Aibu to think I shouldn't have to choose my own Christmas presents?

[pullingmyhairout2]

This year I said to my dh that I wanted to do stockings for each other. And that for once I didn't want to choose my own presents.

So, at the moment he's looking for 'inspiration'. By that I mean he's pissing himself laughing whilst looking at books such as 'how to be a good wife' and things such as naughty nipple tassles and fanny and face soap.

We've been together for 8 years with two children yet he really doesn't seem to know me at all!
Birthdays consist of chocolate and flowers. Mothers day is chocolate and flowers and Christmas is yet more chocolates. Don't get me wrong I do love chocolates, but every time gets a bit blah!

Aibu to just want him to buy me some nice little nicknacks (socks, knickers, nice smellys) that I don't have to choose myself?

Sounds like you occupy a very generalized "wife" space in his head.
does he see you as You, or just a generic Woman?

we did rude xmas stockings and dh had lots more ideas for that

I must be really lucky - dh exceedingly good at buying presents - including comfy knickers, socks and smellies! He usually asks me what I want (and I usually answer "nothing"!) but he chooses most presents himself. This year I have asked for something very specific but I know he will also choose other things all by himself.

haggisaggis you are really lucky! Keep hold of that one.

Sanfairyanne he would be in his element with rude Xmas stockings. I dread to think!

Think I'm just going to have to trawl through Amazon and make a list. I'll probably have to wrap them all up anyway!

Wait, you have to choose what presents you want?

Have you considered contacting Amnesty International?

Why the sarcasm?

If the presents aren't a surprise, it seems completely bonkers to go to the trouble of wrapping them up, especially if you have to do that yourself as well.

I think too many men fall back on the 'I'm a man, I don't do shopping' learned helplessness and expect women to make all the effort over presents. Why should they get away with not making any effort because they don't want to? Either buy each other a gift that has at least some element of effort and surprise in it, or don't bother at all and if you want to treat yourself to something nice, just go out and buy it.

I don't really see the point of presents for adults really anyway, as long as you can afford to buy yourself a reasonable amount of treats. If you want a candle/book/underwear, just buy it FFS.

But I don't want presents that are a waste of money either, and for items like clothes etc I want to choose them myself. I would never want to be bought underwear for example, because even if you have a favoured brand, you still need to try bras on to make sure they fit.

So my solution to all this, having a male DP who 'doesn't like shopping' is to say 'go to waitrose and buy a bottle of gin that costs more than £20 (so not Gordons or other everyday brand) and some chocolates in a box that looks very small for the price'. Therefore I get the effort and surprise and a bit of luxury but still something I like.

I gave my DH a list for my birthday this year (as requested) - it was even electronic so included links to every thing. He didn't even have to google!
He whined and moaned and whinged that he was worried I wouldn't like my birthday present and could I please actually just choose one thing from the list (of around six items). I explained that I would love any one thing from the list ( hence why I have made one). He wimped out and unreasonably bought the whole lot.

Ah yes, nothing embodies the spirit of Christmas like an itemised list of demands. It doesn't bother me if I get nothing, but if people do buy me things I am happy they have bought me something they thought I would like

I always suggest a few things for DP and the DCs to buy me then I still get a bit of a surprise but I'm also guaranteed to get something I actually have a need for or want.

Yes of course it would be lovely if they just instinctively knew what I'd like but having been disappointed on more than one occassion over the years (A packet of biscuits for my 30th birthday was my sole present) I now suggest a couple of books or DVDs and some perfumes that I like.

I really don't mind as it's much better than feigning gratitude whist wondering if they've still got the receipt.

i've bought my own presensts over the year whatever's cheap the smalls can wrap them for me. dh not involved in it at all as it's the kids that want to give me presents and he's not fussed. i've got some brilliant stuff which i wouldn't dream of putting on a list but when i saw it it was a definite etc. we've been togetehr 14 years ish and i ran out of oooomph a couple of years ago with me wondering if he'll get me something i actually like. sigh.

If someone is going to spend a lot then I understand it can be helpful to give guidance. But once in a while I think it's lovely to get something chosen for me without my input. It makes me feel so much more special.
Last Christmas DH got me a flash for my camera. I didn't even know he was getting something extra and it was perfect and made me feel like a million dollars and so valued.
Now we have been married 12 years, so I reckon I've got until 2024 til I get a surprise present again!

YABU I hate having to buy 'surprises'. More often than not the other person has something particular in mind but doesn't want to ask for it but want the other half to 'guess'. Cue stress for on and disappointment for the other. Why don't you give him a short list to choose from?

Sometimes my DH gets it right, but this year he is unlikely to read my mind and get me the Urban Decay Naked 2 palette and a white pique collar shirt from J Crew. So, well, you know, I'm going to tell him.

With SO in the past they've often been quite good but gems have been a oil lamp (pretty) and other such like. Last Christmas it was a body shop set and penguin USB stick but we were a new relationship. In other relationships it's been Tiffany jewellery.

My DB asked me in a panic last week what shop SIL likes (Anthropologie) and asked me to go with him. He's great but likes to get SIL antiques, cocktail ring and sexy lingerie (not sure she's that keen on last). I know she loves Cos, 'clever books' related to her work (museum art) and nice pretty jewels.... I'm sure I'll help him come this Thursday when we shop!

When we were newly married after a particularly bad present I had my DH talk to my mum and sister and SIL about gifts. Helped a lot, as did having daughters!

Havd you ever told him this?enneed it spelled out to them, hints don't work. If he buys you chocolates and you always say 'ooh lovely thank' or similar he thinks you love that as a gift. Fill in an Amazon wish list and let him loose with that. I do it through teat and sometimes I forget wee things I've put on there and dp gets me it so it is s surprise. He does get me surprises too.

My OH is crap at presents.

I will be doing stockings for everyone staying over at christmas this year- 5 adults and 2 teenagers, we will all be hanging stockings- I will buy stuff for myself .

Thanks for all your replies.

I've done an Amazon wish list so will point him in that direction.

aimlesslypurposeful your comment about the biscuits really made me laugh. (Sorry) That's just the sort of thing my dh would do

It was a packet of Marks and Spencer florentines PullingMyHairOut. Not that I can't let it go or anything.

I mean honestly, what was going through his head? "It's her 30th. Hmm, would she like to go out for a meal in a nice restaurant. Or maybe she'd like a nice piece of jewellery? Oh I know what would be really special - a packet of biscuits!"

I went and sat in the bathroom and cried.

Have had much better presents since I started choosing them myself.

The Amazon wishlist button is my friend, lets me add stuff from any shopping website to a wishlist. I just merrily add stuff all year, that way I still get a "surprise" but one I will like!