To ask when your child could wipe their own bottom?

[Writerwannabe83]

I popped in to see my auntie earlier as her Godson was there (who I've known a few years) as it's his 6th birthday in a few days and I wanted to pop his present round.

Whilst I was there he asked to go to the toilet and when he hadn't reappeared after a few minutes she called up to him to check he was ok. He shouted down that he'd had a poo so could she go up. She told me that he doesn't know how to clean himself and every time he has a poo the adult has to wipe his bottom for him.

I asked her if she meant that he tries to do it himself and then the adult checks to see he has done it properly but she said no, he just sits on the toilet and waits for the adult to do it for him.

This child doesn't have any additional needs by the way.

I was a bit shocked that a 6 year old can't wipe their own bottom. Or am I being naive and this is in fact quite typical??

It makes no odds to me but if it is the norm then I need to prepare DH as he makes a song and dance about changing DS's dirty nappies I think I should let him know that he's in it for the long haul

DD is just 4 and I still wipe for her because she cannot seem to grasp which direction front to back means.

I don't know why so many people are amazed or shocked.

All children are different

DS1 had to at just turned 3 as he went to nursery school.

No one is wiping bums at school!

Ds still asked me to "check" up til when he was 6.5. I was happy to. I honestly think it was just too awkward and clumsy-and he new he couldn't do it properly.
He never went in school, he's v regular. Every night before bed!

Well I am surprised because once a child goes to school no one is allowed to wipe their bum, so a 5yo who can't do it themselves is being rather poorly prepared for school IMO. And I feel a bit sorry for them. But maybe they just don't pooh at school.

I was actually just having the conversation with 3.5 year old DD2 today that she's going to have to start making more of an effort to do it herself, because by September (when she starts school) no one will be there doing it for her.

My DS is 8 and still can't do it properly. He just can't grasp the concept of wiping until he's clean, so whilst he'll have a go, he'll still miss most of it and then it dries and sticks, not to mention smells. So his pants are dirty, his trousers need washing and on occasion I've had to wash a cushion cover.

I really don't understand why he can't do it, I've tried everything. I'm sure he'll get it at some point.

Some children just do struggle with getting their arm around to do it, or have constipation and the associated issues, so struggle to get clean - not necessarily because a parent hasn't made the effort to teach them.

They may well have a go at school but not make a good job, or not poo at school.

And, yes, there are some children with sn who will have their bottom's wiped at school or nappies changed.

Here's how my 5 year old non-bum-wiping boy manages at school - he doesn't poo there. Just like I never used to poo anywhere but at my house with a lockable door!

I'm OK now. I'm sure my son will be, too.

I have heard that flushable wipes/moist loo roll is a help if DC are struggling. Not sure how good they are for the environment (or your drains!) but may be a short-term solution.

Poirot'smoustache - does your ds use flushable wipes at all?

I made up a kit with some wipes, a bag and a spare pair of knickers to put in dd's bag.

There may be reasons. My DS was trained at 3 and could wipe his bum clean from the start. No idea why I guess I was lucky.

Is it the children can't or won't do it.

Ds2 is 4.5 and he wipes himself but occasionally needs a bit of help.

OK of course children with some SN will have nappies changed etc at school.

Sorry I thought we were talking about NT children - and IMO being able to wee and poo and wipe your bum is probably the most useful thing to be able to do before starting school.

Ds is 5 and wipes himself but his poos are always really sloppy and messy, so I wipe him if I'm at home when he goes.

Dd is nearly 3, fully potty trained, but again, I wipe her. Her poos are also sloppy and messy. I'm worried about her getting a uti if she does it herself.

I am teaching them both but stuff always gets left behind.

hazeyjane He does use flushable wipes, he just can't (or maybe won't) accept that it needs more than one wipe to clean. But that's just at home - I never thought of giving him wipes to use at school. I think I'll take a leaf out of your book and send him in with a little kit. Thank you!

I agree on wipes not being flushable. I used to know a plumber who said he got masses of business from 'flushable' wipes. Ditto people daft enough to flush baby wipes.

DD is 4 and consistently 'forgets' to dab herself after a wee, although she is confident going to the toilet on her own. With a firm reminder, she will do it. She's no good at all for poos (but hers do tend to be softer and therefore a bit messier). She's not at school yet, so we have time to get this sorted.

Sorry I just mentioned children with sn, as there seemed to be a reaction of, 'no way will bottoms be wiped in school', and, well sometimes they are!

Yes of course it is a useful skill, as is being able to get your coat on, find your name etc, but children starting school at 4 are all at different stages of development and some of them might need a little more time.

OK, bottoms will not be wiped in school unless there is a specific care plan and staffing available.

I know overuse of flushable wipes block drains (as do luxury toilet papers apparently!) but I hoped that using eco ones sparingly might be ok. We don't seem to need them anymore, but they helped for a short time.

DD was 6 before she could/would wipe herself. She didn't poo at school, so no issues there. It was the one item on the 'ready for school' checklist she didn't meet, not a huge deal IMO. I might have encouraged her a bit more if she'd been a boy, but a girl with a badly wiped bum is thrush or a UTI waiting to happen, and no one needs that.

both of mine have been pretty good at this from an early age, and were fully able to wipe effectively by three and a half or so.

problem with 4yo dd2 is that while she wipes well after poos, she's a dirty wee beastie who can't be bothered to wipe after wees, and so gets a sore bum from time to time, so we still prompt her quite a lot to avoid this.