People who public Facebook message their partners etc

[Peppasavedmylife]

I may be a dinosaur, but why do so many people I know on FB wish their partner, who they live with and see every day, happy birthday etc on their public walls? Usually with lots of lovey dovey stuff and nicknames...my db did this to his wife recently and I know that they were both in their living room at the time of him posting, and her replying. Is it an attention/insecurity thing, or am I just too private/boring?!

It's horribly cringey to see. I am friends with a couple on facebook. He is quite domineering and insecure to the point where she doesn't come on nights out much anymore. They go out together, or he goes out, but when she does come out with a few of our friends (only to our town or the next town away, usually for dinner and drinks, nothing raucous), she drives and doesn't drink, or he picks her up at 11pm. I find their relationship (as an outsider) becoming more and more unusual.
On their wedding anniversary this year they both posted messages to each other wishing many more happy years together. He sent an obscenely (truly, must have cost over £150) large bunch of flowers to her work which of course got facebooked about by him first, then her.
He could have given them to her at home, but chose to make a public display of it, and let everyone she works with and sees facebook, think he's a hero and a wonderful husband.
She has confided in me a few awful home truths in the last 2 weeks about their relationship.
Although not everyone sending messages to their partners are papering over cracks, it is certainly the case here and I must admit I'm very sceptical of what I see on there a lot of the time.

I don't disagree but I do wonder what most MNers think fb is for.

There are always threads like this and they always tend to go "well I'm on Facebook but I don't do..." And then reel of lists of what 'other people' do on there!

My oh did this to me today. He also used a nickname. I also responded with a typical ".i love you" message. Meh. It's probably the first time he wrote on my wall since my last bd...
Does it really matter? Just keep scrolling...

Some people do it because their spouse would be pissed off if they didn't.

Did you think about that? Did ya?

At least it's free. I've always thought it a bit bonkers to pay to take out a newspaper advert to wish a person who you see every day a happy birthday.

An ex colleague of mine and her husband were guilty of very vom inducing Facebook messaging a while ago. However, it was whilst she was being treated for cancer so I guess it was a way of cheering each other up whilst this was going on, once she got the all clear it was back to the normal occasional 'I love my bloke for his curry cooking ability' of a Saturday night.

I have another Facebook friend who has a newish partner and they post very arty farty Instagram pics and romantic crap about each other. All well and good if a little pukey but someone I assume is his mother comments on each and every perfect relationship post..... Now that's odd!

My relatives do this too. Lots of lovey dovey stuff when sat on the same sofa. I recon it's to do with insecurity and creating a facade.

I always wish my DH a happy birthday on FB, but that's largely because I do for everyone else, so it would seem mean to be the only person who does not wish him a happy birthday! Occasionally I post on his wall too, but that's because the private messaging is disabled at work, so anything I need to say needs to be done on the wall.

Personally, I don't care how others use their walls - if it's something I don't like, I just click on 'I don't want to see this' and they soon get filtered out. No biggie.

The only ones that does get my goat are the hypocrites who sit there writing passive aggressive posts acting all superior slagging off people who wish their children (not on Facebook) a happy birthday for the messages, when they don't do this but instead change their profile picture to a picture of their child as a newborn on their birthdays, and cue they get hundreds of posts wishing their child a happy birthday and so on... Bizarre to be so derisory of others when you're essentially doing the sane thing yourself. Also know people who do it for wedding anniversaries and the like. I know a few people who do this and I find it most bizarre particularly when their derisory posts are so rude to people who do wish their children / husbands happy birthday / whatever.

Most odd. Other than that, I think each to their own on Facebook really.

Incidentally, I don't wish my children happy birthday on Facebook nor do I change my profile picture on their birthdays.

I have a couple on my fb who send each other lovey messages every single fucking morning.... It's just the same bloody message every day though.

Also, and this makes me a cow, but when a friend lost her dog recently (it had ran away) she posted on fb "doggies name, if you are reading this please come home" whilst I felt very sad for her losing her dog, it did make me giggle at the thought of her dog sat in the park with a group of mates checking fb with a can of lager or something

Seriously, why do we care so about what others do on facebook?

Don't like it, don't do it.

easy!

It's insecurity, ego related, needy, trying to create an impression the relationship is perfect and also territory marking partner wise. Unnecessarily public. I don't mind a 'happy birthday' but I hate 'I have the most attractive sexy husband' and 'as each day passes I love you more bla bla'. I want to read interesting, humorous things or news on my FB page not things that clearly should be said privately in a card, a text or in person.

You've got to wonder about couples who peddle their relationship to their "public".

We conduct our marriage almost entirely in private, except for the odd sex tape which is then inevitably leaked to TMZ - but that's not really our fault.

My husband is in the merchant navy so tends to be away for his birthday. So I wish him happy birthday on Facebook.

Don't go on Facebook if it annoys you so much as I'm not going to stop talking to my DH on Facebook when he spends half the year away.

"I don't disagree but I do wonder what most MNers think fb is for."

In my case to keep an eye on my teenage daughter.

I am from the pre - Facebook generation and really don't understand why so many people have to put so much stuff on public view. But I am a private person. I have googled myself and the only reason my name comes up on the first search page is because I am a company director.

Some of DD's friends have several sites on the first page of google, complete with photos because they are on so many social networking sites. I find that quite disturbing because they are only 14.

When OH is away we keep in touch via email and Skype. OH has no interest in being on any social networking site.

I think some people feel validated by the notion of having an audience.

Like those Happy Birthdayto our darling princess, 4 today. I mean clearly she isn't going to read it. A more accurate post would be along the lines of Feeling excited about my daughter's birthday, but for some reason no one seems to be able to write that.

Hmmm. Well dh and I do the birthday / anniversary thing to each other. Personally I enjoy reading back through my Facebook and seeing his little posts is nice. It reminds me of when we first started dating. We used to post on Facebook a lot.

It wouldn't bother me if others did it. I think it's sweet. Can't see why people get so annoyed by it!

YANBU! This shit amuses me no end. I know for sure that the few couples who do this on my Fb are also the ones in the most volatile of relationships. One friend posts because his wife feels validated by his posts and this in turn makes his life at home 'easier', and another has just found out her dh had an EA and they now both do the over the top lovey dovey stuff to 'prove' their commitment to each other. The happiest couples I know are just getting on with it without the 'need' for public recognition.

It is a bit cringeworthy but you can hide it all, if it upsets you.

If people stuck to real friends on FB they wouldn't have such problems with it.

My dh is away a lot too (forces) and we use fb to keep in touch.... But we use messages rather than walls because we wouldn't have our conversations at home in the middle of the street, so why would we want to have them all over fb walls?!

The ones I REALLY don't get though are the messages to dead people. 'It's 26 years today since we lost you Gran....' and 'Happy birthday Mum' to someone who stopped having birthdays ten years ago when she died.

And don't even get me started on the family round the headstone anniversary PHOTOS. What the hell is that about?!

We keep all our messages on FB to messages except for birthday messages. I don't see why people get so het up about 1 wall post a year.

Bun that's a pretty valid reason for being on there but not really liking it.

I don't think every poster is in your position though! It baffles me.