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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

10 yr old on a bus

114 replies

moomooland01 · 15/11/2014 23:46

AIBU to think that a 10 yr old is to young to travel 6 miles in a bus to McDonald's with his 12 yr old brother is to young?
They've been at dads this weekend and I've just found out.
I can see it now "here's 20 quid get out of my sight"

OP posts:
Mehitabel6 · 16/11/2014 07:49

Sounds fine to me, if they were happy about it. I think there are deeper issues.

Innocuoususername · 16/11/2014 07:54

Sounds fine to me, and I say that as someone living in a supposedly rough bit of London. As others have pointed out, many kids this age have more complicated journeys to school everyday. Kids need to learn this stuff and to be streetwise, otherwise you'll be coming back on here in 5 years time moaning that your teens expect you to run them round everywhere.

socially · 16/11/2014 07:59

I think the bus is fine, but their dad's attitude stinks.

CSIJanner · 16/11/2014 08:01

Did the dad ring or ask them to ring him when they got home safely?

magpiegin · 16/11/2014 08:02

If the boys want to do the journey, which is not clear as the 12 year old hates busses but will then say 'dad let me' then it is fine.

Claw- not being allowed out until 15 is very unusual. It sounds like to me that you have an issue about the dark, if so I would try not to pass your anxieties to your kids. Also if your 10 year old falls off or into things when it's dark out then I would get her eyes tested,

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/11/2014 08:04

Isn't that what most kids that age do? Get buses to town or to school?

Seriously are all your secondary schools five mins down the road be case otherwise they are pretty much going to be travelling in the dark all winter.

Both there and back.

The dad's attitude stinks but at ten and twelve being given money to go to Macdonalds would have been a real novelty for me.

MrSheen · 16/11/2014 08:06

In london some children travel on the bus to school alone

People do this all over the country. I did from 10 (2 busses and a train) and many of my classmates were doing it on big, intercity trains. It was also perfectly normal to mess about in town, wistfully looking at make-up and toners/shaders hair dye in superdrug, for an hour or so after school. If someone had given us £20 for food then that would not have been considered neglect. I'm not even that old. I'm pretty shocked that people were not allowed out in the dark until they were 15.

MrSheen · 16/11/2014 08:07

A friend of mine fell off a wall and broke her foot in a city centre in the dark Sad. There may have been other factors.

NancyRaygun · 16/11/2014 08:08

Do they have mobiles? Sorry if I have missed it if this has been covered! I just think that would make a big difference in how confident I would feel letting DC do this.

BikeRunSki · 16/11/2014 08:12

At 9 I was getting the tube to school by mysf, changing lines and crossing a busy main road when I got there. Didn't phase me at all, but I grew up in central London.
Now I live in a rural village and my neighbour worries about her 10 yo DD walking 300m to school by herself.

I think it all depends on the children and how confident and happy they are about travelling on public transport alone. That said, 2 hours on a bus alone and a takeaway isn't much quality contact with their dad.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 16/11/2014 08:13

Depends on the kids and the place.

I'd imagine tunbridge wells at midnight to be safer than my town centre at midday.

chrome100 · 16/11/2014 08:15

I think it's absolutely fine. They are not too young at all.

SaucyJack · 16/11/2014 08:17

I wouldn't let mine do it either. DD1 is 10 in March and there's no chance of her going into town on her own without me anytime soon.

But I do worry about the generation of kids we're raising when 10 & 12 year olds catching a bus to Maccy D's at 5 pm seems shocking.

We had so much more freedom as children than most kids today do. I'm not sure we're doing them any favours really. A twelve year old should be able to catch a bleddy bus without fussing.

Taz1212 · 16/11/2014 08:19

Depends on the child. DS started taking the bus/train home on his own (and in the dark in winter) when he had after school activities at the age of 11. He has a 5-10 minute walk to the bus stop then a bus ride into the city centre then a 10 minute walk to the train station and a 25 minute train trip home. He thinks it's a great adventure.

The funny thing is that everyone I've spoken to who lives in the city thinks it's perfectly normal for a child to be doing such a trip but everyone around where we live has invariably been horrified- you'd think we're completely neglectful parents with some of the reactions!

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 16/11/2014 08:23

It depends on the child and the situation. Most 12 and 10 year olds should be capable of this, but not all will be.

My dc started going into town on the bus aged 12 and 10. I went with them a couple of times to make sure they knew what to do, how to get the bus home etc. My older dc was a very nervous, unconfident 12 year old so I did need to go through various scenarios with them to ensure he could cope. He was used to catching the bus to school but that is very different.

Claw it is very weird not to let a 13 or 14 year old out after dark by themselves. I suspect that because you were very sheltered you find it hard to believe that it's perfectly ok for most 10 and 12 year olds to be out at 5pm on an autumn evening. As others have said, a 12 year old will be getting him/herself to school and back in the dark.

