to think planning a wedding is doable in 18 months from scratch?

[kiwicatastrophe]

Please don't flame. We haven't planned or decided or thought of a single thing and it's feeling a bit overwhelming. We have Dc2 due in may and I don't want that to be anymore stressful than it will be (lots of other things going on). Anyone that's congratulated us on our engagement has made a huge point of how if we don't book soon they will all be booked up and they all when we say we don't know where we are having it. The thought of thinking of any of it after what people have been saying is making me feel like I've got no idea what I'm doing. It's like our whole families have gone bridezilla asking constantly if so and so can be bridesmaid ect and I just want to scream leave me alone we don't know what we're doing. I know they are all just excited and not trying to be rude at all but am I right in thinking it's just not doable. should we postpone another year or two?

I planned mine in 3 days. But then it only cost me £200

3 weeks and that was enough. Any longer I would have topped myself. Hated every bit.

Thinking back, one of my top tips would be 'choose a really broad colour theme'. Pick a season, say, or a concept like Beach or Ancient Rome, and write down the five or six colours you associate with that theme. Heck, you can even google 'beach theme shades' and get swatch cards :)
Stick with your theme and everything will hang together without all that irritating matchy-matchy stuff!

Why is a wedding different to any other party?

I have never planned a wedding but I plan three or four big parties a year. By big I mean with over 50 guests, a venue, invitations, food and drink provided by me, activities and features and entertainment etc. I do have two small children. Often the parties are for said children. Often they are Christmas events, big family get togetherness, etc.

I understand there might be a bit more bureaucracy surrounding a wedding but generally I book somewhere for a party and send out some invitations a couple of weeks beforehand, then buy everything I need for it a couple of days in advance. So 18 days not 18 months.

I'm not sure why a wedding party needs so much more lead in time than an anniversary party, a graduation party or a birthday party, all of which I have arranged in the last 12 months with venues ranging from hotels to church halls to pubs and all involving cakes, invitations, entertainment, catering, drinks, accommodations, gifts etc.

We I had our wedding organised in 7 weeks. Easy peasy

I got married this year with a 1 year old and 3 year old in tow. We got engaged when I was pregnant with number 2 and spend about 18 months planning.
We started looking at venues around 18 months and I would say it is worth doing that as soon as you can as they do start to book up (although if you are flexible on dates you will be able to get what you want). My plan was get the venue booked so we had a date and venue and then do nothing else until after the baby had come and I was on maternity. A few people and things I read also recommended booking a photographer as obviously they can only do 1 wedding at a time. So we booked that too. But then didn't do anything till after baby.
I started dress shopping when baby was about 3 months, and about 11 months before wedding. To get a new wedding dress you will need about 6 months to get the order and then time for fittings. So if you plan that leave enough time. But there are plenty of places to buy dresses off the peg.
Some things were easy to sort, some took ages and were a bit stressful. But mostly I think having kids meant that I was able to keep things in perspective. You can't spend every minute of everyday obsessing about your wedding as you have more important things to be doing. And I was probably more realistic about what I could do. My initial thought re a cake was 'well I can do that'. I very quickly thought 'when the hell am I going to do that?!'. I bought a cake!
Anyway, in summary - you can do it, its plenty of time, and tell everyone else to bugger off!

Of course it is.

We started planning in February 2013 and got married in June 2014, so did it all in 16 months. When I say 'started planning' we booked the church and venue and sent save the dates out in Feb 2013...nothing else got done/looked at (except vague discussions dh and I had) until February 2014.

So really, other than booking the church and venue, we did all the planning in about 4 months. I started looking for dressed in March and bought my dress 8 weeks before the wedding (from a wedding dress shop no less...'having' to buy a dress 12 months in advance is tosh!)

I really don't see why some people get so would up over a wedding, or find it so stressful.

We had a reasonably large and traditional wedding. Church, 2 wedding cars, co-ordinated colours (bunting, chair covers, favours, table plan - you get the picture), 4 tier cake, bridal party, hair and make up ladies, all day affair.

I suppose it is a 'lot' to organise, but I really just don't see why some people find it so time consuming.

When we were in the 'actual' planning phase, dh and I made a list, then split it. So I had the room decorations, dresses for the girls (including me), flowers and hair/make up to organise. Dh had the cake, cars, suits. Etc. We each took our lists, spent a few hours over the space of a couple of weeks making visits to get quotes and taking pictures of the cars/flowers etc to show the other. Then we sat down one evening, spent about 2 hours going through it all and making the decisions, then an hour making phone calls and payments to book it all.

