To want a divorce over this

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Had a horrible argument with dh but I should add that there are ongoing problems in the relationship.

Dcs are all disabled and dh and I both have health problems so things are very stressful anyway. Dh gave up work for a few months recently but is now back part time so things are getting difficult again when he is there but I can see his point that it wasn't a long term solution and that he needs to keep his skills up.

Last night I found myself at 1030pm still trying to tidy up, making ds1 s packed lunch, weighing out dd2s snacks for school, getting their uniforms dry etc etc etc so the morning would be less stressed. Dh just sat and watched tv. I didn't want to start huffing and puffing and hinting at needing help so I asked outright and he begrudgingly loaded the dishwasher then sat down to watch tv again. I was a bit irritated.
I asked him to set the alarm for 630am so we could get up and organised on time, he said he would.

He didn't and woke me up at 7:05 and bearing in mind we have to leave at 7:50 after getting four dcs ready isn't really enough time. I had to run round like a headless chicken dressing dcs, getting breakfast etc. dh was doing a good job of looking as if he was helping but wasn't actually doing much iyswim

Going back to yesterday he had taken dds car seat out (erf) to drop mil off somewhere I asked him as soon as he got back to out it back in. He hadn't so tried to do it this morn and couldn't do it.
We were then late and dd1 missed her coach to school . Dh went mad and I was stressed yet he shouted at me I have no right to be stressed as I don't have to do the driving or work today.

Then he laid into me about my choice of car seats and he wants "what everyone else has" he hates the erf ones. I tried to explain they are safer he said its "absolute rubbish" and wants to chuck them away. He thinks dcs legs are cramped and I pointed out its better to break legs that your neck or die and he laughed at me and said I'm wrong.
I got really upset he said again I have no right or reason to feel stressed or get upset and if I didn't shut up he would stop the car and "piss off forever"

Dcs are in school, dh is dropping dd off which is well out of his way and he's angry, he didn't say bye to me or sorry and I feel like saying that's it I'm sick of being belittled, told my feelings and choices don't matter and criticised this way.

Is there any way you can reduce the time your DH spend with his mum? She seems to be making things 10 times worse as if looking after 4 young dcs, all with some SN, isn't enough

Also agree with simplify, simplify, simplify.

Care seat? Tbh I think that your DH is as stressed as you are so it's one thing that he can take his anger out and let rip. If it wasn't that, it would be something else.

I'd also be suggesting that if your MIL is so clever, she can look after the children for a weekend and you and DH can go to a nice hotel for some R&R.

I agree with minimizing what you do.

I have been studying the last year. The end result is that the kids do one activity less each, I dont volunteer in school any more, and if I do bring cake to a school bake sale, it is from a ready mix that I have jazzed up. Any playdates are scheduled in between my assignments so that my time is freed up when I dont have coursework deadlines. I work part time, also. We only have two kids, and no SN, but dh works two jobs. 9-6, and from he gets home till midnight (own business). We have to be very organized to ensure all goes ok.

Ha ha ha MIL look after dcs!!!! She avoids them at all costs and uses any excuse she can as seems to be terrified of them she doesn't like looking after them "because the slightest thing makes them dislocate" and because " dds diabetes is too confusing and If I get confused I will have a panic attack"

You sound like you are a great mum.

Don't advise divorcing dh, its one (of probably many) bad days, but he is their dad.

I buy lots of uniforms and accept my boys school is very muddy. I confess to buying 5 of everything and 2 coats each (but these do pass down). Luckily its cheap uniform. Is this a waste of money, well it depends how highly you value there being clean uniforms in the drawer after a long day of work.

Good luck with getting the school to provide the right medical support for dd. You might want to consider taking it up with the council at some point.

I'd go NC with the toxic mil. Your husband might want to communicate with her but you don't have to.

Dh then said to me a couple of days later "ooh its nearly pmt time, make sure we have a really bad argument this month and I can walk out to DMs for a day or two and be looked after, have takeaways and watch tv in peace"

I know you and DH have Healy issues.
I know your DCs have complicated medical needs.
I know Monday is short.

I also know your DH is a useless piece of crap.

However I'm not sure anyone with ill health themselves could cope with all your DCs needs on their own so you're kinda stuck with him unless you'd be much better off financially without him and could buy in help (eg au pair for before/after school).

Keep the ballet and Pilates. They are v important for your kids.

Ditch the bake sale and bloody biscuit making homework!

To be honest, if you think your children won't die if you leave them for a bit with DH, you might want to think about having a mini break down and booking yourself into a budget hotel for a week to recharge.

I have 3 sets of uniform so in know I need to do a wash on a Friday night and a Tuesday. Has made life much easier (even if cost made my eyes water)

"Dh then said to me a couple of days later "ooh its nearly pmt time, make sure we have a really bad argument this month and I can walk out to DMs for a day or two and be looked after, have takeaways and watch tv in peace" "

This is really shocking and a horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone your wife.
What childish, offensive thing to say.

Hedgehog - I know things are difficult for you, but life is all about choices.

You need to prioritise.

It's ok to say no. It's ok to send in a cake from a shop.

You need to get uniform in the wash on a Friday. Put a boot up your Sis's partner and tell him that unless he's going for open heart surgery, you're not the go to help.

Seriously, you need to woman up and say no. Don't make things more difficult for yourself than they have to be - and if that means different car seats, and a bought cake then that's what it means.

Hope you can get things sorted hedgehog. Yes, to a whiteboard. Very helpful.

I always set my own alarm. Get your own. My DH always forgets to set one.

The jar - could you have had a different lunch? Not made cakes? I don't know your backstory but I think you are making your weekends even harder work for yourself.

The cake for cake sale was a shop one that we decorated at home. The biscuits for ds1s homework we had to bake ourselves.

Got a alarm clock today.

Also got an apology from dh

Well, that's a start...

I think you both lead very stressful lives. The only way round this is a much stricter routine for everyone. Even if you have to do a time sheet for both of you. And put on sheet. 9.00 pm set alarm. Then it's done. And could you arrange things so each of you could have an evening off sometimes even if it means you are still there in the house.

OP, why don;t you sit with him on the couch with him, drinking a glass of wine, not caring about anything. Don;t micro manage him or the kids, just selfishky live your life without a giving a beeep about anything . After two days of abslute chaos, he might understand.

An apology isn't really enough. You need some confidence that this isn't going to happen this weekend and next weekend as well. Can you talk to him sensibly about the weekend/morning/evening routine?

The apology is a start. You are both so stressed. Work with each other, talk and support each other - rather than letting it drive you apart.