Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think I shouldn't have to choose my own Christmas presents?

47 replies

pullingmyhairout2 · 10/11/2014 20:10

This year I said to my dh that I wanted to do stockings for each other. And that for once I didn't want to choose my own presents.

So, at the moment he's looking for 'inspiration'. By that I mean he's pissing himself laughing whilst looking at books such as 'how to be a good wife' and things such as naughty nipple tassles and fanny and face soap.

We've been together for 8 years with two children yet he really doesn't seem to know me at all!
Birthdays consist of chocolate and flowers. Mothers day is chocolate and flowers and Christmas is yet more chocolates. Don't get me wrong I do love chocolates, but every time gets a bit blah!

Aibu to just want him to buy me some nice little nicknacks (socks, knickers, nice smellys) that I don't have to choose myself?

OP posts:
Charitybelle · 10/11/2014 20:21

YANBU, but you can't make a leopard change their spots. If he's crap at presents you can tell him how much it means to you that he chooses something thoughtful, but you will probably still end up with tat.
If he's a good partner in other ways just drop a few hints, and get something you want. Or, don't bother, and accept that you will prob be disappointed at Christmas. Sorry Flowers

grocklebox · 10/11/2014 20:24

Like the vast majority of posts here about "D"H's, you;re complaining about the wrong thing. It's not really about christmas presents, its that he's a bit of a dick, isn't it?

Myearhurts · 10/11/2014 20:31

My beloved is like your husband. He is a lovely man but completely useless at presents. He just freezes and goes into a panic.

I quiet like it now. I always get to choose my own present so I always get exactly what I want!

thatstoast · 10/11/2014 20:39

Does he really not know you at all? My husband knows me very well but I wouldn't trust him to buy me knickers. It's not really the same thing.

I think it's fine to pick your own present but I also think stocking fillers for adults are a bit silly.

daisychain01 · 10/11/2014 20:42

I think it's personal preference. And if your DP isn't good with presents, you will probably be better off choosing than get a heap of rubbish gifts you don't want.

I prefer to go shopping with DP, pick a few items of clothing and he buys it, then that becomes my Christmas present. So I do like to pick my own presents, as I find surprises are highly over rated.

Original poster
pullingmyhairout2 · 10/11/2014 21:02

Thanks for your replies. He's ordered a CD I gave a VERY big hint about!
thatstoast your right about the knickers. They would be red, flimsy and very uncomfortable and be shoved to the back of the drawer. His eyes lit up when I said knickers. Til I said everyday comfortable ones!

Guess I'm just going to have to choose my own. May have to get my own back though when choosing hisGrin

OP posts:
hels71 · 10/11/2014 22:09

I have long since given up with the surprise thing. I direct him to my amazon wish list or my e bay watch list or send links. He keeps going on about knickers too....but was also unimpressed by my mentioning I wanted nice comfy ones!!

FunkyBoldRibena · 10/11/2014 22:10

I much prefer something I want than something that is a complete waste of money.

TSSDNCOP · 10/11/2014 22:13

This is why I have a list. I don't expect everything on it although it'd be nice, but to avoid this face Hmm and ensure this face Smile stick to the list.

LumionaMoonsplash · 10/11/2014 22:16

DH is good at a lot of things but thoughtful present buying isn't one of them. I now really enjoy buying my own gifts. He doesn't bother buying for himself.

catellington · 10/11/2014 22:17

This year I'm cutting out most of the process and buying my own presents, hopefully he can manage to wrap them

Actually finding this very liberating and enjoying it a lot Smile he is pretty pleased too

generaltilney · 10/11/2014 22:18

How about next year doing stockings with a sister or a friend? I think doing stockings with a present-hater is just making you miserable.

DH would be delighted if he never had to buy a present again, it is so stressful for him (he is great at cards though). I don't see it as a bad thing, yes I would love to come home to an amusing jewel or something but taint going to happen.

I don't mind having to ask for my own presents, though occasionally I do get a bit fed up that since nearly everything I actually want is either too expensive, cheap but too complicated, or available free, I have to think of things that at best I am lukewarm about. But better that than getting things I actively hate.

Mehitabel6 · 10/11/2014 22:19

I would just write a list of suggestions.

BackforGood · 10/11/2014 22:22

I'd FAR rather choose my own wishlist than leave it to other people. (and would also FAR rather get something I know someone else wants even if it's not something I'd perhaps have chosen myself).

