed at you OP, but why do so many women seem to make time to have a baby but not make time to get married first?

That is a good point about the wills - they do wills for charity donations near me at this time and we are going to do that next week.

Don't spend any more of your own money.

Will Aid - that's it! forgot what it was called.

picandminx because 1 is a spectator event and expensive :)

I wouldnt have afforded 3 rounds of ivf if id spent it getting married

If you want a marriage rather than a wedding, then surely you could nip to the registry office?

See, you can never predict the way a thread will go!

I'll be talking about penguin bollards in a minute

Did the OP say in what way they were hinting?

You mean, penguin bollards, or regular bollards, Middleton?
I think the polar bear bollards are kinda cute.

Do think about some of the financial implications OP even if you don't want to discuss them here.

Sorry Quint I'm lost.
But I do love polar bears!

EVERYONE pays some NI actually, no matter how low they earn. I had to

No they don't, people who earn under the threshold don't. If you are going to hold such views actually learn the rules so you don't make yourself look like a plonker

Cant really call someone a SAHP if the child is 20 really.

I think it increases everyones stress levels if both people work especially with kids. As working 35 hours but commuting x more, dropping kids off pick ups homework, housework and cooking. Potentially looking at both doing 10hr plus days.
Its only really a choice if you can afford it.
I was going to be 1k a year better off (£19pw 3 day week) for 2 yrs. for the fun of missing my only child looked after by someone else.
People just dont realise how expensive childcare is
£52 a day (8-6).

*EVERYONE pays some NI actually, no matter how low they earn. I had to

No they don't, people who earn under the threshold don't. If you are going to hold such views actually learn the rules so you don't make yourself look like a plonker*

Everyone has the option to (self employed people earning under the threshold for example), they don't have to.

Unless of course you are eligible for credits because then you are not allowed to choose to pay

You are still (technically) paying, it is just that the state is paying your contributions, not you.

(if you are in receipt of tax credits and certain means tested benefits, that is)

You get NI contributions paid for you if you are in receipt of child benefit and have a child under 5, don't you? Isn't that why high earners with a SAHP are advised to claim the CB and then pay it back through tax?

OP the opinions on whether your PIL are unreasonable or not is irrelevant. Advising you on the precariousness of your position is not, whether or not you are prepared to discuss it. Your will will be invalid on marriage, unless you make it clear that you have made it with a view to being married, i.e. engaged, with a date set.

Lauren , I understand that talking or thinking about money makes you feel uncomfortable . But as a mum you need to put your child's security above your own feelings and deal with your financial problems .

And of course, your daughters welfare should be the joint responsibility of you both. But you only have to read the single parent threads here on MN to see that many fathers manage to wash their hand of all responsibility when the relationship with the child's mother breaks down , married or not .

I hope things work out for you

NI contributions are paid if you receive child benefit for a child under 12.

Anyway, paying national insurance is completely irrelevant to health service useage

The NHS is funded by general taxation, which everyone pays , either on their earnings or their spending

And everybody who resides in the UK is entitled to use the NHS.

Stopping certain categories of tax payers, such as SAHPs, from using the NHS is completely ridiculous and woudl cost the country a fortune, both in administration and in lost earnings, additional benefits etc .