To want a divorce over this

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Had a horrible argument with dh but I should add that there are ongoing problems in the relationship.

Dcs are all disabled and dh and I both have health problems so things are very stressful anyway. Dh gave up work for a few months recently but is now back part time so things are getting difficult again when he is there but I can see his point that it wasn't a long term solution and that he needs to keep his skills up.

Last night I found myself at 1030pm still trying to tidy up, making ds1 s packed lunch, weighing out dd2s snacks for school, getting their uniforms dry etc etc etc so the morning would be less stressed. Dh just sat and watched tv. I didn't want to start huffing and puffing and hinting at needing help so I asked outright and he begrudgingly loaded the dishwasher then sat down to watch tv again. I was a bit irritated.
I asked him to set the alarm for 630am so we could get up and organised on time, he said he would.

He didn't and woke me up at 7:05 and bearing in mind we have to leave at 7:50 after getting four dcs ready isn't really enough time. I had to run round like a headless chicken dressing dcs, getting breakfast etc. dh was doing a good job of looking as if he was helping but wasn't actually doing much iyswim

Going back to yesterday he had taken dds car seat out (erf) to drop mil off somewhere I asked him as soon as he got back to out it back in. He hadn't so tried to do it this morn and couldn't do it.
We were then late and dd1 missed her coach to school . Dh went mad and I was stressed yet he shouted at me I have no right to be stressed as I don't have to do the driving or work today.

Then he laid into me about my choice of car seats and he wants "what everyone else has" he hates the erf ones. I tried to explain they are safer he said its "absolute rubbish" and wants to chuck them away. He thinks dcs legs are cramped and I pointed out its better to break legs that your neck or die and he laughed at me and said I'm wrong.
I got really upset he said again I have no right or reason to feel stressed or get upset and if I didn't shut up he would stop the car and "piss off forever"

Dcs are in school, dh is dropping dd off which is well out of his way and he's angry, he didn't say bye to me or sorry and I feel like saying that's it I'm sick of being belittled, told my feelings and choices don't matter and criticised this way.

Oh and Katelyn, so you know, the DC's disabilities weren't all apparent at or shortly after birth.

Somtimes it takes unsuger coated truth to enable change - especially in people who alway qualify and justify everything and every crap decision they make . Hedgehoge is a frequent flyer here and knows the score.

wow your dh and mil are cut from the same cloth. My mil is sadly abit like this and as a result dh finds it necessary to sit on his arse watching tv every evening as he has been out at work all day because looking after 3 dc including one with mild sen is a piece of cake. (2 are at school) However you dh only works part time so should do more. Hope things improve op and please ignore katelyn

WHY do YOU need to understand the rationale? This is a post asking for help. Why is YOUR (quite frankly) nosiness important enough to ask what are quite hurtful questions of the op at a time when she is feeling overwhelmed and in a lot of emotional pain?!

And no, it is not reasonable to want to understand it, it's you trying to satiate your own curiosity.

If you REALLY want to know, search for the old threads, there are lots of them.

Mellow - Hedgehoge is a frequent flyer here and knows the score

And I've seen how hurt she was by those type of posts in the past, its irrelevant to the problem at hand.

Katelyn maybe you should start your own thread about your inability to understand, rather than derail someone else's thread.

Or is that not going to get you enough attention?

Let's suppose someone did make a bad decision in the past and they are now having troubles that are exacerbated by that past decision - why does that mean they get less help and advice? Do they deserve to be berated for their last decision?

I know H has been hurt - but to her credit she keeps posting , but she also keeps making the same excuses and justifications. The 4 children are symptomatic of an unwillingness to acept the reality of the situation and to actually just say No and do what is necessary and right not what has a nice fuzzy fealing to it. Ie takinh responsiblity for dsis. , baking cakes BEFORE sorting uniform.

Its not about goving less help its about looking at the root cause !!!Stucking plasters are great short term - op changing her attitude (much of which she has done) priceless long lasting change for her and her family - she needs empowerment not patting on the head .

But saying - well your life would have been so much better if you hadn't had all those kids isn't very helpful is it?

That isn't the root cause - the root causes are that she has far too many people that she feels she owes something to when she needs to be spending more time concentrating on herself and the kids

Katelyn - there are some things that you think, that ought to stay in your head, rather than come out of your mouth or onto your keyboard.
You've pretty much just come on here and asked the OP to justify her children's existence, which is bloody inappropriate and serves no one.
You don't need to know...you just wanted to give her the benefit of your judgement.
The OP didn't ask us how many kids she should have had.

Your dd has been at school for 10 weeks now. Why haven't the school done the insulin pump training yet? Presumably because it is not a priority for them as you are solving the problem.

So stop solving it quite so helpfully. You will still do the pump but at the moment your dd is missing out on playtime with her friends so you will do it at school from now on. You'll have the 2 y.o. with you because you have a 2 y.o! With a bit of luck a couple of weeks of 2y.o running amok will suddenly make them prioritise the training. And if not, well at least you are down to 3 school run trips rather than 4.

Your biggest problem is that you go out of your way to make life easier for other people - even when it is those other people who are creating work for you by not doing what they should be doing.

Re: your sister. She is just out of hospital and it is her birthday? And her partner had to go out? You have to wonder about his priorities.

Oh, piss off, Katelyn. Nothing you've said serves any purpose but to make op feel even more shit than she did to start with.

I don't think it's your husband responsibility to get you up in the morning. If getting up earlier helps, do it.

I agree with the advice from other posters.

I am a lone parent to disabled dc, up at 6am for medication etc. Uniform and lunches done the night before. No screen time until dc's ready. Weekends are downtime. Daily life is stressful but organisation is the key.

Get in more help using the DLA which is what it is for.

Oh and I never bake cakes for the cake sale. Priorities.

We knew when I was pregnant with ds1 (second dc) that any dcs we had would have EDS and other related conditions but....

Whilst difficult, EDS was manageable. It was dd2 getting diabetes when ds2 was already here and 8 months old that turned things from difficult to manage to near impossible.

meeting arranged for tomorrow to sort out dd doing lunchtime at school so things are getting there slowly

Well done Hedgehog. BTW what is EDS?

Ehlers danlos syndrome, it causes pain, fatigue, joint instability and dislocations amongst other things

Wow OP I am tired just reading all the stuff you manage to achieve over a weekend.

Are you entitled to any respite support with your DCs?

I like the doer/checker idea that someone posted. I'm nicking that.

To me it sounds fairly "normal" considering the amount of stress!

I would be pragmatic and:

• buy my own alarm clock
• learn to drive
• fuck the cake baking for charity
• cancel a kid's activity the once, if it sends the family over the edge
• fuck the broken jar of sauce, just cook something else (pasta with cheese) and go to the shop when there is more time
• not get upset about DH "notcaring about the DC safety", off course he cares, but those difficult seats were the straw that broke the canel's back.
• talk about the stress and how you both can find better solutions.

It almost sounds as if you are stuck in a negative rut. You need tomske changes. Order an alarm clock on Amazon today. And batteries. Do the eye test. Keep up the driving lessons. Etc

Good luck!

Hedgehog, you sound like you are doing positive things; learning to drive and sorting your finances. People have posted a few practical things you could try. I have nothing to add but I hope things improve for you.