To ask when your child could wipe their own bottom?

[Writerwannabe83]

I popped in to see my auntie earlier as her Godson was there (who I've known a few years) as it's his 6th birthday in a few days and I wanted to pop his present round.

Whilst I was there he asked to go to the toilet and when he hadn't reappeared after a few minutes she called up to him to check he was ok. He shouted down that he'd had a poo so could she go up. She told me that he doesn't know how to clean himself and every time he has a poo the adult has to wipe his bottom for him.

I asked her if she meant that he tries to do it himself and then the adult checks to see he has done it properly but she said no, he just sits on the toilet and waits for the adult to do it for him.

This child doesn't have any additional needs by the way.

I was a bit shocked that a 6 year old can't wipe their own bottom. Or am I being naive and this is in fact quite typical??

It makes no odds to me but if it is the norm then I need to prepare DH as he makes a song and dance about changing DS's dirty nappies I think I should let him know that he's in it for the long haul

That's great then artandco.
My only real life experience of 3 year olds going to the toilet alone however, is that I never hear the tap running or the toilet flushing after.

And, I expect the adults you refer to as not washing their hands, are the offspring of parents who made them go alone too young. (Not in your case clearly!)

Dd did it easily at 3. Ds didn't seem to have long enough arms. Although he tried, it just looked awkward and he couldn't do a very good job until he was 5+. So I think it depends on the child.

DS is 3 (a few months away from turning 4) and can't wipe himself yet. He does try but he just can't reach properly and doesn't seem to get the hang of having his arm at the correct angle! So I do it for him. I don't have any problem doing it for him but I encourage him to try for himself so he gets the idea.

When he began nursery in Easter, I told them he wasn't good at wiping himself and they had no problem with it and said it was pretty common for most of the children to need some help. So I don't worry about it. He's not going to be 18 and still needing me to wipe his arse. He'll learn when he learns.

Artandco - however did he reach at 15mo? My Ds2 is 2 and his arms are barely long enough to reach round to his bottom now! Although he's still in nappies so he only plays at wiping his bottom - he comes and sits on the potty fully clad while I'm on the loo and has to have a piece of tissue to "wipe" after.

DS1 was the same - I don't think they're abnormally short in the arms though.

Thumb - I don't understand the how they reach question. Surely even a newborn baby's hand is long than their bum? You just grow, but in proportion

Mine started when we started potty training.

The three year old still needs checking, but I would say she manages well about 90% of the time.

I agree with pp about getting them to flush the toilet though. Aaargh!

Some children like their parents to wipe their bottom. Most children can wipe their bottom at four, but don't necessarily do a very good job. Many parents prefer to wipe their children's bottoms than have skid marks in pants.

Kids will reach a point when they don't want anyone wiping their bum.

My girls (3&5) can't reach artandco. Sure they can touch their bottom with their hand. But you need to be able, whilst sitting, to reach behind you, then all the way back through between your legs as far forward as necessary, without your wrist or anything touching your arse. Requires a fair bit of flexibility and stretching.

Or be able to reach standing up for all us stander uppers out there

No, not true. You try and get your newborn baby to put their arms around their head, can't do it, they can barely touch the top of their own heads! Their arms are too short. Likewise, their arms are too short to reach round to wipe their bums. The long bones in the limbs grow more as they get older.
As an adult, your arms will reach to the midpoint of your thigh - as a 15mo, their arms won't be anything like that long.
See diagram of the changes in the baby's first year.

And yes, I know 15m is after the first year, but my point is that they don't grow "in proportion", their torso is much longer in proportion to their limbs at that age.

Thumb -No idea then. I haven't got a newborn to experiment with I'm afraid! But both ds's started sitting on toilet at nappy changes/ bath time from 10/11 months. By 15/16 months both toilet trained. Like I said they then tried every time and I prob helped for around a year.

They stand up to wipe. Not sitting. So maybe not as far??

DS1 (4) also can't quite reach his own bum, Thumb. He has a good go but he can't quite reach into the crack so I end up finishing it for him.

He does have my Dad's build - long body, short legs - so maybe its all in the genetics?

DD (nearly 5) struggles with this, she can't seem to reach around, especially to wipe front to back. She's getting better but we do still wipe her quite a lot.

She never poos at school so not a problem there!

Well obviously bum wiping is ideally done before they start school. I think that the ability can be hindered by parental involvement, which will depend on the parents ability to believe their child can manage.

No moin not true. As I've already said dd could reach and do it independently from 3 but ds couldn't reach properly till 5. Same expectation from me but differing abilities.

Oh sorry Frogme I meant after school going age!! Only just noticed I didn't actually mention that

Probably worth pointing out that where I live that's 5

Dunno Tisane - I have quite a long body but proportionally long arms now I'm an adult.
DS1 is now nearly 7 and his arms and legs are quite long and spidershanky.
DS2 is 2 - he can barely hold onto a ball above his head, and certainly not if it's a football - his arms are too short.

But I have found the name for the growth pattern, and it's the same for all humans - it's called allometric growth, that means different body parts definitely don't all grow at the same rate as each other. :)

Forgiven moin

That's really interesting about the allometric growth. I really did think ds's arms were too short but couldn't work out why dd was ok. She was tall for her age. Ds was/is short for his age. That was probably why his arms took longer to catch up with his age.

My DS1 wasn't diagnosed with dyspraxia/autism until he was nine. You just can't assume a child has "no problems" at six. No diagnosed issues, yes.
My son was not able to wipe his bum until around six. He just didn't poo at school. He didn't wee at school either even after I got the GP to explain to him why he should. But he just couldn't explain what he didn't understand.
He finally learned. He finds all these physical coordination things very hard and takes a long time to learn.
Please be less judgey, folks. The parent isn't always choosing to do things like this you know!

My mum used to say, and I don't remember this but she does, that I could go to school when I could reach my opposite ear over the top of my head. I don't think it was intentional, but I'm fairly sure a child who can do that can also reach to wipe their bum. :) Some sort of folk wisdom?!

I guess so, Dontcallmebaby! It's not just about reach, it's about movement of the hand and wrist as well.

Artandco, when your boys were very little, did you hold them on the loo, with just a normal seat? Tell me your methodology, I would like to try it. DS is now 10mo...