MokunMokun · 16/11/2014 08:23

Did they take the bus back as well? For me that would be the hard bit as they would have to know the bus time back and get themselves to the bus stop on time. What if the bus was late or didn't show up at all?

I used to take the bus to school at that age but it was different as the bus left from near my house at a set time and dropped us in front of school. Then left school at a set time and dropped me off near home. It's a lot easier than getting a bus home by myself in the town centre at night.

I imagine they thought it was a great adveture but so much could have easily gone wrong.

wigfieldrocks · 16/11/2014 08:33

Totally agree with ChippinginAutumnLover that shoving two young kids a tenner and sending them out in the dark to sort out their own tea sounds like neglect. I have a 12 year old who has been going out and about with his friends all over the local area for a long time and I am in no way an over protective parent but I would not be allowing him to get a bus 6 miles away in the dark leaving him responsible for a younger child. You know your own children and if this makes you feel uncomfortable then there's probably a good reason for it. Not all 12 year olds are as mature as others, particularly boys. Sorry but 12 years old is still very much a child!!

WannaBe · 16/11/2014 08:33

it really does depend on the child and the area, but I do agree that after dark isn't ideal, especially at this time of year when e.g. fireworks are thrown at passers by depending on where you live and e.g. on a saturday night when 5:00 is when the football matches finish so again, depending on where you live you can be encountering hoards of loud obnoxious football fans on public transport and in the city centres heading to the pub.

it sounded as if the op was projecting what she thought had happened, not that she knew that her ex had shoved £20 at them ad told them to get out of his sight.

and am a bit Hmm at the poster suggesting that allowing children out alone on his contact time is shit and that all of it should be spent with him. After all he is their parent too, contact time isn't a 24/7 thing is it? they should be living normally when there too and that includes being given the freedom to do things alone if they so choose.

unfortunately you have very little say in what your ex allows when you are no longer together as long as it isn't putting the children in danger, and while I wouldn't be overly happy about it, it isn't essentially dangerous it's just beyond what I might want to happen iyswim.

Greengrow · 16/11/2014 09:20

Depends on the child and the parents' views. Our have always been pretty independent. I remember one of my sons was very into bus routes aged ten and spent a lot of time looking up routes on line. He discovered children his age could travel free with London transport on buses and he used to plan his route - only a mile or so. One day his friend who came to play went with him. I said they should check the other boy's mother would not mind. He said she was fine with it. When they got back apparently she wasn't fine with it.

As for contact time those of us who work full time and have our children living with us all the time don't spend all the time with them. They have nannies, child minders and nurseries so I don't see why when the other parent has them they have to be with that parent all the time.

Our oldest got a school coach - 30 mins - to school aged 5.

Children do benefit from having parents who let them be independent.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle · 16/11/2014 09:23

I sent my kids, aged 11, on a bus to and from school. The eldest was completely on his own for a year, and then had his younger brother to mind (if he took any notice of him but that's a whole other can of worms Grin)

Their bus took an hour. It was dark when they came home, and if they stayed after school they didn't get home until after 6pm.

Surely they have to learn?

skylark2 · 16/11/2014 09:32

At 12 my daughter was responsible for her 9 year old brother getting on and off the school bus every day - getting off involved identifying the correct stop on a long dual carriageway with multiple roundabouts and nearly always nobody else using that stop. If she was ill he had to do it on his own. Yes, in the dark in winter. One time he got it wrong, missed the stop, and rang from the next village up for me to go collect him. The world didn't end and at 13 he was walking across the city daily to change public buses at 4.30 in the dark because it gave him more flexibility than the school bus.

But I do think there's a big difference between "here's £20, get out of my sight and buy your tea, town's that way" and "now you're a bit older, how would you like to make that McDonalds trip we do on your own this time, are you confident to do that?"

I agree that a child not being allowed out without an adult until they are 15 is bizarre.

duchesse · 16/11/2014 09:33

DS used to take the bus to judo in Montreal aged just 10, and back again. Friends' twins (May birthdays) and other friend's son (also May birthday) were taking themselves to secondary school 10 miles on public transport in London from their first day there (so aged 11 and 1/4). Knowing how to use buses is a good thing, as is a bit of independence.

HOWEVER, it sounds like your Ex is being a twat, and was just a bit tired of parenting. He doesn't sound excessively reliable. Just as well your DC are a bit older. As long as they know they can call you if they are not comfortable about something, they should be fine long-term. But, being sent out of the house to buy crap food on an access weekend because parent B couldn't be bothered is completely crap.

hippo123 · 16/11/2014 09:35

Sounds fine to me.

Eastpoint · 16/11/2014 09:41

We live in London, my youngest was 11 & 1 month when she moved to secondary school & has travelled independently ever since. She'd catch the tube/buses with friends before then. Much better than is driving them around.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 16/11/2014 09:46

being sent out of the house to buy crap food on an access weekend because parent B couldn't be bothered is completely crap.

I agree.

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