Sleepwhenidie · 10/11/2014 22:23

My DH knows me very well knows I am incredibly picky and difficult to buy for. I now do a Pinterest board with everything is love from £5-£1,500 (no harm trying Wink) as a help/guidance. I'll often get something from that and something he has chosen himself, takes the pressure off Smile

namelessposter · 10/11/2014 22:24

I go for a list on online stores where almost anything is acceptable (for me, Graham & Greene, NOTHS, handpicked.com, white company, cox&cox); still a surprise, but can't go too far wrong..

QTPie · 10/11/2014 22:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 10/11/2014 22:31

Well ... obviously, he should know this and TBH, I don't buy the 'some people are crap at presents' thing really.

But does he get how you chose presents? Ie., that you listen to the person you're with and you take note of what they mention liking, or what they seemed to enjoy? Sounds really basic, but I have a close male relative who honestly found this a revelation! He had never paid the slightest attention to this sort of thing, and we had to go through with 'well, if she enjoyed watching such-and-such on TV, might she like the box set, even if you hated it?' or 'Ok, so you know how she irritates you by lingering by the window of this-or-that shop in town; do you think she might quite like a voucher for it?'

I know even the nicest people can get it wrong, and some of us are very choosy, but by and large I find not being able buy a decent present for a partner a major turn off and signof immaturity. I don't mean it has to be perfect - but it shouldn't be something that makes you cringe.

RiverRocks · 10/11/2014 22:52

It's a balance - picking your own presents vs potentially being disappointed with what you get.

DH is wonderful, often picks me up a bunch of flowers or something thoughtful because he knows I'd like it - I'm 20 weeks pregnant and starting to struggle with sleeping, he came home tonight with a special pillow he'd found after researching on the internet, that will help me.

Come Christmas, though, his brain just goes into meltdown. I remember one year being so upset because everything he had given me was so impersonal. I now give him a list (I actually email it to him with links to webpages), so much simpler, I get presents I want, everyone is happy. FWIW, my friends all do the same with their DHs.

Rascalls3 · 10/11/2014 23:12

My husband of 26 years actually went a step further last year and said re my detailed list " do you want to order it and I will pay for it!" NO ?? I DON'T!!!
I have given up letting him choose my presents having received some real howlers. These have included a bedtime hat only ever seen on Ebenezer Scrooge and a log like 'musical' instrument that made a very annoying twinkling noise. Supposed to be a stress relieving device. It wasn't ??
After many years (and with the assistance of three daughters) has has learnt that I love lilies so is usually ok on Valentines day!

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks · 10/11/2014 23:24

I told my DH which shops to go in. I said "Go in X shop...look around...if you don't see something you think I might like, ask the girl...tell her what you want to spend."

Worked!

Original poster
pullingmyhairout2 · 11/11/2014 07:15

Ha, its nice to know I'm not the only one!

jeanne I think that is totally the reason! Whenever we go shopping he just wanders off to look at blokey things and doesn't pay any attention to anything I'm looking at. Can he borrow you!!
rascalls3 I regularly I get the do you want to order it and I'll pay for it!

I wouldn't mind but I don't want anything special. Just little things like a body spray I normally use, some nice smelling bath stuff, socks and maybe some gloves etc.

OP posts:
blackeyedsusie · 11/11/2014 07:23

my mum did this for decades. rarely did my dad buy here anything. as soo as I was old enough I was dispatched to the shop to get hercard as well. tell him to pull his finger out or risk his marriage as this sort of thing kills it really slowly through neglect.

GoEasyPudding · 11/11/2014 09:45

Knickers, socks and smellies? There are very few men that could manage that.

Notebooks, pens, books, music, sweets, xmas choc, lottery ticket, vouchers would be easier.

Then for bigger gift items this needs to be spelt out.

Don't set yourself up for disappointment.

Chaps don't really do shopping for fun so don't know what shops to go in or what to look for.

Right about directing him to the correct shops too. Any note book in Waterstones would be a nice notebook. Any pens in Paperchase would be a nice pen and so on.

stripedtortoise · 11/11/2014 09:50

My DH is a bit like this, always has been. For birthdays/Christmas for him I'd spend weeks trawling the web/shops for that perfect gift and he would get something less so. He's utterly wonderful and perfect in every other way, perfect dad etc etc SO the only way I have learnt to deal with this is to basically accept that some people aren't as fussed about or as good at gift giving as others.
I know some people will say 'well if it matters to you, it should matter to him', but honestly, if this is the only thing that pisses you off about him, then just learn to live with it ;)