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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be very pissed that DH is (what I perceive to be) selfish re DC?

99 replies

Scottishcrumpets · 16/11/2014 23:06

There have been umpteen occasions where I feel like screaming at DH because it seems he doesn't have a clue regarding DC needs. (Nothing major, but just everyday stuff to make things a little difficult)
For example, today we drove for about an hour to a lovely little village to feed the ducks, have a chippy and let the kids choose a special ornament from the Xmas shop to put on the tree when it goes up. So DH went away get the fish suppers, came back without any napkins, knives, or wooden forks to enable the splitting up of the kids lunch. He just though they could split it up themselves with their fingers, but it was bloody boiling. I think I just saw him as a completely selfish cunt, as long as he's okay (and halfway through his lunch when I asked for all this) then he doesn't give a shit about anyone else. Am I just having a crap day and therefore being unreasonable?

OP posts:

FluffyMcnuffy · 16/11/2014 23:08

I think YABU but I'm sensing there's a backstory to this?

Finola1step · 16/11/2014 23:09

Yep, pretty thoughtless. But worthy of being referred to as a cunt? Not in my book.

Unless of course there is a back story.

Finola1step · 16/11/2014 23:10

Great minds Fluffy

Bogeyface · 16/11/2014 23:10

Was today the straw that broke the camels back?

Is there a common theme of "I'm alright Jack!" in his interactions in the family?

Bogeyface · 16/11/2014 23:11

What was his reaction when you asked him why he hadnt bought the things that where needed?

Springcleanish · 16/11/2014 23:14

Partly over reacting, but I do this all the time, my DH just never thinks beyond or around the job he is asked to do. He would have done exactly the same. Last Saturday morning I went out to meet a friend, hadn't been out for months literally. Come back to find the kids didn't have lunch till gone 3.30, coz he was on the PC and wasn't hungry. Then he went out and bought them sausage rolls because he couldn't find anything to eat. We had a fridge with ham, cheese, bread, salad in, but because I hadn't told him to make a specific meal, he couldn't think for himself.
Just realised, my rant is as big as yours, so no YANBU, he should think ahead and not expect all the brain work to fall to you.

Iggi999 · 16/11/2014 23:15

Hmm. I notice in restaurants my dh will have a cursory look at the menu, see what he wants, then put the menu down, job down.
While I hunt through the options to find food that the two dcs might possible eat, before looking for something for myself.
It is selfish to just put your own needs first.

Iggi999 · 16/11/2014 23:16

Job done, even.
And every time, I ask him what the dcs are going to have, at which point he makes a belated effort to pick the meme back up again...

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 16/11/2014 23:16

Seems a bit of a dozy thing to do but not necessitating calling him a selfish cunt really.

QTPie · 16/11/2014 23:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SEH23 · 16/11/2014 23:22

i do know what you mean, my DH is the same.. i always wonder what goes on in his brain. does he think? do men think? about anyone but themselves their dicks and their stomachs?

i do agree though, cunts very strong. nowadays i just bite my tongue and thank my lucky stars im not a lazy bitch as well LOL

geezerhere · 16/11/2014 23:22

Why had not you packed baby wipes? Such essentials should be pre packed.....

Preciousbane · 16/11/2014 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoughnutSelfie · 16/11/2014 23:31

Why should OP automatically be the default babywipe packer, geezer?

Scottish, this in isolation ain't a huge deal, but it does seem as if general thoughtlessness emanates from your husband.

What to do? I don't know really.

ThatBloodyWoman · 16/11/2014 23:32

Right,he's not perfect,clearly.
Are any of us?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/11/2014 23:36

Why had not you packed baby wipes? Such essentials should be pre packed

Perhaps she thought the other parent had, what with him being a fully engaged equal parent

500Decibels · 16/11/2014 23:41

If your dh isn't used to looking after the kids or thinking of them because you do it all the time, then you really need to talk to him and work with him to get him to change.

My dh was like this because I happily did everything. When it came to leaving the kids with him, I had to give him very specific instructions and even wrote them down. He followed them and got to know the dcs routine so I didn't have to do that anymore.

Would that approach work with your dh?

Jolleigh · 16/11/2014 23:41

YABU. Any of us could easily have made this oversight and if we came on here saying our DPs had called us cunt over it, they'd be digitally hung, drawn and quartered.

500Decibels · 16/11/2014 23:44

Sorry I thought the op had posted about the leaving the kids and late lunch. Just realised it was a different poster.

3boys40 · 17/11/2014 00:03

my dh does stuff like this. we have 3 kids and i asked him to get some cookies. He came back with 3 only he will eat and 3 for me and our 3dc. Did the same with pizza on pizza night.

Original poster

Scottishcrumpets · 17/11/2014 07:06

Sorry, posted and promptly fell asleep. Okay, possibly my language was a tad strong toward DH, I was just irritated. (I didn't call him this at the time, I was just expressing my frustration on here)
I think I felt it's just second nature to me to think ahead to everything the kids need (i did have wipes in my bag, that's not the point) even when the DC were little and DH had been getting them ready to leave the house he'd announce 'they're ready!' I'd have to ask if they had their nappies changed, had he packed water, did he actually have the changing bag, and 90% of the time the answer was eh.. no! They usually had their coats and shoes on. Bit ranty again but why should I be the only one to look ahead and see what the DC might need!!??

OP posts:

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/11/2014 07:11

I've felt this before a lot and it seems to happy with food being involved. Yest for example we were running late getting back to do dd her dinner. So when we get in Im boiling water and shoving her some pasta on quickly. Oh goes into kitchen while I'm changing her and makes himself a sandwich to. Eat comes into the room we're in and eats it in front of her. So she's running over to eat that too while he dinner is still cooking?!
He couldn't see what was wrong with that

icklekid · 17/11/2014 07:14

Annoying yes, end of the world no.
my dh for the second time forgot the car seat adaptors for the buggy so I ended up carrying ds. The conversation went I will sort ds can you sort the buggy. Should I learn to remind him? Probably for an easy life but then he may never learn . Should he have carried ds? Yes! But never mind life goes on

Only1scoop · 17/11/2014 07:19

Things like this annoy me but as you admit 'c' a little strong. Sounds like you were already annoyed with him.

Original poster

Scottishcrumpets · 17/11/2014 07:23

YY to the sandwich thing wish my DH has done that too, except on occasion not even thought to ask if DC want anything first??
Think it's looking increasingly likely that I have to carry on my reminding and thinking for bloody everyone

OP posts:

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