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Original poster

People who public Facebook message their partners etc

130 replies

Peppasavedmylife · 11/11/2014 20:34

I may be a dinosaur, but why do so many people I know on FB wish their partner, who they live with and see every day, happy birthday etc on their public walls? Usually with lots of lovey dovey stuff and nicknames...my db did this to his wife recently and I know that they were both in their living room at the time of him posting, and her replying. Is it an attention/insecurity thing, or am I just too private/boring?!

OP posts:
hildasmuriel · 13/11/2014 08:51

I have my own rules about how I use FB but I accept those are my rules, if I don't like what others post I hide it, or for serial offenders unfollow or or defriend. Some over sharers are very cheap entertainment though and make me laugh with rubbish updates.

Personally I think it is about expressing yourself so if it is the anniversary of my Grandma's death I would talk about how I miss her rather than address it to her. Ditto if my dog went missing! I do say Happy Birthday to any friend on there, including close family, as I think it is nice to get birthday messages on there and makes the person feel good. It doesn't replace the personal ones.

I almost never share the mountain of rubbish spam but I have friends who have charities and causes close to their hearts and would always like and sometimes share those personal ones, just not the 'share if you are against (insert terrible disease, disability, criminal activity etc) type.

Betsy003 · 13/11/2014 08:57

deleting isn't an option because they are family/friends. Hiding is also tricky because I will be quizzed on posts in real life

Betsy003 · 13/11/2014 09:03

I understand its about expressing yourself but there's an invisible line. On one side you have over-sharing and on the other side of the line there's a more normal sharing spectrum.

I wouldn't post very personal private messages to my DH on FB for the same reasons I wouldn't snog him senseless at the entrance to tescos. SmileGrin

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/11/2014 09:12

Just say you didn't see them, FB must be doing that thing of prioritising some posts more than others again. I have unfollowed some family members because their posts are irritating, but I check their wall manually from time to time, it doesn't seem so irritating if you have looked at it deliberately rather than had it appear randomly on your wall.

SomethingFunny · 13/11/2014 09:19

The five most recent posts on my facebook feed:

  1. useful stuff about school
  2. suggested app advert which I cannot get rid of
  3. some shared story about something boring and irrelevant (deleted)
  4. an annoying "what kind of xxx would you be?" share (deleted)
  5. "news" that a friend liked someone I dont know's album (deleted)

So one post out of 5 that I am actually interested in. 2/5 are fb being annoying (friend liking Her friends album and the suggested app). But 2/5 are friends sharing rubbish. Grrrrrr.

Stupidhead · 13/11/2014 09:39

DP used to do this when we were long distance. When we moved in together he deleted FB.

I do enjoy the arguments couples have on FB when you know they're in the same room. I met up with DP and his friends after reading one particular barney and they were all laughing about it - men are as bad as women for gossip Smile

I do know a couple who have serious problems in their marriage and he has taken to tagging her in everything, photos of every meal and mentioning her in every comment. He'll then go to work and slag her off and talk about the love of his life who is in another country - his wife slags him off too in private. It's like pretending to an audience that they're so happy, I just don't get it.

mckayz · 13/11/2014 14:09

My DH spends most of his time floating about at oil rigs off the coast of Africa so there is no way I can ring or text him. The ships also tend to have really crap internet so we can usually only use FB as it seems to work better than his emails for some reason. But we stick to the message part. Every now and then we'll comment on a status or picture.

I am still struggling to work out why some people are so worked up about a husband and wife saying happy birthday to each other on FB.

Hullygully · 13/11/2014 14:10

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv odd

dexter73 · 13/11/2014 14:26

mckayz - in the op it specifies people who live with each other and see each other every day so it is different to your case. Surely you would say happy birthday to your husband/wife/whatever when you see them rather than posting a message on fb.

ohlordyplordy · 13/11/2014 15:54

My bil and his wife post pics and both comment on them. They do this in the evenings when they are clearly sat next to each other on the sofa - it's very odd and makes me cringe.

fourwoodenchairs · 13/11/2014 15:56

It's very wanky.

Another reason I don't have Facebook.

Bambambini · 13/11/2014 16:53

Me and the husband aren't even friends on FB. Only time we cross words is when we both post on a mutual friends post. I always feel surprised and spied on. Feels a bit stalkerish.

