To ask visitors to take their shoes off before coming into my home?

[moomin35]

Including my MIL who clearly didn't appreciate being asked!

Although, I don't ask people to take their shoes off

I ask people. I can't expect people to guess the house rules. I just tell them.

Fair enough

And if guests say they'd rather not take off their shoes, what then?

I've never been asked but I wouldn't be happy.

I hate taking my shoes off, but we are a shoes off house... weird huh?

fine if slippers are there. would take my own. hate wandering round in either socks or shoes in peoples houses. I think if we has lots of visitors, I would get some cheapish slippers/flipflops from aldi which could be given a quick wash.

Hate being asked/expected to remove shoes, for all the reasons already given - I find it rude and unwelcoming etc, and silently judge people for being so precious about their bloomin' carpets. And I have cold unattractive feet too. My mother's a great stickler for no shoes on carpets - she even has a basket at the front door for visitors to put their shoes in, so her floors aren't contaminated by anyone's shoes for a single second. Ridiculous.

Shoes-off people, do you never have grown-up parties or dinners at which your guests might have put thought into what they wear, including shoes?

We are a shoes-on house, but I can understand the shoes-off mentality if you life in the country or the only entertaining you do is groups of children/people popping in for a cup of tea etc. But at a gathering for adults that's even a tiny bit formal, asking people to remove their shoes is just bizarre.

We have a crawling immuno compromised 1 year old and a 2 year old who is constantly playing on the floor, so it's shoes off in our house as it protects the kids from germs.

We have guest slippers. If someone would rather not take their shoes off then they have to stay in the none carpeted areas of the house so I can dettol after them.

I don't host gatherings.

The fancy shoes people wear when dressing up for the occasion are highly unlikely to have been worn just mooching round town or walking the dog. Most likely they are in a box in the wardrobe awaiting the day they might actually get used. So not something i would overly be concerned about.

I did mention that no I don't have dinner parties. No room for a table let alone guests.

I've read all of this with interest (and no, it hasn't changed my mind!) and I do think that the shoes-on brigade do come across as just being more welcoming, as they aren't insisting that a guest does anything other than do what they feel most comfortable with.

Would the shoes-off people care two hoots if one of their guests was freezing cold because they've had to take their shoes off? I would be mortified if anyone visiting my house was cold, the first thing I do is whack on the heating.

Maybe it's because we (me and DH) really feel the cold that this bothers me so much. But I have been 'shoes-off' and freezing and wanting to leave after half an hour - would people really be fine with knowing that's how their guests feel?

People have signs? Signs saying take your shoes off? How precious!

I'm usually bare foot at home. Friends round for some time are likely to kick their shoes off and curl up on the sofa at some point when they want too but i never demand that they take them off.

What about professional visitors? Im sure we've all had health visitors or midwives in the house. Someone quoting you for some work? People doing work?

Honestly, life's too short.

River I'm kind of guessing that shoes off houses hsve warmer floors since the occupants don't wear shoes,and the shoes off rule is often because of carpets (which are warmer underfoot) - I don't think the average person would get cold in my house without shoes.

I would dearly love varnished floorboards instead of silly cream carpet,so all could wear what they want,but not my house,not my carpet,just my flippin' burden to attempt go keep clean.

I was always taught to ask whether I should take my shoes off or not - up to the person whose house it is IMO. My dad and fiancé have just spent the last few days putting wood floors down in my front room and passage so I will definitely be asking people to take their shoes off. Got my best mate coming up at the weekend for a night out and she'll be taking her heels off at the front door. Nowt worse than scratched and scuffed wood flooring

Rita, I'm a bit aghast at the idea of a sign too.

For me, if a professional visitor comes round they generally keep their shoes on if they're not going to be there for long. I would never stand at the door and demand they took them off.

Friends coming over for the first time for a casual visit like a cup of tea generally step in and say 'Should I take my shoes off?', to which my answer is 'Only if you want to', although I'll almost certainly be in my socks as we're shoes-off. Then the person pretty much always takes their shoes off. The visit proceeds, happily.