It was the same with the table plan. A friend of mine spent days doing hers and nearly drove herself to a breakdown re-doing it over and over. Dh and I had one fantastic evening where we had a competition (well was good for us to exercise our competitive sides anyway). We had a huge piece of paper each and a pack of post its. We each did separate table plans for the guests, then compared them and went through our reasoning. It took about 3 hours and 3 bottles of wine. DH 'won' because his was the best, with a few adjustments. But it was fun. We laughed ourselves silly and once we had our actual finished plan and by that point were both a tad pissed we spent another hour doing a 'worst day ever' plan, where we sat people next to each other completely inappropriately - such as two very deaf relatives, or his 80 year old (vocal) misogynistic Grandfather next to a friend of mine who is a very active feminist. Was very entertaining imagining the outcome!

It will only be as stressful as you make it.

I don't get the bridezilla thing either. With a nearly 50% chance of a marriage ending in divorce -best to keep your cash for a safer bet. But then I am an old cynic.

For us, we met, and two weeks later we decided to marry and then a month after that we married. We'd known each other 6 weeks. I think we spent a couple of weeks ruling things out and then organised it. Very simple and nothing difficult.

I'm not suggesting that it's a good thing to do, or that others should follow suit, but depending upon what you want, very doable.

Of course if you are planning Kylie/Elton or 1D as your wedding band you might need to get your act together now.....

We planned ours in 4months x

Yes. Can be done a weeks or days if you flexiable re location etc so 18 months is plenty. I think mine took 6 months whilst my sisters were weeks then they delayed by one year for other reasons.

"chair backs..chair backs for f---s s.ake"

Chairs come with backs. There is absolutely no need to faff about with pretentious crap that neither you nor your guests will actually give a flying fish about any other day of your life - or even on your wedding day.

You don't have to buy into everything that the commercial companies are trying to sell you. There aren't rules - well, not many. You need a ring. You don't need a colour theme, multiple bridesmaids and ushers, a wedding breakfast, "full coverage" photography, a video, favours, an evening party, a special first dance, to arrive or leave in a fancy vehicle, to leave direct from the wedding to your honeymoon... these are all options. Have the ones you want, not the ones you think you should have.

Poor thing. You sound overwhelmed. That's understandable because of being a parent and expecting your next baby.

I am not an "organised" person iykwim. But we went from "no idea" to wedding day (quite formal, 100 ppl) in less than four months.
The only stressful parts were family issues tbh.
But that was pre Dc, and it can be hard to have the headspace to think once you have kids.

I think you might benefit from making your own, personal priority list. One that only applies to Kiwi. Not the "set your budget" one that you have to do with Dp but the one that is really important for you to feel in control and not overwhelmed.
So, it might be (this is a guess and might seem shallow or trivial but its an example, and it would be my own silly way of thinking

1. I want to wear X and be X size. How soon can I get "thin"?
2. Guests(general idea)
3. What sort of day?

Thats it. The rest you can plan with Dh or your bridesmaids or whoever. You just stick rigidly to your own personal wishes and requirements and you can then be more flexible about some of the details.

You can definitely do it.
If e church you want is available then just book it. And take it from there.

Good points there skylark

skylark I'm with you on the chair backs.

Although the £2 bolts of "chair back tulle" you can buy on eBay make fab tutus for two year olds so are useful for something

Is there somewhere near you chosen church where you could have your reception? Thats often a sticking point.
We ended up having a civil ceremony in an hotel because there was nowhere near our church to have the reception. Just would not accommodate our numbers. Its was a shame. But I couldn't be doing with transporting ppl back and forth.

Yy chunder. Thats the issue.
Shall we plan your wedding kiwi?

I organised our wedding in 12 months, and sat my university finals 3 months before the big day.

It is perfectly do-able - and I hope that you have a wonderful time planning the day and on the day itself!

Totally doable! From memory (it was a long time ago) it took us less than 12 months and that was for a very traditional wedding.

The only think I would say is that if you have your heart set on a particular (and popular) venue and want a Saturday wedding, then you might run into difficulties. Once you have the reception and ceremony venues sorted, you're more than halfway there. From then on you can make it as simple or complicated as you like. Make sure you make contact with whoever you want to perform the service asap. There may be very specific requirements if it's a religious service. We had a few hoops to jump through as DH's Grandfather married us, but by then he had retired and didn't have his own church. It took a bit of tricky negotiation to persuade the Minister to allow us to borrow his church for the ceremony.

Cripes what a dilemma? Good luck

You will be fine. We planned our wedding in just under 6 months and weren't by any means working on it constantly.

What a nightmare. Hop off down to London and get married in Chelsea Registry Office next week, like the celebs, spend all the money on a fantastic honeymoon. It's your wedding, who cares what anyone else thinks?