VanitasVanitatum · 13/11/2014 16:56

hully ! De ja vu...

velvetspoon · 13/11/2014 17:52

I only have people I'm friends with on FB. It doesn't bother me seeing them say happy birthday to their spouses. Why would it?

My bf and I tag each other in statuses, and comment on each others posts, though clearly not in an overly lovey dovey way as a fb friend messaged me the other day to say she thought he was a bit keen on me and was he single..so we can't be that bad if she didn't realise he was my bf!

As for commemorating birthdays of deceased relatives, if you can't understand why someone would do that I can only assume you've never suffered a loss. I know lots of people visit the graves of family members on their birthdays and lay flowers. My parents grave is not easy for me to get to, so I commemorate their birthdays virtually on fb instead. Is that really so odd or difficult to understand?

m0therofdragons · 13/11/2014 18:01

I did write a status about a shopping trip I had been on and added sorry dh but that was meant to be a bit funny. Sometimes I tag him in things I want him to see as he'll see it at work..
However, I would never wish him happy birthday on fb. I also don't get mums writing happy birthday to their dc who aren't on fb.

GoldenKelpie · 13/11/2014 18:04

I've got fb friends and relatives whose posts range from tmi postings to hardly any posts at all. I just accept their posting behaviour, its how they are on fb. Nobody's perfect.

m0therofdragons · 13/11/2014 18:05

Why would you be on fb and not have your dh as a friend? That's just weird. Your best friend in the world's excluded from your fb page, what don't you want them to see?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/11/2014 18:08

DH and I are friends on FB, but I have never ever tagged him on anything, never sent him a message, only very occasionally commented on one of his posts, same with him to me. We're not private about it, both leave ourselves logged on all the time, but it seems pointless to me speaking to someone you live with (neither of us goes away without the other other than for the odd night). However I really don't have a problem with anyone else doing it. Neither of us have our birthdays showing on there either, so no happy birthdays.

As for remembering those who are no longer with us, apart from privately in a group with some relatives I don't do it, but find it moving when others do.

Bambambini · 13/11/2014 19:43

"Why would you be on fb and not have your dh as a friend? That's just weird. Your best friend in the world's excluded from your fb page, what don't you want them to see it?"

Because I live with him, I see Fb as for friends and family I don't get to see often. Like chatting with friends and saying and sharing silly stuff.

Stupidhead · 14/11/2014 08:21

Like I said, DP isn't on FB anymore but his friends are and they're friends with me. He'll often come home or send me a random text about something his pals have seen and told him about. That can be awkward Confused

juliesarab · 14/11/2014 11:18

Just reinforces my opinion of facebook that it is just one massive popularity contest. Hate the bloody thing

BrendaBlackhead · 14/11/2014 11:32

I just don't get it. Not at all.

I know someone who does this very thing - messaging backwards and forwards with her dp when they are obviously sitting right next to each other about their dc. All that, "Oooh, coochey, coochey, dd is so cute!!" and he replies, "Kiss, kiss, our beautiful princess" etc etc. It is absolutely bizarre. Bizarre! What's more bizarre than bizarre?

I hate FB, Twitter etc - it's all talking and no listening. Why the hell do people think other people are interested in them? It's just all so desperate .

BrendaBlackhead · 14/11/2014 11:36

Re the commemoration of dead people, I do know one instance - terribly sad - where the mother keeps her dd's FB page going - and posts as if it were her and wants her friends to continue normal service. It's just dreadful as the friends/relatives of the girl (well, woman actually it was) feel very awkward about it but don't know how to tail off.

browneyedgirl86 · 14/11/2014 11:36

I don't like Facebook. I have it but only because there's a group im a member of and I like the chat on there. I don't post pics or anything and rarely comment on my wall or anyone else's. I use it so infrequently I get into trouble off a friend regularly becuase she posts her every breath on Facebook and because I use it so infrequently I miss a lot of it so she gets upset that I'm "not interested in her life"

I don't wish DP happy birthday on Facebook. He doesn't to me either. I'm not bothered. He doesn't need to. He sees me and does it in person!

Bambambini · 15/11/2014 00:11

Well maybe I'm just lucky that my friends post funny posts, little observations about life where everyone gets a say, folk from all over the world able to chip in and have a conversation. Some share some interesting articles about what's going on in their area or country. My friends and family who I don't get to see can share little bits of their lives, what their kids are up to, photos etc. can be a great way of keeping in touch in an informal way. I don't recognise FB that people post about on here.