If they're at my house for a party or similar and will be milling about for a long time, I resign myself to having to clean the floors and carpets afterwards. I would never ask people to take shoes off in that context (in fact I never ask in any context).

I went to a friendly acquaintance's house recently and when I arrived she let me in and said 'Would you mind taking your shoes off?' I said of course not, took them off, and we had a nice visit. I didn't fume, or refuse, or go away and think less of her or that she was rude or common.

There are some very exaggerated pictures being painted on here, on both sides, of people either demanding visitors remove their shoes or visitors steaming in and refusing to and stomping all over the cream carpets defiantly.

Surely in the actual world things go much more along the lines of my two scenarios?

Because I agree, life is too short to have battles about things like carpets and shoes.

My husband is Muslim, shoes off is a must for him, cleanliness in the home is so important for him in order that he can live his life according to his beliefs. I support him in this and as such we have become a shoes off family. Growing up we were always a shoes on family. I will happily do either depending on who I am visiting. I must say though, that despite the fact that my mum religiously mops her laminate floors daily, when we visit her house the kids socks are filthy. She can mop the floors all she wants, and vacuum the rugs/carpets but the dirt from our supposedly clean shoes is still there. I remember hearing a couple of years ago that the average carpet in the UK has more bacteria than a public toilet. Not surprising really when you think about it.
What seems a shame is how many people get so offended by the way other people live their lives in their own home. No one is passing judgement on you by making a decision that is not the same as yours.

But at a gathering for adults that's even a tiny bit formal, asking people to remove their shoes is just bizarre.

it really does depend on what kind of culture you come from. There are people who think it's bizarre to be in a house with shoes.

My DP "does work" in people's homes. He nearly always removes his shoes (depending upon the house (some houses are absolutely filthy and you would want to don wellies to go in) and type of work to be done, as does DS, who has now started working with him). DS wears comedy novelty socks, and this always prompts an amusing discussion with the customers as they always remark on them

If DP and DS need to go upstairs into the loft, they just carry their shoes up with them. And then vacuum any residual debris caused by drilling or hammering.
I have them very well trained!

Shoes off in my house. I provide slippers for those who feel awkward with their shoes off, but I expect shoes to come off.

What seems a shame is how many people get so offended by the way other people live their lives in their own home. No one is passing judgement on you by making a decision that is not the same as yours.

^ This, exactly!

There's no way I'd expect a tradesman to work in socks! That's just bloody dangerous.

Also agree with OnlyLovers.

I don't think it's common (that's very odd) but I don't think it's terribly welcoming, either. In terms of being cold, I would be if I was told to take my jumper off - for me, shoes is no different. I Will Be Cold Because I Feel The Cold. And when I'm cold I'm miserable. I can last in my own home without slippers for about 5 minutes.

Some people don't feel the cold (my friend who is militantly shoes-off has no carpets but also never wears slippers, but I have been so so cold in her house, it actually puts me off visiting her, she's very tight with the heating too) but it would be nice if they could acknowledge that some people do!

Rita - depends (as I think I said) upon the work being done! If you have a nicely carpeted area that needs to be walked across, DP and DS will remove their shoes, then put them back on once they reach the area requiring the work. What is 'bloody dangerous' about that?

Quite clearly, if they are on a building site, they wear safety boots that will not be removed at any point.
Here, we're talking about people's homes.
What dangerous things have you got lying on your carpets?

What seems a shame is how many people get so offended by the way other people live their lives in their own home. No one is passing judgement on you by making a decision that is not the same as yours.

But it's not as simple as that, is it? It's not just about what you do or how you live. If you want to take your own shoes off in your own home then of course no one will judge you for that. But you are asking guests to do that too and that might make them feel uncomfortable, cold or embarrassed. Personally, I wouldn't want any guest to feel that way in my house, I think it's an incredibly rude thing to insist on.

If the person is wearing socks, then it's okay to ask them to remove their shoes.
But, If they're not wearing socks then its incredibly rude to ask them to remove shoes.
They will be sat in your house with bare, cold feet. And if they are also self concious about their feet, which a lot of older people are (there have been a few references to MILs not wanting to go bare-footed and I can see why) they will also feel embarassed.

I would never make a guest feel this way.