10 yr old on a bus

[moomooland01]

AIBU to think that a 10 yr old is to young to travel 6 miles in a bus to McDonald's with his 12 yr old brother is to young?
They've been at dads this weekend and I've just found out.
I can see it now "here's 20 quid get out of my sight"

God forbid that I'd ever send mine up the road for a take away

If the kids were ok with it, I don't really see it's a big issue. I let mine have McDonalds as a treat.

I think that the difficulty here is your children being allowed to do something that you wouldn't allow.

Really you need to keep the rules similar between houses, but it's incredibly difficult and probably impractical, given that you are NC with exh.

Perhaps presenting it to the court in that way might be of more use to you, that you and exh can't agree on the rules. Clear boundaries really help children to feel confident and secure, so by him allowing things you wouldn't your children will suffer.

That said it works both ways, he could argue that you're being too strict, and as we can see from the thread its a split between both camps.

Can you write to your exh and try and set some boundaries that will work in both households to help the kids?

I was just turned 11 when I had to catch the bus 4 miles then walk through a town centre and then to school. This was only 13 years ago. I was sometimes had my 11 yo friend with me. I don't see the issue if both children were ok with it.

Did they take the bus back as well? For me that would be the hard bit as they would have to know the bus time back and get themselves to the bus stop on time. What if the bus was late or didn't show up at all?

Actually, this ^^ has just reminded me of something.

Where I live in London, the buses are every 10 minutes and run throughout the night. The next bus time is displayed on an electronic board at the bus stops. There's even a phone app that will track the arrival of the next bus.

Last August, I stayed in a rural place halfway between Lowestoft and Great Yarmouth. The buses into town only ran every hour, they were frequently late and there was no way of tracking them.

Perhaps this is why some of our replies are so hugely diverse? Either way, the OP gave nowhere near enough information really.

Even where the OP says, I can see it now, here's 20 quid get out of my sight

That doesn't mean it's what actually happened.

So the moral of this story is (as always!), it really does depend on the child and the area

My two have gone out and bought takeaway on a Friday or Saturday evening a few times over the last year (9 & 12); they love it and beg to be allowed to go and do it on their own as it makes them feel more grown up.

I have left them in the supermarket cafe on their own with money whilst I shop from 8 & 11, and they have been going to the cinema on their own for the last year too.

I wouldn't have left the youngest without his brother, but tbh he is ready to do things alone (as in confident to) already due to having been doing it with his brother - he will be more than ready to do things on his own by 11.

It is really down to the individual child and the individual circumstances - but by 11 they should definitely be starting to push their comfort zones a bit.
I don't think giving them money to go out and get dinner is neglect if they wanted to do it. If they really didn't, then it's not on obviously.

My two would have considered that an adventure at 10.

Was it his idea, or theirs?

As a ten year old boy my morning commute took a couple of hours and consisted of a walk to a bus stop, journey into local town, walk a mile to the train station, on to the train, change trains with a 20 min wait in the middle, and then finish up with a walk to school.

Also used to get packed off on my own on flights from about the age of 6-7 (looked after by an airline rep, obviously).

It's called self reliance.

YABU.

sounds perfectly normal to me. If my 10 or 12 year old children weren't able to make an afternoon/early evening short trip on the bus to town by themselves I'd be worried that they were rather mollycoddled or developmentally had problems.f

If you want to come up with examples of neglect/negligance for a court hearing you need to find something much more serious. I think most judges would find this laughable.

I can see now I was probably being a little unreasonable.
Eldest hates buses, first think they're cool and refuses to catch them anywhere.
10 yr old is streetwise but he's cocky and they can get quite silly together and they fight like mad.
He's chuffed with himself so I haven't made an issue of it although now he's back he hates us all cause dad lets him do what he wants.....

"Can you write to your exh and try and set some boundaries that will work in both households to help the kids?" I think this is difficult tbh. How many women on here would agree with an op whose ex disagreed with the freedoms they gave their kids? When you have separate houses it can just be a fact that one party may give different freedoms to another one and again unless those differences actively put the children in danger there's very little you can do about it, especially if you don't have decent communication.

If my ex tried to set boundaries as to what I did/didn't allow when ds is here I would be unimpressed and would tell him that in no uncertain terms, so it does go both ways, if we as mothers wouldn't appreciate having boundaries set by ex's then we can't expect to have it the other way around...

He doesn't have boundaries.
Last year they both lived with him, he allowed them to camp out and they were seen walking the streets at 5am! He didn't think anything of it, eating in mind they were 8 and 10 at the time, just before their birthdays. Honest, he just sees it as "as long as you're from under my feet"
Eldest cried to me once, he wanted to stay in and he was told,"here's 15 quid, now eff off" he left the money and made his way to mine.
They were fine on the bus though, I'm glad they enjoyed it, I can stop worrying about their "first bus journey" now at least.

I don't think it's a panic issue, though if I were the OP I'd like to know whether the boys thought it was a treat or whether they were being fobbed off by a lazy father.

I was getting the bus 9 miles to school at 11 (summer birthday), and walking a mile to school at the other end, and doing the same journey in reverse on dark winter evenings. I now dispatch DC off on a similar journey, from a similar age. They have gone out to cat feeding jobs on dark winter evenings from 10/11. Learning to deal with the dark is all part of growing up and yes, it does depend on the child and where you live, but 12 and 10 sounds fine to me if they are averagely sensible boys.

tbh op if he's as lax as you say then IMO a bit of independence is a good thing as they will have more ability to come and go as they please iyswim. That can only be a good think ;)